BAND - AIDED

Good God - A Post !!!!

2011-03-01T03:53:00.003+11:00

You would think my nimble little sausage fingers would be punching the crap out my keyboard in the frenzy of telling you everything that has happened since I last posted in November (Gawd! has it been that looooong!)

I have heaps to tell you, so much so I am having trouble relaying it in some sort of comprehensible structure which is pissing off my perfectionist self.

I will give it a go.

The injury I suffered at work has been a major factor of my life since I last posted. Still having moderate/severe pain in my hip,foot and pelvis,still can only sleep for 4 hours in bed before having to get up and sleep in the recliner and only if I take something to knock me out.Starting to worry about getting addicted to the pain meds.Went to a injury specialist just before Xmas and he said I had would be permanently disabled and suffer from this for the rest of my life and will need surgery down the track on my hip and sacral area - Oh goodie !

Life has been pretty boring as I cannot just up and go out to simple things like shopping as if I walk for longer than 10 mins my hip,lower back and nether regions go into spasm and causes great pain. The next day I feel like Ive run the London Marathon.Housework is near non existent and it is hard to get anyone to do anything without asking them, which then causes me more stress as their reaction is like I've asked them to donate me one of their kidneys.

Work has not been too supportive , I continued to be victimised or "micromanaged" by one of the Managers, as that's how he operates when he wants someone to leave, I've seen it with 3 other people who DON'T work there anymore.Suffice to say I'm someone when backed into a corner no matter how stressed or traumatised I am, will come out fighting like a banshee.Good news is he resigned last week - yay!so now we will see if it was just him or he was doing someone highers dirty work.

What pisses me off is I did this at work and after being a loyal and trusted employee for 12 years you would think I had some credibility and they would know my ethics. It only tells me they 1) Don't believe me (and the 6 Dr's I have seen) and 2) Once you become a liability your no use to them as it "Will only increase our insurance premiums"

The case is still with the lawyers and we will know in the next 1-2 months where we stand and if we have to take it to the Commission.

My daughter moved back home after Uni ended last year and her dreams of moving in with friends have been squashed as she expected Mummy & Daddy to pay which we did last year (after her scholarship ran out mid year).I told her we could not sustain paying for everything and that if she had a job and helped contribute we would be able to help out.Well that was like talking to a brick wall, not interested in getting a job which frustrates the hell out of me. I can't understand why you would not want to earn money and become more independent. I love my daughter very much - in fact she's been the one who helps me keep it together but giving her everything is not teaching her life skills.

I think I will call it for now as my bum and back is starting to ache - time to pop some pills!!

Back soon with Part 2 !

QUEEN OF THE PROCRASTINATORS

2010-11-06T11:09:00.006+11:00

Well I kept to my promise of updating regularly didn't I - NOT !

I think the black dog has something to do with how my life is at the moment - no purpose and all over the place.I just can't seem to get things done they just drag on and on and I spend hours doing stuff but on the surface looks like I've done nothing. I hate it when I'm like that absolutely HATE IT !

Last time I posted I told you about my workplace injury. The pelvic fracture is getting better but the hip issue is not improving at all. To make matters worse the insurance company have declined my case which really devastated me. So now I have to get a lawyer and go through the motions of appealing which is going to be a right pain in the arse.

Oh and I sacked my Doctor, the one I had been going to for over 26 years - just fed up with his complacency and also the fact he misdiagnosed two major things this year, a bit sad really as he did his residency the same time and at the same hospital I did my nursing training.

Work is also a problem I think they are trying to give me the shove as within 30 minute of being told my case was declined I get hauled into the office and told I take too much leave and am away from work FAR two much, and I should cut down on my annual leave and long service leave.Hmmmm they have to authorise this leave before I take it so if it is a problem why do they sign off on the form and if I am entitled to the leave I should be able to take it when I freaking well want to.

Mind you they told me this 3 days before I was taking 3 weeks Long Service Leave as my mother was having a knee replacement and I was helping her and my 82 year old father out, so I question there motives.

Just found out my nephew has been in a bad motorcycle accident,has extensive facial injuries,fractured ribs sternum and a bleed on the brain.It's happened in another state so cannot go and see him straight away will see if we can get there next weekend maybe.

On the weight front - well don't ask lol! It's not good have put on weight and am disgusted in myself as my two year bandaversary is in a couple of weeks and back then I envisaged I would be under well and truly under the 100 kg mark.

As previously promised here is the shot taken of me before the wedding I spoke about in my previous post.I'm standing funny as I didn't ant a shot with the crutches.

Anyhow have to go, want to say some prayers for my nephew.

QUICK ONE

2010-08-28T07:31:00.003+10:00

Am a little tired and sore after returning to work for 3 days, but on the whole everything went OK.

Today hubby and I are attending his best friends wedding (second marriage), it's in the city at The Rocks and we have booked a nice hotel across the road from the venue which is on the waterfront, so should be nice as I love the views over Sydney Harbour.

The bad part is I have to negotiate about 18 stairs and ring ahead so they can open the back door for me. If we did not do that I would have another 2 flights to contend with.

If I remember I will try and take some shots glammed up (might even show you my crutch - ha ha) and of the hotel and surrounds.

As we say here in Oz "avagoodweekend" folks.

LONG OVERDUE

2010-08-24T12:00:00.003+10:00

This is a long overdue post - sorry.

Did not set out to be away for so long, but I just got sick and tired of only having depressing news to report and also felt my readers felt like that as well.

I set a few things in motion and intended to come back with some positive posts when my plans were completed but it as not worked out the way I would have liked.

Anyways I'm here now and will summarise what has been going on over the last 3 months or so:-

My daughter had problems with living away from home, became quite depressed due to homesickness and had to be refereed to a Dr.

My daughter also fractured her foot on the last day of Uni, did her final performance assessment with a broken foot and spent a very boring 6 weeks at home in a aircast boot poor kid.

Had continued pain from my fall at work in January. Been having weekly massages for the muscle spasm and popping pain pills by the hundreds I suspect.

Reorganised our finances.

My beloved Aunty and Godmother died after a 4 week illness.

Pain from fall worsened over the last 4 weeks. Had to go and buy crutches as I could not put any weight on my right leg. Dr treating me for adducter strain or tear.

Due to pain have also been self medicating with my choice of meds - FOOD !Weight
got up to 118 kg again from 107 kg (Holy snapping arseholes !!! EEEK)

Finally my Immunologist ordered a Bone Scan I have two fractures in the pelvis - FUCK - no wonder I have been in agony and thinking of getting a new GP as I feel he is to complacent regarding me. This is the second thing this year he has misdiagnosed am over it.

Told today the fractures can take 2 - 12 months to heal, treatment is no weight bearing and rest - great.

Because this is Workers Comp and 7 mths after the injury I have had some pretty disappointing attitudes from people I work with. You would think after 12 years of service they would know my character and integrity by now and not judge me as a malingerer.

Mother is unwell , she needs a knee replacement, I told her she should get it done and I will take time off work to help her out, now with my problems this makes this hard.

Have put a check on the food, weight now 112.7kg.

Anyways that enough for today, my bum is sore from sitting, will catch up on all your blogs and promise not to be away for so long next time.

LOST THE PLOT

2010-05-05T08:08:00.002+10:00

My past experiences with the hospitalisation,dog being sick and SIL being killed has caught up with me.

The "black fog" has returned and I've lost the plot with life at the moment.

Have been medicating my self with food and have gained some of the weight I lost while sick.

Dog is still sick having cluster seizures and was hospitalised last week again, every time he goes in it's another $1.5K which is straining our already dismal finances and causing arguments with hubby.

I know if it continues will we have get my boy put down as his quality of life is suffering, the thought of it puts a knife through my heart as he is truly loved and a wonderful companion when everybody pisses off and leaves me at home alone.

There is a quote on the calender today by Elbert Hubbard

"Loneliness is to endure the presence of one who does not understand".

How true.

TIME FOR AN UPDATE - ME THINKS!

2010-04-08T04:38:00.001+10:00

Where to start?

So much time has elapsed and so much crap has happened in between, you know the usual day to day crap, as they say "same shit different smell" - lol!

My SIL funeral was two weeks ago, nice service though very short only 15 mins and no wake after wards which I thought was a bit crappy as people had come interstate to pay their respects. I think wakes are good for the families to get together and reminisce the good times rather than focusing on the bad. Oh well that just my opinion.

Her hubby didn't make it out of hospital to attend the funeral, in fact he is still in battling a chest infection hampered by all his broken ribs - poor bugger, imagine how he feels as he was the driver as fault.

My daughter is home for the week on an Easter break, I want to go to Uni,I want to have a weeks break after only being there for a month - what a life. She is going well and enjoying it, not many written assessments as most are of a practical nature.

She has one coming up where is has to sing an Operatic Scale which is in Italian, she is a Alto Soprano, and very nervous about it as it's done in front of the whole class.

Went back to the Dr's yesterday with my abscess, it's healing slowing, about a week after I came home from hospital the thing burst, which I think was the best thing for it as it has progressed from then. So as of now I don't have to have the port removed which is good news for now. My weight was down on his scale by 4 kgs since my last visit in February so we were both happy with that,though I copped the usual lecture on doing some exercise- yadda yadda yadda! (Though I know he is right)

Anyhow better sign off it's 5am here as I woke at 3am and couldn't go back to sleep, so will try and lay down for an hour before the alarm goes off.

WAR WOUNDS & WEIGH IN

2010-03-19T17:03:00.011+11:00

Finally learnt how to transfers photos to the laptop so here a a few of my war wounds and my daughters accommodation

My arm and hand after the massacre I got trying to put a cannula in, he had three goes then had to get a Dr from ICU .These bruises are a week old so I'm sure you can imagine what they looked and felt like the day after.The understatement of the year was "just a scratch" as they jab you, it's sort of like "Yes, I'll love you in the morning" when you have a one night stand.(Not that I have ever had one - lol!)

My belly where the abscess was over the top of the lapband port, this was taken today and is 300% better than it was. Imagine something the size of a large lemon and sticking out about one third from the abdominal wall, combined with a red fiery rash from the cellulitis covering all of abdomen.

Below are some photos of where my daughter is staying, though small a bright airy room.

Oh, almost forgot weighed in today at 107.7 kgs so a loss of 2.3kg since last time.

THE DRAMAS CONTINUES

2010-03-17T19:08:00.002+11:00

WARNING DON'T READ THE FIRST PARAGRAPH IF WEAK OF STOMACH OR EATING!

I had my abscess drained today by the biggest bloody needle I have ever seen, they removed about 10mls of pus and sent it away for testing. The pus was green which I thought was apt as today is St Patricks Day (sorry for my sick sense of humor)

Everything going well I will be discharged on Friday and then it's a waiting game for a couple of weeks as to whether this clears up. If it doesn't then it's the knife and having to have my lapband port removed until the infection clears up, then having another surgery to put the blasted thing back, so I hope this does not happen.

We received more bad news yesterday, my husbands sister and brother in law were involved in a head on collision. My SIL died instantly and my BIL is in ICU. My poor hubby is alone at home coping with this as I'm here and as you know my daughter moved out 3 weeks ago to start Uni.

He went to see his BIL today and was upset further to find his BIL in the same unit and the same bed as my brother was in 4 years ago when he was crushed at work and later died,it upset me as well, so I've had a fairly emotional day, worrying about everything.

As they say things happen in three's so I hope this is the end of the bad news and dramas.

There is good news with Oscar, he is recovering and will also be discharged on Friday(as long as he continues to be fit free) so I'm looking forward to giving him a big hug and a kiss from mum.

AND THE WINNER IS......

2010-03-15T19:11:00.003+11:00

Sorry this is a little late but the day has been filled with drama - coming from a few different areas.

First of all thank you to all my cyber friends who responded I liked all of the responses guessing I was in a far away (and more exciting place) than where I am now but the winner is Margaret who correctly guessed I'm in (insert expletive here) hospital again.

To cut a long story short I had a small pimple like thingo on my stomach,which in the space of 36 hours went from the size of a twenty cent piece to a full blown hot,burning rash over my whole abdomen (and remember my abdomen is so big it deserves it 's own postcode - lol!) turned out to be a bad case of cellutitis, which is a bacterial infection of the deepest layers of the skin.

To add to this drama the pimple was right over the top of my lap band port site, so I had a grapefruit size ball of infection sticking out my stomach about a third, to add to the rash on my stomach which honestly felt like someone had thrown acid over me, I could not even stand water from the shower on it.

I knew I was in trouble so took myself straight away to my immunologist who nearly fell off his chair and said you will not be going home and need to be admitted immediately for IV antibiotics - that was last Tuesday and I'm still here.

After establishing the lap band was not the cause of the infection I have been on heavy duty antibiotics as the swelling around the port, though reduced is still having fluid in it and is around 4cm x 4cm. I had it scanned today and pending a good result I was expecting to come home tomorrow.

Even though I have not received the final results, the initial signs are not good as it's not self contained and there is a small opening into the abdomen which could mean big trouble if the infection was to get inside the perineal cavity (where all your guts are). If that is he case then I'm in for a operation to drain and clean out the area and remove the port so the infection is not carried to my stomach - just great isn't it - I'm gutted (sorry for the pun)

To add to that my darling boy had severe seizures again today and had to be taken back sown to doggie ICU again, so I'm a bit of a mess at the moment,as I just can't lose him - not now anyway. SO please say a prayer for my baby and maybe a little one for me.

CAN YOU GUESS

2010-03-13T16:22:00.004+11:00

Guess where I am - answer tomorrow or Monday

Please leave your answer in the comments section (even if you dont usally comment)

DANCE ! BOOGIE WONDERLAND

2010-03-03T07:51:00.005+11:00

Hubby and I took our daughter to her new residence on Sunday for her Uni start last Monday.

I handled it better than I expected, though I did have a bad day a few days before when I thought the world was ending.

I'm happy with where she is staying, 5 mins from the Mall one way and 5 mins to the beach the other direction.It's such a pretty beachside city. I took some photo of her room and will add then when I work out how to transfer to my laptop via the memory card.

Work is crazy at the moment and to top it off I have been dumped with two major projects - great just what I need.

Weight wise is going well weighed in today at 110kg (finally) so another 1 kg lost.

SHOCK HORROR - A PHOTO UPDATE!

2010-02-23T07:51:00.004+11:00

Hang on to your pantyhose girls and your jock straps boys.

After more than a year I have posted another update photo, I have been waiting until I got to the 110kg goal (which has not happened by the way) so I have succumbed to doing it at 111kg as I am sick of waiting.

So tell me what you think - I can see a difference in my face, my arms and legs are quite slim compared to my nemesis - THE STOMACH - crikey everyone knows I'm coming as my stomach enters the room 30 seconds before I do. Hell it's so big it needs it's own postcode always had such a nice flat stomach even when I was a little large as I carried all my weight in my hips and legs and it only started having a mind of it's own after I had my daughter..HERE

On other news I am trying to get my daughter organised for the big move on Sunday, we got the accommodation we applied for so am happy about the place. Now the worry has been switched to the money side of things, it's has cost me a fortune already, I really don't know how we are going to cope with it all,will maybe need to get the house re financed again so will have to sit down and do the numbers.

Oh and yesterday she got her drivers license so that's one thing less to worry about.

UPDATE

2010-02-15T08:31:00.003+11:00

Sorry it's been so long.

My life has been like a washing machine at the moment.

My daughter leaves for University (College) next week, we have decided she needs to relocate closer to the Uni due to her schedule and the fact it's a 3 hour round trip.

It's been very hard for me emotionally as my daughter is my only child and I don't feel like I've had her for that long - time goes so fast. Mothers never wish your children to grow up and move out sooner than they need to,it's heartbreaking - I certainly didn't expect to have this reaction.

Most of my time has been spent trying to find someone suitable for her to live and hopefully (fingers crossed) I will know today that she has been accepted to a Woman's Residential College that caters for Uni students. It is only 10 minutes from the Uni and one I feel happy about in relation to security and the fact her meals will be catered for.

My daughter is very mature 18 year old, but having such a lifestyle change is daunting for the most experienced, so like any mother I worry about her, particulary as I'm not there to see things first hand.

Aslo the worry about the financial side as my daughter does not have a part time job and will be intially living off a scholarship fund my husband and I set up several years ago, which will be lucky to last a year now we have to pay board at $270.00 per week. So it will be cutting down on our own expediture as there are also other things to finance like phone,internet costs and also the cost of running a car not to mention spending money.

As for my weight, well nothing happening here, gaining and losing the same .200 grams which in the big picture is ok considering the stress I'm under at the moment.

DID THE EARTH MOVE FOR YOU

2010-01-26T15:46:00.002+11:00

Haven't been around much due to an accident I had at work over two weeks ago.

Fell really heavily on my left side after tripping over while lifting a box of copy paper.Knocked myself stupid and damaged my neck,shoulder,hip and foot. The major concerns at the moment are my hip and lower back and shoulder. I initially couldn't get up and was calling out for help for 10 minutes before dragging myself over to my desk and pulling the phone down to call someone.

I found out that two other men in the office heard me calling out and they failed to investigate anything. I think that was what really upset me, they are complete f*ckwits, and couldn't be bothered to get off their butts.

I felt so helpless not to mention feeling like a beached Beluga Whale.

Been having regular Physio which I think makes everything worse, and because it's Workers Comp I need approval from the insurance company before I have anything done.

Had the last 4 days off as it is a Public Holiday here today - Australia Day, commemorating the day the English arrived ( or to some factions - invaded) in 1788 to set up a Penal Colony.

This is the time of year when we have the usual debates and polls about becoming a Republic rather than a Monarchy and changing our national anthem - all a big yawn to me,as there is more important things to debate like crime,the health system and poverty to name a few.

Went back to the lap band doctor yesterday and he is pleased with my loss since my last visit and I don't have to go back now until August - sweet!

My weight has not altered over the past few weeks, probably due to being very sedate on the exercise front, so am glad there is no gain though.

Had quite a few people ask me have I lost weight and how good I look, which has been nice to hear, so I must pull my finger out and post some update photos,oh and I bought some new clobber yesterday,size 16 pants - boohoo, OK they are stretch but who cares!!!

IT'S A MIRACLE

2010-01-05T08:04:00.003+11:00

Hi All.

Hope you all had a great holiday season and New Year.

My break was quiet, but much better than last Xmas (if you remember I came out of hospital on Xmas Day last year after all my woes)

I seemed to just veg out this year and not do much of anything

We decided at the last minute to have a mini break and booked some accommodation in the city for 3 days. Got a great deal at the Marriott, which included breakfast,dinner and all you could drink at dinner for the three of us for $260.00 a night in an Executive Suite.

It was a pleasant sojourn,even if the weather was a bit crappy.

We saw the musical Wicked which was fantastic and had a great seafood lunch at Doyle's (one of the famous seafood Sydney restaurants) at the Rocks which was fan-diddly-tastic.

I will post some photos later on.

Back to my title - so what is the miracle?

The miracle is for the first time ever in history, I not only did not gain weight over Xmas but actually lost some - wow, wow and WOW!

I ate everything I wanted to turkey,ham,Plum Pudding even overindulged with the Lindt Chocolates (why do people give chocolates to you when they know you are trying to lose weight, and these are the same people that lecture you about weight being bad for your health!)

Anyways I'm diverging, today's weight is 111.8kg (245.96lbs) so a loss of .400kg not mind blowing but a victory nevertheless.

I love my band!!!!!!

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL

2009-12-23T10:28:00.004+11:00

Here I am striking my best pose taken only a few minutes ago during our Kris Kringle here at work - it was a lot of fun.

Sorry for my lack of posts have been extremely busy at work with the Xmas rush and also our companies financial year ends December, so it's been go go GO!.

Cannot wait for the week and a half break I can tell you.

Well I'm posting my last weigh in for the year, did it on Monday and it's the lowest I have been for a long while, though don't expect it to stay that way during the silly season, but still don't expect it to be massive.

Just think, this day last year I was in hospital having my gall bladder out - doesn't time fly by.

Today's weight 112.2 kg (246.8lbs)so a loss of 600 grams(1.32 lbs). I was secretly hoping to get down to 110kg for Xmas, but really am happy with my efforts since mid October, so am not going to beat myself up about it.

Anyway hope you all have a happy and safe Christmas and New Year.

WEIGH IN

2009-12-01T18:22:00.005+11:00

Weighed in today at 112.8 kg (248.16) for a loss of 1.1 kg (2.42 lbs)

This has brought up a couple of firsts.

- Lowest weight since having the lap band
- Cracked the 20 kilo mark since my first appointment with the surgeon
- Lowest weight in over 10 years
- Under the 250 lb mark

That makes nearly 8 kilos lost since I had my last fill 7 weeks ago.

Can,t ask for anything better than that - I rock!!! (If I say so myself)

BUZZ CUTS AND FORMALS

2009-11-28T20:46:00.007+11:00

Dog wonder is back home at last!

My boy came home last Monday quite a bit wobbly on his feet due to the medication, but at his loving best. He also have us quite a laugh sporting a new hairstyle that we nicknamed the Lobotomy Buzz Cut as shown below.

The vet bill came to a gobsmaking $4K but I'm relieved we now know what the problem is and not having to worry about more sinister things.

When the vet brought him in to us it took about 30 secs for him to register who we were and then he went nuts. I think he thought we had abandoned him. As you can see from the picture below I think Oscar's also happy to be home.

We also attended my daughter school formal. It as held right on the harbour under the Sydney Harbour Bridge - such a picturesque place.

She looked beautiful and here are some photos with her proud parents.

We stayed in a very swish hotel for the night and spoilt ourselves for the next 24 hours - oh the lifestyles of the rich and famous! lol!

GOODS NEWS AND IT'S A BANDANNIVERSARY!

2009-11-21T13:16:00.005+11:00

Oscar the dog wonder is on the improve.

His MRI and brain fluid tests have come back negative for Pug Encephalitis I am so happy as the Encephalitis was the worst case scenario and would have been a death sentence as it's a progressive disease without any cure.

They are treating him for Epilepsy and adding some extra meds so if he responds well to them he may be able to come home tomorrow. He will need to be on these meds for the rest of his life but this is the best case scenario we could have asked for.

What a major relief to know my boy's condition is treatable. The vet told me this morning he is not handling life in cage (who could blame him) and look depressed and has been a bit snappy when they go to do something to him.

I can't blame him as I know whats its like to be poked and prodded and he doesn't understand they are only trying to help him. I can't wait to see him and get him home - I have really missed the little bugger.

I realised earlier that today is my one year bandanniversary - wow! It hard to believe this time last year I had the op and also the start of all my problems I had with it.

So to commemorate this auspicious occasion I had another weigh in today to record a weight of 113.9kg (250.58 lbs) with a loss of .800 kg(1.76 lbs) since my last weigh in 4 days ago - so am very happy with that.

I still think I made the right decision even taking into account all the problems I had after surgery and the up and down weight loss. Since my last fill 5 weeks ago I have had good losses and feel it's now adjusted to do what is supposed to do. I am no longer fantasising about what I can eat and am amazed at how little I'm actually eating.

All in all I'm a happy camper and will be even happier when I get my boy home!!!

MY BOY IS IN TROUBLE

2009-11-19T04:49:00.004+11:00

Oscar my dog aka Fatty Boombalarta is critically ill in a doggie specialist hospital near the city.

Some time ago I mentioned he started to have fits and my local vet has been treating him for epilepsy.Things have been going ok up until now when started having fits every 2-3 hours then every 1 hour. It was so horrible to watch and I felt helpless.

We took him to the hospital early yesterday morning and he was admitted and given some sedation and meds to stop the fitting and give his wee brain a rest.

Initial testing (bloods( came back normal and tonight he is having a MRI to see if his brain is swollen or there is some other nasty, pending that they will then do a Spinal Tap as the Dr thinks it may be Pug Hydrocephalus.

I'm a bit of a mess at the moment as my dog is like a child to me and I love him to bits - he's the one that loves me no matter what I do and I missed his little pushed in face and all the kisses he bestow on me.

Say a prayer for my boy and hope there is nothing sinister.

ON A ROLL

2009-11-17T05:42:00.002+11:00

On a roll in regards to the weight loss.

Weighed in today at 114.7kg (252.34lbs) so a loss in 6 days of 1.2kgs (2.64lbs).

Obviously the restriction is going well, but now I'm also finding I'm not craving the crap so much, I even declined a Magnum (Chocolate Covered ice cream) the other day and knocked back some Lindt chocolate - strike me pink! - that's never happened before - lol!

In regards to the sleep or lack of it, my Doctor said it will eventually pass so I just have to ride it out,she gave me some other tablet to take which once I found out what is was I decided against it.

My overall mood has been good and I certainly have more motivation to do more tasks now, lets hope it also helps with public enemy number 1 - procrastination.

I hope to post some more progress photos soon, maybe take some next week at my daughter's end of school formal. They are having it at a reception venue overlooking Sydney Harbour, we have all booked in to a nice hotel in the city so am looking forward to that.

Anyway must away and get ready for work - adios amigos!

WEIGH IN

2009-11-11T07:31:00.002+11:00

A quick visit to record my latest weight.

115.9kg so a loss of .700 kg (1.56lbs) Happy it is still having a downward trend.

Back at work now and it has been hectic, hence my lack of postings and blog reading.

Having some trouble with my sleep at the moment. Have been averaging 5 hours of sleep a night due to a change in my anti-depressants for the past 3 weeks.Going back to see the Dr on Friday as I cannot go on like this as I am taking a sleeping tablet so god knows what it would be like without it.

Dr changed my meds as this is a new drug which they have had good results with people who have chronic pain like me. The first two weeks coming off the old meds and introducing the new ones were hell I must say. Pain was so bad I had to get some crutches to walk and was very teary.

The mood now is better and I feel like I have more get up and go and more importantly I'm taking less pain meds so in that regards there has been an improvement - it's just the damn sleep issue, so will have to wait and see.

Anyway better go work awaits!

WEIGH IN - WOO HOO!

2009-10-29T20:52:00.004+11:00

Weighed in today at 116.6 kg (256.52lbs) which is a loss this week of 1.5 kg ( 3.3lbs) - go me!

The best part of all is I didn't feel deprived or hungry once and was able identify when I'd had enough. Fingers crossed I've found my sweet spot in regards to my restriction level.

So that's a total of 3.9 kg (8.58 lbs) since 12th October and I haven't even started to exercise yet.

Unfortunately my holidays are over and today was my first day back at work which was quiet, thank goodness due to my boss being away. I'm sure that will change once he returns on Monday - bugger!

Well I didn't cross much off my holiday to-do list but hey I must have done something right as everyone was telling me today how great I looked. I think my new hair colour and cut may have helped with that.

My daughter is continuing on with her final exams, she only has one left - drama and not until 12th November, so now it will be a wait for her results then to see what universities she is offered a place at, what see needs to do now is get a part time job.

Anyhow time for bed as I'm exhausted - ciao!

A WEIGH IN

2009-10-19T13:17:00.002+11:00

My new restriction is working well I weighed in today at 118.1kg (259.8 lbs) recording a loss of 2.4 kgs ( 5.2 lbs).

Had a few problems with food getting stuck but really is my own fault as I didn't chew it properly on one occasion and then scoffed the food down because I was upset on another occasion.

I'm learning that taking the time to chew properly and saviour food has helped with the head hunger issue,as previously after eating my cup of food I would feel I haven't had enough to eat even though my stomach felt full.

As mentioned previously I want to get back to the gym these holidays but am finding I'm waking up with a serious headache every morning which dosen't go until mid afternoon, so don't know why that is, might have to get my blood pressure checked.

Anyway better go and start my ironing - dang!

FLUFFING AROUND

2009-10-16T08:19:00.005+11:00

Since I started my holidays on Monday I have been fluffing around and not achieving all the great and wonderful things I planned to do.

My week so far has gone like this

Monday - Visit to Lap band surgeon and fill - 3/4 day

Tuesday - Fluffing around at home (not really doing anything) then afternoon with
the Tax Accountant.

Wednesday - Take daughter to school to attend study sessions,visit the shops and do
some groceries.Pick up daughter from school.

Thursday - Go into work for 3 hours (Yes I'm a sucker for punishment) then drop by
Tax Accountant to pick up our tax returns and find out how much we are not getting back - ha!

Friday - Go back to shops to try on this gorgeous top I saw, then come back home
to contemplate my navel rather than do some much needed housework.

So my first week is nearly over - egad!

Must be better prepared for next week this is what I want to achieve

1. Start back at the gym
2. Investigate aqua aerobic classes
3. Start my spring cleaning for Xmas
4. Go to the movies with my daughter
5. Spend some time with my mother
6. Visit my Aunt(who has been unwell)

On band news I'm happy to report my band is

I am now satisfied after my smaller meals and am not constantly thinking about what I can eat next. The downside is I cannot eat steak anymore as I tried some last night and no matter how small a mouthful I took and chewed the crap out of it, it still got stuck. So really for me it's a small price to pay for having the desired restriction. I have already started to drop some weight so all in all I'm happy with it.

Better be off and get dressed for my fluff around today - have a good weekend all.

NO WONDER I COULD EAT HALF A COW

2009-10-13T08:33:00.002+11:00

Went back to see my Lapband Surgeon for a follow up visit - I have gained nearly 5 kilos since my last visit.

Then went and had a fill to find out I didn't have 6 mls in my band as thought but only 4 mls which explains why I have been so darn hungry all the time and gained some weight.I now wish I had done something about it earlier as February was the date of my last fill.

I now have 7 mls in a 10 ml band and feel very tight, which is what I want. I need to get into the "tough love" space again. It works for me.

I now have to be extra, extra careful with taking smaller mouthfulls and ensuring I chew,chew,chew(having said that I'm currently having trouble with a slice of toast I havn't chewed properly)

I'm currently on holidays and I plan to use this tiome to get back into the gym again but wont be going to today as I have a monster headache and am supposed to see the tax accountant later on.

Better go I feel like I have a brick in my chest - time for a PB!!!

HAPPENINGS

2009-09-29T21:46:00.002+10:00

Life has been much the same - trying to stay "normal".

Booked myself in for a fill today as I'm able to eat too much of what I'm not supposed to eat - like steak for one thing. Will have to wait until the 12th Oct though.

I want to have the same restriction I had when I first got the band , I want it tighter than a fish's arse!! And you know that's watertight!!! lol!

Darling daughter has only three days of school left before she leaves - sigh! Where has the time gone. Then she's off on a HSC Study Conference for a week run by the Anglican Church.These conferences are designed to provide students with around 30 hours of supervised study for the week without any distractions like the TV,computer or games etc. This is a relief for me as it takes the pressure off me nagging her to "do some study"

I think this is a great idea for students to do before their final exams and I hope she gets alot out of it as she can stress out a bit over exams.

When she gets back I'm having two weeks off work before her exams start to make sure things are running smoothly, so I am counting down the days for that.

Anyways off the bed now to read my book - a Jodi Piccoult novel which is my second one I've read of hers and a little - ho hum I must say. I'm really more into mystery's and thrillers. My mum has lent me the new Dan Brown novel so cannot wait to start that.

HAS IT BEEN THAT LONG

2009-09-20T12:12:00.005+10:00

Wow! Where has the time gone, I can't believe it's been so long since my last post.

We are still having issues with the insurance company, they want to pay us out a paltry amount and on top of that we have to organise trades people to fix the problem. The problem is because the job is a repair no one is interested in doing
the work - and there's supposed to be a recession on! The only company that gave us a quote wants to charge $6.5K to replace 1 x.900 (3ft) cupboard and 4 doors - WTF!!!

The second problem is we cannot match the existing doors and the insurance company is saying they wont replace all the doors so they match as they only repair or replace a "reasonable" amount. My argument is a kitchen is one of the main rooms of the house, right and having 4 doors which don't match the rest of the kitchen is unreasonable as it will devalue the house if ever we want to sell it. It's not like a bedroom or even bathroom that is not the main living areas.

Does anyone have any suggestions, because it's at a stalemate at the moment.

Since my last post,my eating has been up and down. At the moment it's good, I lost 3.8kg in a week, only trouble is since my last weight (refer the side bar) I gained 3.2kg, so even though happy with this weeks effort, I'm disappointed in myself for putting on in the first place. Fuck when will I ever learn.

The thing that has helped me this week is my daughter. She is doing the shakes again, having one for breakfast, and having protein and salads/veges for lunch and dinner,so I have stopped buying all the crap like ice cream and chocolate biscuits. Having someone else in the same boat definitely helps, so I hope we can spur each other on.

My daughter leaves school in two weeks,13 years of school are soon over. I cannot believe it has gone so fast.Her final exams are in Oct/Nov so she is busy with study etc. She wants to go to University and do a performing arts degree, so I hope she gets into her first preference, but it depends on her exam marks which wont come in until mid December.

Just a small comment on the band, it's coming up to nearly a year now and while I admit to working against it during some of this time, it definatley has helped me with the eating binges I used to have pre-band and I have lost 18 kilos and kept it off (apart from the small ups and downs) so all in all I still think I made the right decision.

Now I'm going to admit to something I wasn't planning to, but this blog is after all "my therapy". My depression has returned - to be honest it has never left but at the moment it's re tuned with a vengeance. It takes all my efforts to get up and go to work, I'm exhausted with acting out that nothing is wrong and I'm on top of things.I'm in the black bottomless pit and no one know I'm there. I think I know why I'm like I'm am but just can't see a way out at the moment - I need help!

BITS AND PIECES

2009-08-30T10:54:00.002+10:00

We are having a battle with the insurance company,they don't want to fix the kitchen cupboards, they want to pay us a paltry amount and leave it up to us to organise a cabinetmaker to come in. Also if he charges more than they give us it is just bad luck, I'm, not happy and am going to look into it as this is one of the major insurers who have a "new for old" policy.

The carpets are all dry and salvagable, so the carpet people are coming tomorrow to replace the underlay,refit the carpets and give them a steam clean,so will be glad when that's done as there is crap all over the house and I hate mess and clutter.

On the weight loss front I have lost .900 grams (2 lbs) since I last weighed in and though not great it's a loss and to be frank I have been off and on with my eating all week.

It's my birthday on Wednesday - two years off from the big 50 which scares the crap out of me. Funny how we let numbers rule our lives - weight,age,bank balances! lol!
I'm really not one to hide my age but 50 is BIG for me I remember feeling the same when I turned 35 - ha!

Anyways better go and finish the weekend housework.

WATER LOGGED

2009-08-16T13:26:00.003+10:00

Came home Friday night to be greeted with the kitchen and family room 4 inches under water.

Seems the hose on one of the kitchen taps split and water was gushing out for at least 2.5 hrs,luckily all this room is tiled, but some water did get into the carpet in the loungeroom and one of bedrooms.

What a mess, I can tell you, we were all up till midnight mopping up floors, using towels to soak up the carpet and cleaning out the kitchen cupboards. I'm going to call the insurance company on Monday as we have water damage to the cupboards and my large rug I had in the family room is totally ruined. I'm also worried about the damp carpets as they are only three years old and I don't want any mildew to set in.

Yesterday I went to the races as our boy was running,we had a lovely lunch in the Members Stand with my mother,aunt and uncle but it was marred by me being tired from the previous nights episode, also the boy didn't win or place,he was top weight and it got the better of him. He did give it his best as always - such an honest horse, you can't ask for anything more than that.

Suffice to say I'm knackered today, joints and muscles aching like hell and Iv'e got a mountain load of ironing to do.

Food has been good, though I did have three courses and some champers yesterday - very nice indeed.

D DAY

2009-08-13T09:14:00.003+10:00

Well here it is - 116.8kg (256.9lbs),up by 3 kg's since the last time I recorded my weigh on this blog.

Not surprising for me BUT at least not to bad as preband it would probably be 10 kg's.

This morning I had 1 boiled egg and half a small pit pocket bread toasted with a cup of tea (will work out the calories later)and still feel very full after 2.5hrs

Lunch is some crackers with tuna,tomato and low fat mayo. I will post my cals later on here.

Pandora,your comment re my water intake - yes I agree with you I should be having 2 litres but since being banded I just cannot consume that quantity as it overfills my stomach and I then have some troubles with eating food. I will though try and work out ways to increase this maybe spreading out the drinking more as I tend to scull liquids all in one go , maybe should try sipping more frequently. And I also agree on the calories as well, as bodies go into starvation mode when calories are drastically reduced shutting down metabolism.

MOOD/SATIETY METER

Breakfast
1 x boiled egg
1/2 Pita Pocket Bread
Skim Capp
Cals 214

Mood - good
Satiety - good

Lunch
4 x 98% FF Premium Crackers
125g Tuna in S/Water
2tbsp Low fat Mayo
1 med tomato
Tea with S/Milk
Cals 312

Mood - Good
Satiey - Over Full & uncomforatble(Must try and not drink with meals)

HOW LOW CAN I GO

2009-08-12T13:17:00.003+10:00

I watch a program from the UK on cable called Supersize v's Superskinny.

It's where two people are brought in for a weeks residential - one is grossly underweight and the other is grossly overweight.They then swap their normal diets for the week ie the superskinny gets to eat all the crap the overweight persons normally eats the the overweight person eats the minuscule portions of the superskinny.

It's interesting seeing what some people eat and in last night's episode the skinny person ate 800 calories a day and the obese one ate 4100 cals a day, for one meal alone she had 30 (yes thirty) sausage rolls, which made the skinny girl gag at the thought of it (must admit it made me gag as well).

After the week is finished they then get given diet sheets individually tailored and come back in 12 weeks for an assessment, it's quite an interesting show.

Anyways I'm diverting, it bring me back to my title,how low can I go, I mean of course in relation to calories. Could I survive on 800cals while trying to lose weight.

As the Lapband bible tells us, we should aim to eat between 1000 - 1200 cal and only eat 3 meals a day - no snacking between meals, they even condone missing meals if you can, claiming the lapband makes you forget about food and feeling like you want to eat, which between you and me is a crock of shit as I'm constantly thinking about what I can have next.

You probably are aware as I'm not posting my weight I'm not losing any - and your absolutely right - I have swapped quantity for quality which means I eat less food but it it usually the crappier option, like butter,standard cheese, chocolate, biscuits etc

So I have decided I'm going to do some research and self testing, I'm going to see what is the lowest calorie value I can survive on. The rules will be as follows

1. Must eat 3 meals a day
2. Must eat low fat
3. Must eat good quality foods
4. Eliminate simple carbs, like the cakes,choccies etc
5. Drink 1.5 litres water a day
6. Record all food and most importantly record hunger and mood levels.
7. Must weigh in weekly and be accountable on this blog

So tomorrow is the day, I'll weigh myself and start from there.

HOME - THANK GOD!

2009-07-30T18:13:00.003+10:00

Came home today with a diagnosis - praise be to the Lord!

Seems I have Diverticulitis to add to by bow of complaints.

For those you don't know this is a condition of the large intestine where pockets form in the bowel.It is a by product of being constipated,so for all you lapband gals and any body else for that matter,don't ignore being constipated like I have.

Anyhow problems start when waste material (poosies) get trapped in the pockets and they get infected causing pain,fevers and generally feeling like shit.Being regular stops the pockets from filling end getting infected,so the aim is to be regular.

Also I have to steer clear of anything with seeds,nuts grains as these can get caught as well.

So armed with some antibiotics, laxatives and ampoule's of a anti spasmodic I have to inject when I get an attack I was happily discharged this afternoon.

I'm happy to have a diagnosis as I was getting sick and tired of bouncing off various Doctors with my complaints.

Being in hospital when you really are not sick sucks, the days drag on and the highlight of the days are when my meal come.

Speaking of the meals Chris asked me if the food was good. The food is magnificent especially for hospital food. Today at lunch I had Fillet Mignon with herb butter. Very yummy indeed,last night I had a Chicken and Mango Salad which had the most divine orange mint dressing.

My tactic was to have what I wanted but I only ate half of everything, so I did not feel deprived. I stayed away from the snacks in between, as there were things like individual pecan pies, date scones,triple chunk chocolate cookies which looked yummy.

They also made the best hot chocolates and cappuccinos, really the food is restaurant grade and always came hot which is one thing I'm fussy about, I like my food and not lukewarm. So considering all of that I'm happy how I handled the eating side of things.

I'm going to stay home tomorrow and go back to work on Monday.

On Saturday I will be going out to lunch with 5 of my high school friends. It will be the first time in what 25 years we are all together for a reunion.My bestie is heading off the live in Singapore as her hubby is a merchant banker for a Canadian bank and his job has been relocated there - boohoo!

You know even though we only see each other a couple times a year I will miss her as she is the only other person who really knows and understands me - the other one is my mother, so it will be a sad day - for me anyhow.

So that's it for me - catch you later!

COMING TO YOU LIVE.......

2009-07-28T21:48:00.002+10:00

Yes, we are live from my hospital bed, feeling a little battle fatigued.

I had a colonoscopy and gastroscopy yesterday,boy did that pack a punch or what. I lost 5kg's during the bowel prep alone, gives a new meaning to being "full of shit" dosen't it.

Results were good though, no colitis,no nasties.

Today had an abdominal ultrasound targeting my liver, and gave enough blood to feed Transylvania for a week. We are patiently waiting for a no 2 sample to happen, why they did not get this while I was having the bowel prep I don't know.

I think the upshot of all this is they just have no idea what the f#ck is wrong and I'm starting to feel like a fraud as I haven't had a bad attack for two weeks now which in one way is good)but I would have liked to have had one here so they could witness it first hand.I see the $200 man again tomorrow, maybe he'll just give up and send me home.

I have a private room and a nice view of the City skyline, room faces west and gets bloody hot in the afternoon, so hot I need to have my fan on (and it's supposed to be winter here!)

To be honest I haven't been on the laptop much mainly because I don't want a lot of people seeing me on it as there is no place to lock it away and I would hate to get it nicked, if you remember my last visit here I had my purse and mobile phone stolen.
Also haven't really has the time and felt much like sitting on a computer, so really it was a bit pie in the sky thinking I would do heaps of work on it.

Anyway better go and settle down for the night - cheerio folks!

HORSES FOR CAUSES - OF COURSE OF COURSE

2009-07-22T19:38:00.002+10:00

Well, I'm silently praying I get a phone call telling me they are postponing my hospital stay in favour of keeping beds free for Swine Flu patients but I don't like my chances as I'm going into a private hospital.

I'm really NOT looking forward to having to spend more time in hospital but what can I do about it.

I have been working flat out like a lizard drinking at work trying to tie up loose ends before I go, I convinced them to buy me a laptop so I can log into our system through remote access and do some work, so I'll have plenty of time on my hands to read every one's blogs now.

Remember a few weeks ago I told you about my doggie having a seizure, well on Sunday night he had 3 in the space of 10 hours - very scary. So off to the vet's we went and he is now on tablets for epilepsy to see if they help. I have been letting him sleep with me the last two nights,as he usually sleeps in the laundry but I'd hate for him to have a seizure and no one is around to help him if he got into trouble, as he stops breathing while having them.

This is just what I need now as I'll be so worried for him while I'm in hospital as hubby and daughter panic when he has one and don't do anything to help him. I'd be devastated if anything happened to him while I was away - the little bugger is like my other child.

Other news, my uncle's horse won today at Randwick at 25/1 odds - WOOFREAKINHOO! Pity I didn't have more than my usual $10 on it.Couldn't get there had to listen to it on the radio at work and nearly screamed the office down and will be definitely staying up late tonight to watch the reply on Sky Channel.

Anyway bye for now and I hope to post before I go in.

GOING WITH THE FLOW AT LEAST TRYING TO

2009-07-16T20:56:00.004+10:00

If I was an animal I'd probably be put down, unless of course if I had me as an owner - Ha!

I had my appointment with the Immunologist on Tuesday to be told I was being admitted straight away as things have gone a bit pear shaped.I had a time convincing him I could not come in straight away due to work commitments (my boss is away O/S and I'm the money lady)so we agreed on the 26th July and I'll be there at least a week!

For f*cks sake - here we go again,you know it will be a year to the day when I was admitted last year and that was a two week marathon of getting things shoved in every orifice and cavity I owned. It was that admission where I was advised to get a lap-band and had my first consult with the surgeon and we all know THAT story afterwards - who could forget!!!!

What can I do though, I know I have to go in and get things sorted and I also need to try and stay calm and go with the flow as it's just not worth worrying about things I cannot change, but it hard I can tell you. Consequently my band has been sooooo tight and even the tiniest amount of food is getting stuck and hard to get down.

Well at least this time my weight will not be 134kg, so maybe I'll fit into those gorgeous gowns better and wont be flashing my derriere as much.

The weekend will be spent looking for new pj's as all the ones I'm wearing at home are just about falling off me and could be mistaken as tarpaulins or something from rent-a-tent!

Darlings,if I'm going in to the lions den I need to look glamorous!!!

PFTTTT!!!

2009-07-09T13:15:00.002+10:00

Well another wasted $90.00 and half a day after my specialists appointment yesterday.

Can't tell me why I'm getting these blimin pains he does not think it is related to the band (which I tend to agree with him) suggested I go and have another Colonoscopy and a Gastroscope so he can be certain there is nothing wrong with the band an check on my colitis, my reaction to that is a big fat - F@#K!.

I have to see the Immunologist next Tuesday so will wait to see what he says as these two Dr's are partners in crime - Ha!

Anyways, moving forward, I am going to tackle this myself by making sure I stick to the rules rigidly. I mean I'll be the first to admit I have been self sabotaging the band with eating the wrong foods and quantity of. So from now on I'm keeping a food journal, sticking to no more than 1200 cals and reduce the amount of fat in my diet, so no more butter and eating the fat off the meat.

Got to start moving again, but let's get the eating right first, otherwise I know I'll be bombarded and then succumb to the pressure.

So that's it, one positive from yesterday - I stilled recorded a loss - only 1 kg but hey my record with weigh in with him is still still on the downward trend - yay me!(

Motto for today: Always play to the positives!

GETTING BACK ON TRACK

2009-07-06T12:44:00.002+10:00

I've been working up to this moment for a while now.

It's time to give myself a kick up the backside and get things moving again on the weight loss front.

Enough wallowing in self pity and excuses, I'm the only one who can change the course of my life from now on.

Thanks to those who commented on my last post, and I agree with you all, the past is the past, learn to live with it and move on. Shit happens, not just to me but to everyone, how we handle the shit is the key. So from now on my shit will be handled as a life experience,something to learn and grow with.

I have a lot of things to be grateful for, I've been given a wonderful tool (Lapband)to help me beat the obesity, so it's time to start giving it and myself the respect they deserve.

I see the surgeon on Wednesday, so I hope all my test results are good, so we can move forward from there.

I'm going to start my weekly weigh ins again, I think they help with the focus and accountability. Anyways will check in again once I have been to the surgeon.

WEIGHTLOSS UPDATE

2009-06-22T12:59:00.002+10:00

As this is supposed to be a weightloss blog, I thought I had better report in on how I'm going.

The fact of the matter is I haven't,I've been on a self sabotaging mission for the last 4 weeks or so.I've been using my stress as a piss poor excuse to eat whatever I like. Mind you the quantities are small it is more the quality of my choices that is appalling.So to give you an example my cholestrol has gone from a reasonable 5.3 to 7.4 since having the lapband.It's all my own fault though as I started to reintroduce butter into my diet again, saying to myself "Oh now I'm not eating as much I can spare a little butter here and there. Of course I didn't mean butter so thick it looks like a slice of flippen cheese!!

Oh and I should not forget the chocolate either!

So my weight has been yo-yoing for the past month. The reality of all this is coming home to roost though as I'm feeling pretty craptastic and most of all disappointed in myself.

My therapist asked me last week what did I fear most in losing weight. She knows the answer but I cannot bring it out into the open with my family and the people responisible after all these years - it would kill my parents.How do I deal with a tramatic event in my life without telling the world about it?????? How do I expalin to my husband and daughter why I'm like I am - it terrifies me.

So that where I'm at fighting the demons,it's a shame this lapband dosen't come with a Brain Band as well.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2009-06-09T21:05:00.015+10:00

As previously mentioned my one and only child turned 18 last week, here's tribute of photo's over the last 18 years.

8 weeks old and I thought you were most gorgeous baby ever

Aged 3 and on our way to see Disney on Ice (I just loved dressing you up)

Aged 8 taken at your first National titles of Irish Dancing (I was so proud of you)

Aged 10 With Nan & Pop on your first day at a new school

Age 16 before your school formal

18 (At last!)

BAD BLOGGER

2009-06-08T20:35:00.003+10:00

I've been a bad blogger of late haven't I.

I have been so caught up with work at the moment I feeled totally whacked to find the time and inclination to do anything else at the moment.

My world seems to fall apart when I'm under stress, or more aptly I let it fall apart. Also my weight loss efforts have been in vain as I've been doing some pretty hard emotional eating of all things bloody chocolate. My daughter had to sell two bloody boxes of Freddo Frogs and Caramello Bears, guess who ate the most - we did and I'm not even a big chocolate lover.

Speaking of my daughter she turned 18 last week,gosh that time has gone fast, I will put together a post for her with some photos to commemorate the big event.

I had my CT Scan last week and it should nothing, which is good, but still leaves why I'm having these periodical bouts of pain. I think I'm going to keep a diary of my food etc and see if their is any pattern there.

Yesterday we had a scare with our dog Oscar (the Master of Disaster) he was asleep on the lounge when I heard some grunting, I found him having some sort of convulsion, his little body was rigid and jerky like he was having a fit. He was also frothing at the mouth and clearly not breathing.

I put him on the floor and started rubbing him to try and stimulate him to no avail,I screamed out for my daughter to get something to wipe his mouth as I was prepared to give him mouth to mouth!! While I was waiting for her I started pumping on his chest and he thank god started to breath. He initially could not stand and seemed to have trouble with his coordination which lasted about 5 minutes, then he seemed OK.

I think he may have had a hypoxic episode maybe caused by sleep apnoea.I decided to keep him inside for the night and we both slept on the lounge, which I'm glad I did as the poor little bugger had to go out twice during the night to have a spew, so something is amiss. I'll take him tho the vet's tomorrow.

I suppose you all think I'm crazy sleeping with him and being prepared to do CPR, but I really love my dog and I treat all my animals like another family member, besides he's the only one who loves me UNCONDITIONALLY.

We had a long weekend here to celebrate the Queens Birthday, it's also the time they hand out the Queens Honours to deserving Australians, - I was quite shocked to discover I did not receive anything - HA! You think I could have been awarded something like "Her great contribution to eating Freddo Frogs and Caramello Bears - WhAAAAAAA!!!!!

HELLO - I SAY HELLOOO!

2009-05-25T13:15:00.002+10:00

Sorry for the hiatus, I've been flat out like a lizard drinking,so much to do so little time to do it in.

Everything just seems to be hitting me at one time, as I mentioned my assistant left 2 weeks ago and as I expected they have only replaced her with a part timer who has no experience in this field and I'm having to teach her from scratch. Nice lady but awfully slow and forgetful - I'm pulling my hair out.

I haven't had my CT Scan yet, had to cancel it twice already due to work commitments, I have another booking next week so will just have to get there no matter what.The stress sure doesn't do anything for my overall health I can tell you.

My eating has been "on the run" things for the past couple of weeks and I consequently feel like shit and have gained weight, too much bloody chocolate I know.Also, scoffing down fast meals has not done my band any favours with PB'ing being a frequent occurrence.

Oh well, I can only do what I can and remember to breathe.

F*CK ME DEAD!

2009-05-06T13:09:00.002+10:00

My visit to the specialist yesterday really didn't give me any answers which I suppose I knew already.

I've got to have a CT scan of my abdomen and provide a stool sample, here we bloody go again. He said if we don't find anything with that I'd have to be admitted again -my answer to that was NO BLOODY WAY AM I COMING BACK IN HOSPITAL AGAIN.

He hinted again at it being a rejection (of the band) so that's really great news after all I've gone through. I'd be devastated if I have to get it removed.

To add to this my assistant has put in her resignation and there are not going to replace her, so I'm super stressed with this and every other bloody thing at the moment.

HORROR WEEK

2009-05-04T08:05:00.002+10:00

Sorry I haven't been around here and to all your blogs.

I've had a horror week with work and health issues.

My assistant was on a weeks leave and everything just went BANG! at work all at the same time. I work in Credit and we had quite a few large accounts hit the wall which of course means huge losses for us. I don't think I want to relive that again, but unfortunately due due to the economic times it's gong to happen again.

So to really cap it off on Tuesday morning after drinking a cup of tea I had these really bad pains around the neck of my stomach. So bad I had to excuse myself from one of the crisis meetings and sit in the loo until it passed 10 mins later.

I had a wrap for breakfast which I ate in the car on the way to work and thought maybe I didn't chew it enough and it was stuck, so I played it safe at lunchtime.

About 4pm I was so thirsty I grabbed a can of Pepsi Max and sculled maybe 1/4 of the can, them WHAMMO! it hit me - the pain was I think the worst thing I have ever experienced. I felt like my stomach was about to burst,after 45 mins I thought I better get try and get home,don't know how in hell I drove the 15min trip, I was in agony all the way.

To make matter worse my husband and daughter were not at home so I staggered next door to the neighbours and promptly collapsed.They rang an ambulance I was taken to Emergency.The worst thing though is I kept telling them about the Lap band and everything else and they were treating me for a bloody heart attack.

So 7 hours later,feeling worse for wear and an arm black and blue from them trying to put in a cannula I was released and told I had a Urinary Tract Infection - yeah right! That must be the Clayton's diagnosis when you don't know.

I still feel a bit dodgy and have to be very careful with the diet as I'm still getting the pains, so I'm going to try and get back the the specialist tomorrow. Let's hope it's nothing serious.

FIGJAM MOMENT

2009-04-23T13:00:00.003+10:00

I make no apologies for this "Figjam" moment.

My lap band surgeon is extremely happy with my progress and actually chided me for feeling my weight loss has been poor.

He said as I started from a low weight ( since when is 134kg a low weight) AND taking into account my daily steroid medication, I'm doing a "wonderful" job and he is more than happy with everything.

My waist measurement has gone from 132cm to 117cm - so a loss of 15cm AND he is noticing a difference every time I come in for a consult.

I have to be happy with that! Phew a relief I must say.

Yes, once again I'm doing alright!!!!

COUPLE DAYS OFF

2009-04-21T07:25:00.003+10:00

I'm having two planned days off work.

I decided to have these at the last minute as I have a Dr's appointment today with the lapband surgeon and it's school holidays here,so thought my daughter could do with some company.

Yesterday we went shopping and I bought a nice top and vest from my favourite store Taking Shape, some wool to knit a throw and some tyres for the car. There goes my Government Stimulus Package. For those of you who may not know the Federal Govt here is handing out a maximun of $900.00 for taxpayers in an attempt to get the economy "stimulated" again. My husbands and mine will go on our cars, new tyres for both and long overdue services - boring!!!

Last week I put some clothes on Ebay - 7 items all from Taking Shape (of course).
They all sold and I earnt $260.00, so not a bad effort. I've got a few more to list just need to get the time to do all the leg work.

In the past month Iv'e had this desire to start knitting again. I mean I usually knit every winter, but never seem to finish anything. I have a jumper and a cardigan to do. I'm on my last sleeve of each so I will finish these damn things once and for all then start on my throw.

The knitting helps me to keep my hands out of the pantry and fridge of a night. I still get the snack attacks after dinner even though my stomach is full, how long does the sugar cravings last for!!!

Anyhow better sign off and let the "Master of Disaster" (dog) out for a pee - until next time.

WEIGH IN

2009-04-16T21:00:00.006+10:00

I know I said on my last post I was going to cut back on my weigh ins, but to tell you the truth since I made that decision to cut myself some slack coupled with my mini epiphany of finally feeling positive about my efforts has done wonders for my head issues.

Sounds dumb I know but the last few days I have felt less stressed which has had a major effect on the food I have eaten. I know I'm an emotional eater but there is definitely a direct correlation between my negative feelings and overeating.Though now with the band it's more eating the wrong foods as I'm unable to eat the quantities I did before.

Move over Dr Phil cause he comes Dr Celtic - mwaaaa!

So here are the numbers

Weight today: 114.6kg (252.12lbs)
Weight lost: 1.1kg (2.42lbs)
Total weight lost: 19.2kg (42.24lbs)

WOOHOO!

DOING ALRIGHT

2009-04-14T20:51:00.005+10:00

Hope you all had a great Easter.

Mine was quiet which is just how I like it.

I had my folks over for Sunday lunch, I cooked a Maple Syrup Glazed Ham which was very nice and also a White Chocolate cake with White Chocolate Ganache.

It looked divine but tasted crappy. Even though I followed the recipe directions precisely the cake came out too hard and you needed a jackhammer to cut the damn thing.

Consequently I only had one piece which I suppose in the long run was a good thing.

My request for no chocolate was taken and I only received one small bunny which I gave to my daughter. I did though have a hot cross bun on Good Friday.

I have been thinking about cutting out my weekly weigh ins and maybe extending them to fortnightly or even monthly.I think I'm putting too much stress on myself as I have been comparing myself to others who are achieving more weight loss than myself over a similar period and feeling a bit letdown.

I mean all of our circumstances are different right, but it's hard sometimes not to bash yourself around the head when your not doing as well as the others.

My biggest hurdle is my head,and today after thinking about some things I actually told myself "Your doing alright".

I've managed to lose nearly 19kg, I'm feeling a lot better than I've felt in a long time.I hold down a full time job which is not just a 38 hour week, but can go up to 50 hours oer week. I run a household, I organise my family.

All this while dealing with Depression and a Auto Immune Disease causing chronic pain, yes Celtic Girl is doing alright!

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE

2009-04-09T18:14:00.004+10:00

Won't be around for the next few days so I hope you all have a happy and relaxing Easter.

Weigh in will have to "weight" until next week. Determined to make my stomach a chocolate free zone, but will partake in a hot cross bun on Good Friday - yummy.

Here's an oldie but a goody - take care everyone!

THOUGHTFUL REFLECTIONS

2009-04-07T20:42:00.006+10:00

One of the guy's at work recently commented on how much weight I had lost and how it was "really noticeable".

It was one of those casual off handed comments which took me a little by surprise - a nice surprise I might add. It made me think about how things have changed for me since losing the 18 odd kilos to date.

So I decided to jot the main things down so I can look back on these and hopefully add to them as I go along.

1.I can do a day's worth of housework now where before I'd be lucky to get half of it done before feeling shattered.

2.I have more energy than I did before

3.Even though I still get down or depressed there is a light at the end of the tunnel attitude now and I rarely feel like I'm back in the bottomless pit.

4.I am calmer at work and not getting frustrated at minor things like I used to.

5. My joint pains are improved - not gone but improved.

6. I have dropped a couple of sizes in clothes

7. My shoes are looser and some have to be thrown out because they are way to wide now for my feet

8. I no longer have to contort my body in weird ways just to cut or paint my toenails - woohoo!

9. My fortnightly massages are becoming enjoyable and relaxing and not torture as they once were due to all the excess fat.

I still have a long way to go (as my surgeon keeps on telling me - no shit Sherlock!)
but I'm getting some runs on the board.My areas for improvement are definitely exercise,being more consistent with the food AND getting the waste works working properly.

I WISH!

WEIGH IN

2009-04-03T07:31:00.002+11:00

Wow, it's been 3 weeks since I last recorded a official weigh in - where does the time go.

Today's weight is 115.7kg (254.54lbs) so a loss of 1.3kg (2.86lbs).

Eating has been under control, my restriction is still good but I think I could manage some more in my band.

My hunger is pretty much in control most of the day though I still have some sugar cravings in the late afternoon and after dinner.

I've been having those Nescafe Skim Cappuccino sachets with some sweetener in the afternoons which help out and at night when it's bad I nibble on 1 ginger nut biscuit.

The bowels are still not great and it's now been 5 days without going again so I may just have to bite the bullet and get the Movacol.

Hey that's a idea - bullets - you know the chocolate covered licorice ones - now they sure make me go!!!!!

WORKING ON THE HEAD

2009-03-29T15:55:00.003+11:00

The constipation has improved as long as I remember to take the Benefibre.

I didn't weigh in last Friday just really could not be bothered. My motivation at the moment is pretty pathetic, I know why, it's only taken me 40 something years to work it out.

I'm dealing with a fair amount of stress at the moment at home and at work and have been turning to the old favourite and enemy number one - food . I had a pretty scary moment last week at work where I medicated myself with something and 30 minutes later had my head down the bowl felling nauseous as hell and dry retching.

Suffice to say it did not do my band any good as I had bad pains in the stomach all afternoon and have had to really go back onto mushie foods again.

While rummaging around for one of my psychology books on Cognitive Behaviour Therapy I found my old Dr Phil's Weight loss book. This book is based on CBT so have started reading it again and will do the exercises as well which was one of the reasons I never finished the damn thing cause I couldn't be arsed at the time to do the work.

The other reason I gave up on it was because I read the book in Dr Phil's southern drawl and it was driving me crazy!!! lol Funny thing now I'm not doing it - go figure.

Exercise has been pretty much non existent due to my usual aches and pains and next week I have to help hubby in our part time cleaning business as his offsider is away so am really not looking forward to that - NOT

I mentioned a few weeks ago I was given a promotion at work, well we hired someone to take over my payroll duties for two days a week. I still have to oversee the wages but it will be good once the new person is up and trained. I hope that cuts out some of my stress as Wednesday's are the pits.

So my mission for the week is to concentrate on the head,getting my thoughts pattern right and working on changing the undesirable eating behaviours - that should be easy right?

THURSDAY FUNNY

2009-03-26T07:56:00.003+11:00

GOLD - I SAY GOLD!

2009-03-23T18:44:00.002+11:00

Things are a bit better in the ablutions department, not great but at least the "seal has been broken" - ha ha !

I bought some Benefibre after I found out the Movacol (not Movalon as I mentioned in my last post - wishful thinking) was a tad expensive at nearly $40.00.

I have been sticking fairly close to home as I have taken so much laxative material I expected it to come with a G force high enough the crack the sound barrier!!!!!

So will have to wait and see what eventuates as there is over a weeks worth - damn beavers!!!

A SHITTY FRAME OF MIND

2009-03-19T21:37:00.004+11:00

I'm constipated.

Sorry if this is a bit too much information but it causing me a lot of grief.

I've tried everything, prunes,psyillium(spelling?)husks,suppositories to name a few.

Weigh in has been cancelled his week as I know I will show a gain as I'm bloated as hell and feel fat,fat FAT.

I'm also carrying huge amounts of fluid from all the extra water I'm drinking to try and shift the blockage. Maybe I've had a beaver take up residence in my bowels and the little bugger has built his dam across my colon!!! lol!

I've never been this bad before. The next thing I will try is a product called Movalon - so I hope it does what is says and MOVE IT ALONG!!!!!

Failing this the next step is getting some country to switch their nuclear testing to my colon!!!!!

WEIGH IN

2009-03-13T07:36:00.002+11:00

Weighed in today 117kg (257.4lbs) for a loss of 400 grams.

Although small its still a loss and takes me to 2 losses in a row.

Exercise can still be better. I forced myself and booked a reassessment at the gym which I did last night. The stats were better than when I had my last one in July 08 which I expected anyway, but its good for the mind to see downward numbers on the form.

I did a 20 rep circuit on the machines then 25 minutes on the treadmill and must admit felt good after, so I will put that positive feeling into my memory bank and recall it when I have any reservations about going again.

I still need to work on the food plan,will try and sit down tonight and do it so I can go armed to the shops on Saturday.

MOVIES & MUTTS

2009-03-07T16:39:00.003+11:00

Went to the movies today and saw - Watchman.

I was looking forward to it as that super spunk Jeffrey Dean Morgan was in it. For those who watch Grays Anatomy he briefly played Denny the patient who was dying and marries Katherine Heigel's character on his death bed - sigh!

The movie is based on the DC Comics of the 1980,s about a group of superheros called The Watchmen. I must admit I didn't really know much about it as my daughter had to fill me in. I'd give the movie 7/10, it was entertaining though a little long at 160 minutes.

This angelic face is currently out of my good books at the moment. He had a bit of a scrap with his mother and mummy came off second best.

I was trying to retrieve a bone from the little bugger and he's very possessive about his bones.As I was holding him by the collar so my daughter could retrieve it, the little bugger tried to get away and sunk his teeth into my hand. I made it worse by pulling my hand out of his mouth which did all the damage, so had to make a trip to the Emergency Dept last night and have it looked at as there was quite a bit of meat hanging out and bleeding badly.

I know he should not do this, but I think he felt cornered by me and my daughter, I should not have pushed the issue, but used a diversion tactic to get it. He knew straightaway he was in TROUBLE and hid under the table and has been trying to suck up to mum ever since - the little shit!

He's not a vicious dog by any means, I mean I can take any food away from him and there's not problem, it's just his bones he gets territorial about, oh well a lesson well learnt I can tell you and no more bones for you buddy!

WEIGH IN

2009-03-06T08:25:00.002+11:00

Weighed in today 117.4kg(258.2lbs)with a loss of 2.4kg(5.28lbs).

Just shows what you can do when you do the right thing.

Things I did well with this week were:-

1.Eating within my 1200 calories

2.Staying away from the evil Caramel Tarts for 6 out of 7 days,even when I would have given my left arm for one.

3.Making a consistant effort to maintain a positive attitude and using the "fake it till you make it" strategdy

4.Having more wins with my mind over what I shoved into my mouth.

5. Being kinder to myself

Things I need to improve on

1. Exercise - did not get to the gym as planned. Work has been hectic and having to stay late, by the time I get home and cook I just am too tired to go. Yes an excuse, need to just make myself go.

2. Meal planning could do with some work, particulary dinner,this would also help with getting to the gym as well.

So, that my wrap up for the week, all in all I'm pleased with how I handled situations over the week having some wins and acheiving some small goals I set for myself, so overall a good week.

WEEKEND OVER

2009-03-02T07:54:00.004+11:00

Spent the weekend hard at work around the house.

We have a council clean up this week so was madly pruning shrubs (my mother calls it raping them as I'm not much of a gardener!!! lol),cleaning up garden beds etc.

Plenty of raking,bending and sweat provoking work,boy you sure know what muscles you don't normally use the next day.Also, fighting with the bloody dog,who wants to drag everything off the pile I so neatly put, then cock his leg and pee on every pile I had raked up. Lucky for him I love him so much!!!

Food wise this weekend has been good, the scales are coming down so am hoping for a good loss this week.

GETTING A GRIP

2009-02-28T15:56:00.003+11:00

I've given myself a couple of good hard bitch slaps in the attempt to knock some sense into my thick head.

I'm referring to my eating and attitude over the past week. I think I've finally realised I fall into a screaming heap trying to juggle full time work, a home and family while not feeling well. As soon as I start to feel unwell I medicate myself with food. I suppose I have really known this for a while, but the severity of it has hit home this week.

I have treated food as a friend and confidante,something to give me a quick fix of positive reinforcement when times are a bit tough when I feel I need something special to pick me back up again. I know I'm not alone in this , I think there are a lot of overweight people who experience the same thing. Finding a way to get out of the rut is the hardest.

ChrisH spoke of the lack of motivation on her blog last week, and I think I responded something like "if we all knew what the magic key was to motivation we would all make a fortune". If we follow the text books,goal setting is one thing that can help turn the tide. I've never been one to do this sort of this,as I want it now and not down the track.This is probably why I fail at a lot of things.

I've decided I'm going to give it a go,it's going to be basic to begin with and follow the golden rules of goal setting being

1. Have an Ultimate Long Term Goal

2. Have several mini goals to help with the motivation along the way

3. Make sure the goals are achievable.

I will put them in my side bar and add to them as I see the need.

Today has been a much better day and I already start to feel more in control of things.The band is still giving me good restriction - I now have to be extra careful with what I eat. Thick bread and rice are a definite no-no and some meats like pork are hard to swallow.My stomach get really sore now which is really a good thing as I know know when to stop shovelling the food in.

I'm keeping a food diary now and counting the calories again - 1200, I've also scheduled Mondays,Wednesdays,Fridays and Saturdays as gym days, this is something I really want to get into now. Watching The Biggest Loser again has brought home again I can do this.

I can do this - I CAN DO THIS!!

MAD COW SYNDROME

2009-02-26T13:10:00.003+11:00

Have not been having a good week.

I've been suffering from "Can't be arsed syndrome" and "Eyes are WAY to big for my new stomach size syndrome"

Today I stupidly caved in and ordered chinese takeaway - Sweet and Sour Pork - my favourite. 3 mouthfuls in KAPOW! bad pain in my sternan and left shoulder,had to bring it all back up. I think it was the boiled rice, so I ended giving it to one of my colleagues who had been drooling over it.

The last 3 days I've indulged in my old favourites - The evil Caramel Tarts. I have had the worst cravings for these littler suckers and have caved in on all three occasions. Mercifully today my usual source wont be going out, so I cannot ask her to get me one.

I'm feeling really disappointed with myself with all the 2 weeks on and then off the diet merry go round.It is really soul destroying when it takes me 1 week to put on all the weight I have lost the previous week.

Thank god for the band because in my frame of mind at the moment at least it STOPS me big time in the quantity department. It is only my own stupidity that's stuffing up in the quality department.

Why do we this? I mean the self sabotaging. Some will say it's the quick fix reward.Is my life so sucky I need to do this to myself. I mean hey,I've got my problems like everyone, but really I have a lot of things I am grateful for.I know at the moment I'm a bit stressed out over a few things, so maybe it's my knee jerk reaction to that.

On other issues, I bought a new set of scales - Tanita - cost me a fortune but great scales.Tells me my weight,% body fat,hydration levels,bone mass,muscle mass,how many calories I need to maintain my current weight (2000 cals)and BMR age.

Got some interesting stats,my BMR age is 50 which considering my weight is not bad at all as I'm currently 47. 48% fat(I expected more) and I have a significant amount of muscle mass, oh and I'm dehydrated(ok I knew that one).The downside is they weigh 2kg heavier than my previous scales,but I'll get used to that.

Anyway, all I can do is keep on keeping on and try,try and try!

6TH 0F THE 6TH

2009-02-21T16:43:00.004+11:00

Cactus has tagged me for the following.

Here are the rules of the challenge:

Go to your photo folder in your computer.
Go to the 6th folder of the photos.
Go to the sixth picture.[no cheating!]
Put the picture on your blog with a description. Invite six friends to join the challenge.Link them in your blog and let them know they have been challenged.
Here is my 6th picture from the sixth folder :o)

This is one of those chance photos. My daughter who was about 2 at the time was going around measuring everything with Granddad's tape measure. As she passed by her grandfather , she thought she'd do him a favour and measure his butt, he was totally clueless, it was very funny indeed!!!

I'm not tagging anyone, if you wish to partake please do so.

WEIGH IN

2009-02-20T07:42:00.003+11:00

Today's weight is (drum roll please) 115.4kg.

That's a loss of 1.2kg(2.6lbs) for the week. My BMI is now out of the Morbidly Obese category - WOOHOO!

You know what though, I am a bit disappointed in that number,I mean considering that I've been eating sparrow rations since Monday and also taking into account what Iv'e lost in the loo I was expecting a bigger number.

Maybe it's the unrealistic expectations I always give myself that I'm disappointed but anyway - onwards.

Tomorrow I'm going to look for a new set of scales, the whizz bang ones that show body fat,water etc etc. Maybe I can get one that says - YOUR ARSE IS NOW 5 PICK AXE'S WIDE!!!! LOL!

TIGHTER THAN A..........

2009-02-18T18:47:00.003+11:00

Feeling better today, woke up minus the migraine thank goodness.

Still sore in the stomach,but I'm not complaining because while it's sore it also means I have super-duper restriction with my band.

My band is tighter than a fish's arse at the moment and I'm loving every minute of it.

I was completely satisfied till lunchtime with 1 boiled egg and half a piece of toast for breakfast.Lunch was 4 crackers with a small can of WW baked beans.Dinner was 1 BBQ chicken wing,1/4 cup caesar salad and a few chips(Yes I could have forgone the chips) all totally 950 calories for the day.

This is how it's supposed to be, so I'm hoping this restriction will last much longer than the first one.

Now to get back into the exercise.My restart to the gym fell by the wayside since my colitis returned last week, so will have to get back into it. I'm sure I will experience much better weight loss once I start and be consistent with the exercise.

Today I got approached at work if I'd be interested in taking on a more National role. The subject of all my health issues came up naturally as I have had a heap of time off last year with one thing and another.They asked me was I planning anymore health related absences. OMG, like someone plans for that sort of thing,I suppose they have to ask.

Anyway the crux of it is I have accepted the position as of today and first job to to employ someone to take over the weekly wages which I do.I'll still be overseeing the payroll but most of my emphasis will be on credit risk analysis on a National basis.

I'm looking forward to the challenge only problem is I hope they give me the required resources to do it effectively.

There's no point climbing Mt Everest if they only give you a pair of thongs(flip flops) to do it in!!!!

JINXED

2009-02-17T18:29:00.004+11:00

Seems I've jinxed myself again, after telling my Immunologist last week I have been feeling great health wise, I get a flare up with my Ulcerative Colitis.

Since Friday I have had two major attacks with bleeding involved (which I've never had before). So now it will mean a trip to the bum doctor and probably a colonosopy again - FUCK! I am so over this!

Had my second fill yesterday which was an experience I don't wish to repeat again.

The fill itself went OK it's just I had a colitis attack 30 mins before my appointment and was glued to the loo in agony. I had another 1.5mls put in the band taking me up to 6mls in a 12mls band. It is quite tight, it almost feels as tight as it was post operative.

To add to my woes, this morning I woke up with a thumper of a migraine. My whole day has been spent trying not to spew. I had a couple of chucks this morning which produced zilch, but I felt better for them even though my stomach is sore.sore sore.

I hope my head is better tomorrow as I have to go in and do the wages, I can work with the stomach pains but cannot handle it when my head is pounding.

Once again - I am so over being sick, I just want to have e good stretch where my health is good.

WEIGH IN

2009-02-13T07:41:00.004+11:00

Thought I had better start the traditional weigh in day, so from now on Friday will be the day.

I suppose like most dieters I'm giving myself time to recover from any weekend discretions I may have.

Anyhow, todays weight is 116.6kg.

So a loss of 1.8kg as from my last recorded weigh in January. Actually I have lost 3.9kg this week as I had gained from the January weight so I'm really happy with the effort I have put in.

And yes it has been a challenge as my band restriction is somewhat lacking again so am looking forward to my fill on Monday.

This little girl was saved by this volunteer firefighter in the Victorian bushfire disaster she had severe burns to her paws and is now being cared for by wildlife volunteers. Thank god for these kind compassionate people who help all animals in need.

Have a great weekend everyone and be kind to your selves.

PIG IN SHIT

2009-02-10T20:34:00.007+11:00

Ok, thanks to Cactus I can now link things ,so you can link my progress page HERE.

Woohoo it works!!!

Today I went back to me nutritionist and Immunologist for follow up visits. I had lost another 3 kgs since I saw them last, the biggest thing that I got a buzz out of was I have lost 10cm from my waist measurement since I started. That little piece of information was a great motivational shot for me.

The nutritionist agreed with me that I need another fill so I'm booked in again next Monday.He assures me once they get the fills right I'll stop feeling so damn hungry and start losing the weight more consistently.

My immunologist was also impressed with my weight loss to date and said when I lose another 10 kg's he going to start reducing my cortisone dose which will be great if we can as that is one of the main contributors to the weight gain side of things.So I have 3 months until my next visit so I think 10kg's in that time frame is achievable.

WHERETHEFUCKARWE!

2009-02-07T21:16:00.001+11:00

UPDATE: The progress page is a new blog that can be accessed on my profile page, I'm such a techno wiz - NOT! and don't know how to link to thing.

IF ANYONE CAN HEKP IT WILL BE MUCH APPRECIATED!

PROGRESS PAGE

2009-02-07T15:18:00.005+11:00

Previously I've been slack with taking photos and measurements so I don't really have that many but will start doing them noe every 10 kgs. I think they are a great motivator especially to look back onto when times are a bit tough.

ps I'd appreciate someone telling me how to link URL's in posts.

IT''S GOING TO BE ONE OF THOSE DAYS

2009-02-05T08:24:00.001+11:00

LETTER OF REPLY

2009-02-02T20:22:00.003+11:00

Dear Digestive System

I have sat here for hours trying to construct a worthy defence of my actions, but alas I am lost for anything credible that was not a big fat pack of excuses.

I seem to enjoy pushing the envelope in what I can eat, I mean in regards to the foods they say lapbanders can't eat like bread,red meat etc etc. I just seem to enjoy being able to say, "Yes, I bloody well can eat those things - see"!

It's the defiant Celtic Girl coming out, you know the one who likes to prove people wrong. Maybe I need everyone to tell me I won't ever lose my weight - a bit of good old reverse psychology may do the trick.

I have thought about it long and hard and I think it comes back to feelings of deprivation that food restriction brings.

Maybe it's my impatience causing all the grief, I always was someone who wants the quick fixes. Patience is not one of my virtues.

I am also "scared shit less" as we say here. I'm scared I really wont lose the weight and I will fail. I only told a few people about this but I feel there expectations overwhelming me. I know they are only being nice, but I hate it every time they ask me "How much weight have you lost now?"
I swear sometimes there is a look of "I told you so" in their eyes when I say "nothing this week".

Lapband and I are still in our honeymoon period, I must admit being a little disappointed she is not having the desired effect on my appetite.The first 3 weeks were bliss, I could have my half cup of liquid/food and not even think about my next meal, but unfortunately that was short lived.

I've booked in a another fill in two weeks, so hopefully I'll get closer to the green zone I'm supposed to be in.

Since your letter I have made some effort, I have steered clear of the high fat foods and limited myself to 1200 cal a day. I have even started back at the gym,if you check with Heart and Lungs they will collaborate my story.

I have further work to do, I need to cut out the carbs again but am having difficulty as they are my comfort foods at the moment. I mean to say when you have a choice of a piece of hot buttered raisin toast and a boiled egg, what are you going to choose really?

As for killing Gallbaldder well her demise was a by product of losing too much weight too fast, even the Dr said that so I cannot be held totally responsible for that one.

I can assure you Brain was not ignoring Vagus,it was simply a case of "take a message and I'll get back to you shortly"

In closing, all I can plead is that I'm trying I really am, your letter and my reply has really made me think - it's been good therapy.

I'm sure we will have more trials and tribulations to get through before things are fine tuned, but always be assured I'm on your side

forever yours

Celtic Girl

PS please do not follow through with your threat involving Rectum, getting her to shut up shop will only cause the buildup to come out of my other end. I suffer enough from verbal diarrhoea as it is.

PPS I did not eat a three piece feed from KFC

LETTER FROM YOUR FRIENDS

2009-01-30T18:37:00.005+11:00

Dear Celtic Girl

We your digestive system have tried to let you know how we are feeling, but you have constantly ignored our symptoms.

We are now resorted to write to you directly in an attempt to bring you to your senses.

Every time you overeat that niggly pain you get over your liver is a result of too much pressure in your new stomach pouch. For pete's sake girl, your new pouch is only big emough for 1/2 cup of chewed food. Half a cup of chewed food is NOT a 3 piece feed from KFC or a 300g T bone steak with sides.

Vagus Nerve in your stomach has tried to repeatedly communicate with your brain to tell you Stomach is stretched to capacity and you should stop eating. Alas,this has all been in vain, Vagus has even been reported as saying your brain was ignoring her, we hope that is not the case.

Those crampy pains coming from your small and large bowel are a result of the excess fat you are consuming in your diet.

Since you murdered our friend Gallbladder, you no longer have a place to store your bile, so all of us have to get a customed to that change, now when you eat high fat foods it throws us all in a spin and that's why you feel like the French have moved their nuclear testing from the Pacific to your colon.

You have been through a lot since you introduced Lapband as a new member of the family. We have come to accept her as one of our own even though she is not our own flesh and blood - why can't you do the same?

We have all discussed this and have decided if you do not start being sensible about your eating we will commence a class action challenge against you.

We have already discussed this with Rectum and she has agreed to shut up shop so to speak. Can you imagine what havoc that will do - the mind boggles.

We are sorry we have had to resort to this but desperate times deserve desperate actions.

We await your response

Your Digestive System

WEIGH IN AND FILL UPDATE

2009-01-26T15:26:00.003+11:00

Weighed in this morning at 118.4kg which is a loss of 1.2kg for the week.

The restriction from my fill last week was not what I expected. Although it has cut back the quantity of food I'm able to eat, it has not stopped me thinking about food all time.

According to the lapband bible, its supposed to provide a level of satiety where you don't even think about food.

My answer to that is BOLLOCKS!!!! lol!

Ok, I know this is my first fill and the tweaking takes some time.

I'm constanting thinking what delicacy I can have next, suppose this is proof I have not eaten out of sheer hunger in the past but am a taste eater, savouring the flavours and textures good food brings.

For anyone that thinks a Lapband or WLS is the easy way out it's not I can assure you. You still have to have the motivation and do the hard yards to make it work. It has not miraculously turned my taste buds off all the high fat/high sugar crap I used eat and still crave.

Having said that I'm not sorry for having the procedure, just learning things along the way. Apart from the cravings the other big hurdle I have is my perception of what I can eat now compared to what I ate - quantity wise.

For example a pre Lapband lunch would be a sandwich made from turkish bread 4 inches thick with filling,a tub of yoghurt and a can of pepsi.

The reality now is I couldn't manage half of the sandwich let alone anything else, but I still have this perception it is not enough. I tend to overfill my plate and when I'm full I stop eating, then go back to it and pick it till it's all gone and I feel uncomfortable.

I think my combat strategy will have to be once I've had enough get up straight away and throw out the leftovers so I don't pick.

I have had a few minor problems with reflux since the fill, though it has only happened when I had some extra fat, like butter on my toast or after 2 squares of chocolate, so in one way it's good I have reacted that way as it will make me think twice about having the naughty stuff.

Today is Australia Day - my daughter and I went to see the movie Australia at the movies but alas it was booked out - I was disappointed, so we had to settle for Twilight. My daughter is a huge fan and has read all the books, this was her third time.The movie was good it kept me entertained, I might even start reading the books myself once I get through my Xmas pressie's. I'm about to start the Dawn French bio -Dear Fatty which I'm looking forward to.

Any way that all for today tomorrow is work again - YUK!!

FIRST FILL - COMPLETE !

2009-01-20T21:36:00.002+11:00

I spend most of the morning sulking with the thought of having to travel into town and have my first fill done in the Radiology Dept.

I rang them in the morning to reconfirm my appointment and make sure I did not have to do any special preparation. I was then told I would need to pay at the time of treatment and nearly fell off my chair when she said it will be $300.00 - FARKING HELL!

I was in complete shock and said is that The price for every fill - yes came the reply, so I am trying to calculate just how many of these things I would need and nearly had a coronary in the process.

The procedure in general went well, I was taken into the room and they put me under the machine to see where my port was. The I met the lovely Dr who explained everything in detail,after a local anaesthetic in my belly (which did not sting by the way)he put the needle straight in (no pain or discomfort) and put in the 4 mls my surgeon ordered.

I then had to swallow the clear dye that tastes like a mixture of camel piss and yaks droppings to see what the restriction was like,which turned out to be too loose.
So he put in another ml taking it up to 5ml, had another swallow, this time too much, as I was refluxing it back up my oesophagus.

So he tries 4.5ml, had another swallow and BINGO - Bobs your uncle.

He then told me to go down stairs to the cafe, have something solid to eat and if I had any trouble to come straight back, suffice to say my fruit salad was enjoyable and went down well.

So now I am the converted and think it was a very good $300.00 spent, because if it had of been done in the surgery by the surgeon without the X Ray machine I would probably have gone home without the required restriction or having to up chuck everything until I got it sorted.

I'm all for doing things once and not ten times, so all in all I'm happy with the outcome.

The restriction is great again, I had 1 salmon rissole with a extremely small salad and about 5 potato wedges (made with a spray of oil) and fitting nicely on a bread and butter plate.

So I'm back in the game

One thing the Dr told me never, never to do is try to bring up any food (PBing) he said it weakens the oesophagus and has seen many cases where people have split their oesophagus's and died or nearly died, pretty scary I must admit.

I am all enthused again and rearing to go - WHOOPIEEEEEE!!!

FIRST FILL TOMORROW

2009-01-19T19:44:00.002+11:00

Had my post op (gallbladder) visit with the surgeon today who also did the gastric banding. Everything is going well, no cancer in my gallbladder (not that we thought that) just inflammation.

The incision in my belly button has not closed up,it's been like it for over a week now. I haven't mentioned it to anyone as I was quietly waiting(holding my breath) until I saw the surgeon, in case I had to go in again and have it closed surgically.

It's about 2cm wide and 6-7 cm deep,lucky for me it just involves the fascia (blubber).I have been flushing it out with normal saline, then packing it with gauze strips soaked in saline, as was the treatment back in the middle ages when I was nursing.

Anyone watching me would think they are watching a comedy act, standing in the bath in the buff, squirting a syringe in my navel, then running back to my room to start the dressing, semi lying on the bed trying to look over Twin Peaks and Mt Everest to see my navel,so I can stuff in the gauze, quite a sight I'm sure.

Anyway I must be doing something right as he complimented me on my work and said the wound was nice and clean and keep doing what I have been doing - amen!

I was pleased and relieved I had lost 3 kg's since my last visit as I was worried I would show a gain. I am though 1 kg down from my last home weight of last week.

I had to laugh as he asked me was I able to eat solid food like scrambled eggs!! I mean scrambled eggs were done and dusted beginning of week 3, I said yes with a smirk, then he asked me could I manage a sausage again I said yes, then he asked me what is the hardest food you can eat, I think he nearly fell off his chair when I said I can eat just about everything, even steak!!!

Yes, old cast iron guts strikes again!!!

I don't think I have seen anyone get his referral pad out as quick as he did to write me a referral for my first fill - very funny!

So I'm booked in tomorrow to have 4ml put in a 12.5 ml band, I am a bit disappointed that I gave to go elsewhere for the fills.They are done in the XRay Dept as they are done under Fluoroscope,then I have a Barium Swallow to check there are no leaks.

It's just a pain in the arse as I have to make a separate appointment and make another 1 1/2 hour trip to the city, not to mention the fact it will be additional cost as this mob charge like wounded bulls, no bulk billing here.

One good thing re the cost of all of this is I was not charged anything for my gallbladder surgery, they put it through as a "No Gap" procedure to my health insurance, so was relieved I didn't have to cough up another $2K.

Any way better go and psyche myself up for tomorrow, I must admit though I am looking forward to having some restriction again and losing some more blubber - wish me luck!!

STUPID COW

2009-01-11T14:17:00.004+11:00

Time to fess up.

I have been playing food Russian Roulette trying all my old favourites seeing which ones I can tolerate and which ones I cant.

Fortunately most of the naughty ones I cannot tolerate,anything high in fat gives me bad stomach cramps and diarrhoea real bad.This I think is a result of my gallbladder surgery.

I am overdue for my first fill, as I'm getting hungrier by the day and feel I want to snack between meals. I see the Dr next Monday so I hope he gives the A'OK for my first fill.

Consequently I have gained some weight due to my "stupid cow" behaviour - 2.6kgs to be exact. I can tell you emphatically now I will be working hard to rectify and modify my "Stupid Cow" behaviour. I didn't go through all this shit to go back to how it was before.

So it's back to logging my food and sticking to 1200 calories - again.

If at first you don't succeed, give yourself a kick in the arse and start again!

PROGRESS PHOTOS

2009-01-06T19:05:00.005+11:00

Well here they are the long awaited progress photos. I was unable to find the one I wanted so had to settle for one of me sitting down ready to stuff my face at a wedding. I would of weighed between 135 - 141 kg(297- 310lbs)

The second lot were taken last Sunday, weighing 118kg (260lbs) I can notice a big difference in the face.

FEELING MUCH BETTER

2009-01-04T14:52:00.002+11:00

With the exception of one day last week, I have been feeling much better each day.

Still not able to do to much for an extended period, but at least no more pains. I discovered the hard way I can't tolerate too much fat. After having some fruit cheese last week I developed pretty bad stomach cramps and diarrhoea - noice!

I'm supposed to return work tomorrow - yuk! Really don't feel up to it but I think I'll have to make the effort as it's been 6 weeks since I was there (Gawd, where has the time gone)

On the lap band front, things are going down well - to well in fact, so I think I will be due for a fill soon. I can eat well over the 1/2 cup of food your supposed to eat and have also started to feel hungrier now I'm feeling better. Tonight I have a nice piece of salmon I will bake in foil with some coriander and lemon juice.

True to my "cast iron guts" reputation I am having no problems with any foods, I can eat red meat and bread without it getting stuck, even rice is ok providing it is wet with some sauce through it.

Today I have started logging my food on the Calorie King site aiming for 1000-1200 cals a day which is what is recommended. I am also going to steer clear of red meat for a while maybe have it once a week instead of 3-4 times a week.

On Thursday I had a bit of retail therapy and bought myself a pair of size 18 pants and a size 20 top - pretty chuffed at that as I was previously a 24-26 - WOOHOO!!!

I had some photos taken today and as soon as I can find some pre-weight loss ones I will post them, I can see a huge difference particularly in the face.

It's onwards and downwards(weight wise) from here folks - I'm thrilled!!!!

BACK AGAIN

2008-12-30T18:38:00.003+11:00

I thought it was time to drag my sorry arse off the couch and start doing "normal"things again.

I have been a little scared to talk about my ordeals over the past few weeks, it's been a bloody nightmare and I have had a few occasions where I have regretted starting this whole process (This is the first time I have publicly stated this).

Things now seem (I'm crossing everything as I'm typing this} to be settling down. My pain has almost gone,my stomach doesn't feel like it's gong to burst with the slightest bit of food in it. The only thing that is lingering is the fatigue and extreme lack of strength I have. My legs are so weak I struggle to get off the loo or out of a low chair and the slightest effort like having a shower makes me collapse on the lounge for a couple of hours.

At least the pain is much improved and I am not popping the Oxycontin's like before.

I was septicaemic (origin unknown) while having pancreatitis caused by the sludge(gravelly mud) in my gallbladder.It was one of those things I suppose, just darn unlucky. I also got a blood clot in my leg whilst in there which they treated with some injections and if all that was not enough to have to deal with, I had my purse and mobile phone stolen from my bed locker whilst I was having an Ultrasound.

I think that was my lowest, when I had my things stolen, such a low act at the best of times but Even worse when people are vulnerable, I hope the scum bags choked on whatever they bought with the money.

Weight wise, I have lost a few kilos, my Dr told me I wouldn't lose that much as the body shuts down it's metabolism in times of severe stress. To be honest I don't really give a flying fuck at the moment, I just want to feel well again.

Thanks for all your concern and I hope to start posting some positive things for a change.

Have a Happy New Year and I hope 2009 brings health and happiness for us all!

coming to you live...

2008-12-22T21:32:00.002+11:00

hey there,
this is Celtic_girl's correspondant blogging here in place of my mother, giving her readers a heads up on what's been happening with her health.

Mother Dearest still has been suffering from the pains in her abdominal area and she was admitted to hospital once again last Saturday to be put on an IV drip because her body wasn't responding to the other antibiotics that were being given to her. This stay was only destined for 5 days. Now over a week later, Mother Dearest has been through her ups and downs and is still in hospital. After dozens of tests and scans, it has now been discovered that she has gall stones, and tomorrow (Tuesday) she is going to have an operation to remove her gall bladder. She was also diagnosed with mild pancreatitis.
Hopefully, after this new operation, Mum will be healthy, wealthy and wise and ready to come back to lead a life with less complications in the future (fingers crossed everybody!)
She has told me to post these updates here and to tell all of you that she misses all of her blogging buddies as well :D

Until next time,
Celtic_Girl's Offspring.

THE SAGA CONTINUES

2008-12-12T10:47:00.002+11:00

I made a mercy call to my surgeon on Tuesday and got an appointment the next day.

He booked me in for an urgent gastroscope that afternoon, as he expected (and so did I) it all came back normal. I again asked him could this all be part of my Auto-Immune Disease which he said was looking more like it could be as he "was stumped" as to why I was having so much pain. He contacted my Immunologist, gave me a wad of blood tests to have and a appointment the next day with my Immunologist.

To cut a long story short, it seems I have some damn infection somewhere, though they suspect it is in the kidneys and now I have another hospital admission for IV antibiotic therapy for about 5 days this time. To make matter worse there is a bed shortage and I have been on the short list for two days now, if I don't hear anything today it will be definitely Saturday. I was given some oral antibiotics which cost me $85.00 (expensive for here)and told if I developed the chills and severe headaches to get my self to the Emergency Dept pronto.

This whole experience has been a bloody nightmare I can tell you with events spiralling out of control. I was quite scared I would have to have the lapband removed at one stage. I asked my surgeon can the body reject the band, he said he never has heard of anyone having this but said there was always a first time for everything(heartening I can tell you)

I don't think though the infection has anything to do with the band it's just one of those things that happen. The question though I want answered the most is why wasn't infection considered when I was admitted two weeks ago with this problem,surely my blood tests were abnormal. The test I mentioned last time where I had a result of 80(normal is 7-11) is now 100, you would of thought that would have sparked some thought.

Anyway these are all things which will have to wait as all I'm concerned about right now is to start feeling better after a nightmare 3 weeks.

WILL IT EVER END

2008-12-08T11:26:00.003+11:00

Still not well. I planned to go back to work today for 4 hours but my stomach pains were just too bad this morning.

They haven't really let up from when I was discharged last week,so am a bit worried as to why they are not settling down. I don't have an appointment with the Dr again until next Monday, so don't know how long I will be able to hold out as when they are bad they are horrible.

Not really eating much as when I eat the pains return, my weight this morning was 119.6kg which is a loss of 2.4kg (5.28lbs), I think my body is starting to think it's in starvation mode so the metabolism has slowed down as I would have expected a greater loss considering I'm not eating much.

To be frank, at the moment I don't give a hoot about the weight at the moment, I just want to be pain free.

Thanks for all your king words of support and I hope next time I have better news!

HOSPITAL - AGAIN

2008-12-03T09:55:00.003+11:00

In my last post I mentioned I was having some bad days and not feeling very well.

Friday morning I woke to another crappy day, I had abdominal pain which progressed over the next 12 hours to being excruciating. Nothing seemed to help, I was popping Mersyndol Fortes AND Tramadol without any relief. My stomach was bloated and sore. I was scared it had something to do with the lapband.

I suffered all Friday night and finally rang up the Dr and he told me to come straight the the Emergency Dept. We got there at 9.00am, was seen by the Emergency Dr, bloods were taken and I was given some much needed Morhpine which took 3 shots until my pain was under control.

I had some X-Rays, then a CT Scan, by this time my Dr came and saw me and he told me everything was OK as far as the band was concerned (thank goodness for that) and the source of my pain was due to an acute attack of pancreatitis.

He said it was a mild attack (FARK! I'd hate to have a major attack) and I was admitted once again on drip, I came home late yesterday still on pain killers and a little worse for wear. It has nothing to do with my lapband, and probably more to do with my auto-immune problem.

One of my inflammatory markers was tested at 80!! Normal is 7-11 and when I was in hospital 3 months ago it was 45, so an all time high for me. Just my luck hey.

This has put me back quite a lot in my recovery, so probably wont be returning to work next week as planned, am not eating very much as when I eat I get the pains again and my stomach bloats and I feel really uncomfortable. Funny enough the scales have not moved much, and all I can put it down to is all the IV fluids they put into me, any way weight loss should be the farthest thing from my mind at the moment.

I hope you all are well, sorry I havn't visited your blogs, I find it uncomfortable sitting on the computer for to long.

UPDATE AND WEIGH IN

2008-11-28T15:42:00.004+11:00

Have had a mixed week, one day I feel fine and the next I feel like crap and can hardly drag myself around.

I thought at first it may be because I haven't been taking in enough calories, so I made myself some chicken and vege soup and blended the crap out of it so it was liquid enough to go up a straw. I felt better the next day, but today feel so weak and achy.

Every time I drink something I get these cramps in my belly, not from the band but from my colon, so maybe my colitis has flared up again.

I took all my dressings off and all are OK except for the one on my left which has not joined together. It is a small incision and only opened superficially so will just keep an eye on it.

As you can see my stomach is rather bruised and it is still sore but getting better everyday.

I weighed myself this morning for a loss of 5kg(11 lbs)for the week, so all is going well on that front. I'm still not hungry just miss the taste of different foods.

Monday I see the nutritionist so I hope he says I can progress to mushy foods, I'm hanging out for some mashed potatoes!!!

THE POST MORTEM

2008-11-24T12:46:00.003+11:00

Day 1 - Arrived at the hospital - St Vincent's Private at 6.30am and taken to the Day Surgery Unit where they get you ready for theatre. Hubby was able to come here and wait with me until I was summoned. As I was leaving they put this big blue nylon sheet on the end of the trolley,I asked if it was a body bag (yes, I still had my sense of humour!!) I was to find out later it was a Hover Mat used to lift me off the bed. They inflate it and two people can easily move a hefierlump like me.ha!

I was put in the Anaesthetic Room,so have no memory of anything after that. all I remember is being told I was being given a relaxant and my surgeon would come in and talk to me prior to surgery and I probably wouldn't remember anything, they were right I didn't.

Next it's 10.30am and I'm in recovery and told all went well. Taken back to my room (not ICU)where hubby is waiting and given some much needed drugs, the pain was quite bad, all on my left side. After a couple of hours I was taken down to XRay where they did a Barium Swallow to make sure the band was in it's correct position and not leaking, thankfully all was ok.

I am given some apple juice to have which was divine,but I'm unable to drink it all.At dinner I'm given a small bowl of clear broth and some jelly. I ask the nurses three times if I'm supposed to have the jelly but they say it's all right,so I have it and try to liquefy it as much as possible in my mouth before swallowing. At about 8.00 pm I'm told I'm in a cardiac ward and need to be moved down the the Bariatric Ward (thankfully to a private room).

I had a dreadful night with pain all down my left side, had about three hours of sleep, even the morphine did not give me much relief.

Day 2 - My surgeon came in and gave me a printout of my diet for the next few weeks, clearly written in big print is a unsuitable foods lists which jelly is on the top of the list. When I tell him I got given jelly not once but twice, he hit the roof (not at me).This happened because I was sent ot another ward because there was not a bed available for me probably because I was originally booked into ICU post op.

My meals are now consisting of 2 bowls of broth (tastes like and looks like washing water) and some diet cordial. I am only allowed to drink 50mls every 20 minutes. I must say I was struggling to do that and still am.

Day 3 - Discharged late morning with half the Pharmacy to take home with me. Feeling very bloated and sore.Everythime I drink my 50mls it feels like it's sitting in my throat as well as a big lump in my sternum which radiates to my back.

Day 4 - Today, Had a reasonable sleep, still feeling sore and still have the uncomfortable feeling when I drink. I had a shake for breakfast which takes me over 1 hour to drink,some Bonox for lunch a well as sipping water throughout the day.

I must admit I have absolutely no interest in food at the moment, actually it's a turn off for me to see any. I'm feeling a little better since I was able to do No 2's(sorry for the details) as I was feeling very bloated.

So that's it for the moment, I have to stick to 50mls of allowable liquids, I'm disappointed I'm not allowed any soups, only clear broths for 2 whole weeks, which is not worrying me at the moment, but may do as I start to fell better. Anyways it's a small price to pay. One of the nurses told me in the hospital they know of patients who have pureed McDonalds - OMG! I can't understand why anyone would want to do that to themselves after going through it all - such a waste.

So now it's just a waiting game, taking it easy and allowing myself to heal, I've resisted the urge to jump on the scales - I'm going to leave it till Friday once the week is up.

So until next time bye for now!

HOME

2008-11-23T15:52:00.002+11:00

I came home today, it seems like Iv'e been away for a week and not just two days.

Everthing went well, I am still very sore and am having some trouble with drinking all the required fluids.

I will give you all a more detailed post mortem tomorrow after a good nights sleep as I hardly slept while in the hospital and feel pretty crappy in that regard.

Cactus,no bloody icecream but I have a story about some jelly.

Wanna, will email you later on.

I'll be back soon and show my war wounds. Bye for now.

A QUICK ONE

2008-11-20T20:59:00.003+11:00

Heard from the hospital have to be there by 6.30am - FARK!

That means getting up at 4am to leave by 5am as the hospital is right in the city and about an 1 1/2 drive from our house.

I'm first on the list at 7am!!!!

So pleased with that as I'm not waiting around.

Just had my shower with the medicated wash and I have to have another one tomorrow morning before I leave.

I feel like an expectant first time mother - a bit scared of the unknown but excited for the result.

Better go and finish packing my bag - CIAO!

WAITING......

2008-11-19T07:54:00.002+11:00

Just waiting now,counting down the days, I suppose like me, you all will be glad when it will be over and I stop talking about it.

Work is keeping me busy, as usual I've been working 10 - 12 hour days just to make sure all the loose ends are done. It will be the same when I get back trying to catch up and do everything before the Xmas holidays. One thing is certain I am coming back to work when I feel well enough to, not earlier like I always do.In the long run I don't really get any thanks for it and I want to keep to the promise I made myself back in July that I was going to put myself first from now on.

I will know tomorrow what time I need to be at the hospital, I think I will be done in the afternoon, I hope it is early afternoon so I'm not hanging around.

Trying to stay on the Optifast for two meals a day,it's hard, I am so over the sweet tastes,a good old peanut butter or vegemite sandwich would go down a treat. It's a small price to pay though so I using that to get me through.

Anyways, if I don't get a chance to post again before I go in, I'll catch you on the flipside.

5 DAYS AND COUNTING!!

2008-11-15T20:10:00.001+11:00

Note to self, "do not type in a darkened room" - left the O out of counting and nearly had a seizure!!

The old countdown timer is getting lower folks,and I'm excited!!

Today I had a big spring clean knowing I will be out of action for the next few weeks, thank goodness Xmas is not here this year as I'd be stressing out over that. Made a few purchases from the supermarket like V8 juice and Up and Go's(liquid breakfast).

Caved in and bought some new pyjama's from Target as I only had the nice floral "heifer nighties" as I call them and I certainly didn't want to be seen dead in them. Got some really cute 3/4 leg pants and tops to match, better still they were 20% off.

I'm looking forward to fitting into my summer clothes from last year as I have gained 13kg since this time last year and feel in in my clothes. I've been flogging about 5 outfits since the weather has warmed up so it will be good to have a change I can tell you.

I've had to stop some of my medication like the anti-inflammatory's as advised by the anaesthetist as they can increase the chances of a bleeding more. I'm a bit worried as I rely heavily on them to just be mobile, so will have to just see how I go.

Anyway one more day gone and only 4 more working days - OMG!

WHAT THE (INSERT EXPLETIVE HERE)

2008-11-13T07:33:00.003+11:00

Had my pre-admission appointment with the hospital yesterday.

After attending to some paperwork, I was taken to see a pre-admission nurse where she went through my history and explained what I can expect when I come in for the operation. She took my blood pressure, weighed me and measured me up for those beautiful and classy white stockings they use now to stop any clots forming in your legs. I got some medicated wash to use the night before and the day of the surgery to "de germ" me before I go into theatre(When I got home I showed hubby the tube and told him it was an enema which HE would have to administer - you should of seen his face it was PRICELESS!!

After all that I went in to see the anaesthetist,after he read the letter with the details on my previous op, he assured me he would still be able to go ahead with the operation, it just meant he would need some extra equipment on hand if there was a problem. The problem last time was they had trouble ventilating me due to not been able to put a breathing tube down my windpipe, due to 1. my obesity, 2.limited neck extension due to arthritis and 3.a small mouth opening due to surgery I had on my jaw 18 odd years ago. Apparently the other Doctor recommended I be intubated while awake, using a camera to sight my vocal chords which scared the crapper out of me as it would be extremely uncomfortable not to mention add to my stress. Anyway all is good as he assured me I would be knocked out if he had to do it that way, so a relief I can tell you.

The other thing that knocked me for a six, was I was told I will be in ICU (Intensive Care) after the surgery for 24 hours. What the F@#k for I don't know, it's not like I'm having open heart surgery or brain surgery.Seems they consider me high risk which I think is just ridiculous,just another way to get some more money ( ($1200.00 a day - Dr's expense only)I told the Dr I would prefer not to go and could he leave the decision till after the op and see how I am.

So all it still a go for next week, my countdown timer now says 7 days - WOW can you believe how fast that time has come. All I have to do now is stick to the eating plan. - WOOHOO!!

Here's a tag from my friend Mick, you have to respond using one word only

1. Where is your cell phone? Handbag
2. Your significant other? Poker
3. Your hair? Blonde
4. Your mother? Wonderful
5. Your father? Funny
6. Your favorite thing? Shopping
7. Your dream last night? None
8. Your favorite drink? Water
9. Your dream/goal? Happiness
10. You’re in? House
11. Your fear? Snakes
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Utopia
13. Where were you last night? bed
14. What you’re not? Skinny
15. Muffins? Banana
16. One of your wish list items? Piano
17. Where you grew up? Sydney
18. The last thing you did? Loo
19. What are you wearing? Pants
20. Your TV? On
21. Your pet? Oscar
22. Your computer?
23. Your life? Stressed
24. Missing someone? No
25. Your car? Toyota
26. Something you’re not wearing? Thong
27. Favorite Store? Myers
28. Your summer? Hot
29. Your favorite color? Red
30. When is the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? yesterday

Now it’s 4 answers
32. FOUR PEOPLE WHO E-MAIL ME? Karen,Steven,Anne,Angie
33. FOUR OF MY FAVORITE FOODS: Caramel Tarts,Steaks,Chicken,Mangoes
34. FOUR PLACES I WOULD RATHER BE RIGHT NOW? Beach,Paris,Races,Exploring
35. FOUR PEOPLE I THINK WILL RESPOND: ????

A HITCH - MAYBE!

2008-11-06T13:15:00.004+11:00

Got a call from the hospital and I need to go in for a pre admission appointment next Wednesday which is procedure for any admission. Unfortunately, while I'm there I have to see the anaesthetist which is not usually procedure. They want to discuss my last general anaesthetic I had when they had trouble intubating me. FARK! I'm cacking my daks my surgery will be postponed or worse still cancelled.

Because of this I'm going on the Opti-chuck until next Wednesday to try and lose as much weight as quickly as possible.What makes this even harder is I'll be out of town for work and staying overnight, Monday and Tuesday so I'll have to take my shakes and have them when I can and try to get out of any dinners they may have.

Oh God, please let me keep my surgery date in two weeks!!!

MELBOURNE CUP - YAY

2008-11-04T13:02:00.006+11:00

Just a quicky, here are my tips for the great Melbourne Cup

Barbaricus - MY HERO, a tough and gutsy performer,he's honest with a heart as big as Phar Lap.Carrying a lightweight for this outing expect him to be one of the leaders and if he can control the pace, he will be in the finish. Expect this 3 year old to be around for a long time.

Zipping - Finished 4th last year so can handle the distance, previous performances show he's ready for a major win.

Septimus - My choice for the imported horses, anyone that wins the Irish St Ledger by 13 lengths deserves to be included.

UPDATE:

Results

1. Viewed
2. Bauer
3. C'est la Guerre

Now you know why I will never make it as a professional punter - end of story!!

EMBARRASING MOMENTS

2008-11-01T20:15:00.005+11:00

Had a day at the races today. Our boy was running at Rosehill (Sydney track) god I love that track,very swish, little TV's on all the tables and you even get table service from the bookies.

He came home midfield, we didn't expect him to win as he was up in class and drew the widest barrier and had to race six wide all the way. The Jockey gave him a good rap though, so next time maybe.

While we were down in the mounting yard I ran into someone I used to work with 10 years and 30 kilos lighter. He also had a horse running. The first thing I thought of was "Fark, why couldn't I run into this dude after I had lost my weight". The only consolation I had was our boy beat his horse home by 8 places - nah nah nah nah nah!! - a bit childish I know!!

During the week I mistakenly emailed the photo below to one of the owners where I work. She's in her late 50's maybe and very posh and superior in her attitude to us minions. She always makes me feel like I should curtsy in the her presence and walk out backwards bowing and scraping as I leave. Well didn't I get a very curt email in reply about using work emails, and sending appropriate material blah blah blah. The stupid thing is I usually don't send this sort of thing preferring to delete them, so you can understand how mortified and embarrassed I felt - at the time.

Of course it cracked everyone else up at work and now I can laugh at it as well.
What a dickhead though , I even labelled it "Me on Halloween"!!!! ha ha

A hard lesson learnt I can tell you/

THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!

2008-10-28T08:32:00.003+11:00

Had my appointment yesterday with my surgeon and the nutritionist. Being the pessimist I am, I was quite anxious they would tell me I could not have the operation for some stupid reason or I hadn't lost enough pre-surgery weight.

By my surgeons scales I had lost 4 kilos since I saw him last which he was pleased about saying 1/2 a kilo a week is a healthy loss blah blah blah.

I recorded a 2.5kilo loss with the nutritionist and 3 cm off my waist, he also was happy with that.He even told me as long as I was eating sensibly I didn't have to have the Opti-chuck two weeks before surgery but if I could manage it it would be better AND only do two meals and have a "normal meal" as night. WOWSER!
I must admit I have been stressing out with the thought of having to go on Opit-chuck for 3 meal a day and for two weeks. I've read so many other blogs and it's been struggle for alot of fellow bandsters, but if it came to the crunch I would do it, but now knowing I don't have to do it has taken some of that stress away.

My plan of action will be to stick to the meal replacements as much as possible and when I start getting a bit toey, I will alternate to having real food, but sticking to the low carbohydrate regime of protein and free veges with no starchy carbs. I think I need the rigidity of the shakes as I'm someone who goes way off track if I'm choosing for myself all the time, so I think this will be a good balance.

My surgeon also told me if I was going to have a "Last Supper" before my surgery to have it two weeks before. He told me of one case where a young girl went on a eating and drinking binge two weeks before her surgery and her liver was so huge they couldn't do the operation. I'd be devastated if I woke up and was told 'Sorry, we couldn't do you! Anyway I certainly don't plan to go on a bender, I just want a nice big steak and a caramel tart as my last hurrah.

So, it's just a waiting game now - 24 days and counting!!!

A LOSS

2008-10-22T07:52:00.004+11:00

At last! A loss to report on 2kg (4.4lbs).

It's been a hard bloody slog I can tell you and I have not been consistent with it, but I'm fast approaching the pointy end of the game now and I need to buckle down and get as much weight of before D Day.

I have an appointment with my surgeon on Monday so I would like to show a loss when I go there. Also I have to see the nutrition doctor as well so I expect he will be disappointed I haven't lost much in the 7 weeks since I saw him last(Has it been that long!!!)

Anyway gotta go it's Wednesday (payday) my busiest (and stressful) day of the week.

A GLORIOUS DAY

2008-10-19T19:55:00.004+11:00

We went into the city (Sydney) today as my daughter had a audition with the Sydney Theatre Company. It was her first time auditioning for a professional company and as expected she was a little nervous. She had to perform from a cold script, which basically means they are given a piece to work on (with a partner) selected by the director, given a short time to rehearse it and then do it for the director. All in all the process took about 2 hours.

They need 15 actors and there were a heap of young people there so we wont know until later if she has made it, but really if she doesn't make it this time,there always going to be a next time and it's been a good learning curve for her. I was really proud of her as this was way outside of her comfort zone and she is only 17 and still at school, so theres plenty of time.

Before the audition we had a lunch at the Waterfront Restaurant at The Rocks, the scenery of the harbour and the Opera House was divine, we sat outside on a beautiful sunny day. It is a seafood restaurant and my husband & I had the seafood platter for two which although very nice with lobsters,crabs etc was a little short on quantity for the $140.00 price, but hey we don't do that sort of thing often and the views themselves made up for price.

Iv'e been reading a lot of blogs lately on people who have had the Lapband and I'm feeling it's not going to be the walk in the park like I thought. I mean I know really it's not going to be easy, but I just think I'll have to be off work at least two weeks(my doctor told me initially a week) as I am someone who gets pretty whacked from anaesthetics and my surgeon told me due to my autoimmune condition I would spent a couple of more days in rather than overnight.

Also I'm worried about being intubated as my last operation two years ago was nearly cancelled because the anesthetist couldn't get the tube down my throat( funny I thought I was Linda Lovelace - ha ha)and I woke up with an extremely lacerated throat which gave me more pain than the incision site. Personally I think the anaesthetist was a bit green around the edges as I have never had this problem before.

Anyway better sign off and get ready for work tomorrow.

HOLY CRAP

2008-10-13T13:26:00.003+11:00

Where has the time gone, my surgery time clock is showing 38 days, when I started it was over 70 days.

So far I have been sticking to the shakes,so hope I can post a loss this week.Everytime I feel like I'm going to go off track, I do some serious talking to myself,suffice to say anyone that sees me probably thinks I'm some crazy bird.

It's a bloody battle I can tell you, so fingers crossed I lose AND stay on track.

The weekend has come and left in a hurry,the dog bit me on Saturday (the little shit) not bad, only a warning snap, but it still drew blood. His problem is he thinks he's the boss!!!!

Anyway not much more to report, still stressed, still broke, thank goodness today is payday.

CALMER - JUST!

2008-10-09T13:01:00.003+11:00

I've calmed down - a bit - since my last post. That's how it is will me, I let things build up and KAPOW! I explode and have a rant.

The problems are still there though, I don't think they will ever go unless I get a divorce and/or move out.

I had to take my son to the vet on Tuesday (Yes he is a dog), poor bugger ripped one of his nails out in the screen door and it was bleeding like a stuffed pig. $110.00 later we come home with some antibiotics and pain killers for my poor wee man.

Normally my boy would lavish kisses on me when asked, but at the vets he wouldn't "talk" to me and kept turning around so I was presented with his one eye (Bum)as he didn't like me holding him down for the vet to inspect the wound - there funny buggers aren't they.

It's only 6 weeks to my surgery day, I think this also hasn't helped the stress levels as I so much want this to work. Also, I want to get my Xmas cleaning done before I go into hospital just in case I cannot do it after. So much to do, so little time.

I go back to the surgeon in just over two weeks and am scared shitless he will tell me he won't do it because I havn't lost any weight. I restarted the Optifast again today and already I'm thinking about what I can have for dinner when I have just finished lunch - FARK!

Got to keep telling myself it's for the greater good!!!!!

CAN'T BE ARSED

2008-10-07T07:39:00.003+11:00

It's that sort of morning for me, I feel like I've been run over by a semi trailer.

I'm at work, got a headache, aching all over and feel like crap.Maybe it's the stress I've had over the last few days with my brother, but all weekend I just could not motivate myself to do anything.

On my brother, he is now conscious and in a normal ward, they still have not found out what happened. He is still not feeling right, his vision is doubled and a bit woozy on his feet. They will be giving him a more in depth CT Scan today, so I hope he at least comes away with a diagnosis.

I feel like chucking everything in at the moment, my pre surgery weight loss is just not happening, I have money worries and family worries. I'm getting a bit sick of being the one who organises everything and everybody and then not getting any appreciation or consideration. I think if I had the resources I would just walk out, that's how I feel at the moment.

For once in my life I want someone else to make the decisions and worry about everything.

UPDATE

2008-10-03T08:28:00.002+10:00

We still don't know what is wrong with my brother,but we do know he hasn't had a stroke or has a brain tumor, so that is some relief in itself.

Yesterday they did a Lumbar Puncture so they can test his spinal fluid for meningitis or encephalitis and also did a EEG to test his brain activity, these results will take over 24 hrs, so it's a waiting game.

They are going to try and rouse him out his induced coma today, so we will be spending another day waiting around.

I feel optimistic though he will recover fully, I don't have the same sense of forboding I had when my younger brother had his accident and died two years ago.

By the way, it's my late brothers birthday today, he would have been 39, so I feel today will be a good day and it will be his gift to us, making Steve well again.

Thanks for all your thoughts, I'll keep you all posted.