TRYING TO HANG ON

It took me about 5 minutes to log onto my blog as I could not for the life of me remember my password. Funny thing is I have used this password for many years, just shows how bad I am at the moment.

Well my plan of staying on track and journaling my food fell flat on it's face after two days. I have been gorging myself on anything "making" up for lost time and any future time I think.

Physically I feel like crap, my joints ache, I'm getting bad headaches and my stomach and bowels lead a lot to be desired at the moment - if you know what I mean. I have been on a self-destruct mission for the past week and a half and god knows how much I have gained as my clothes are definitely showing I have.

In an effort to get me back on track I have organised to get my food delivered as of next week. This company will send me 1500 cal of food for the week, all weighed and sorted by meals for the week. I have had it before and the food is fresh and good. It is though on the expensive side at $140.00 per week, but I feel well worth it as I will not have to think about menu planning etc which reduces the stress for me a bit, knowing I just have to pick out say lunch for Wednesday. Anything that reduces my stress is a plus, you see I'm one of those people who can tolerate a lot of stress, it just takes one small thing to tip the scales and I fall into a screaming heap. Bad thing is though I have had several small things happen since Xmas.

So, I'm doing my best to hold on until Tuesday, when I get my delivery for a Wednesday start.

I have to get this right, I have to get back on track - my life depends on it.

A TOTAL DICKHEAD

Sorry I hsvn't been around much lately. Ive had alot of "shit" happening these past few weeks. Some things have been resolved and others are still hanging around and will continue to be there for some time.

I have been dealing with it the old way by 1. Ignoring the problem using the old Aussie adage of "She'll be right mate" 2. Procrastination and finally 3. drowning my sorrows in anything with a fat and sugar content higher than 20%.

When I get stressed I get sick, when I overeat I get sick , HELLO, you would think I get it after all this time.

I weighed in this morning and have gained 4.8kg(10.5 lbs), so much for my "Watch it Drop" tally on my side bar. It should read "Watch it Droop".

My Elimination Diet was a complete waste of time. I did finish the 15 days, but didn't do the reintroduction stage,to see if I had any reactions. The only thing I can say I had a reaction to is soy milk, after that I scoffed anything and everthing down. At the end of the diet though I did feel better in myself and once I got over the headaches and body aches in the beginning, I could notice a difference in my general wellbeing.

That of course was before I started on the self-sabotage exercise. I have only one thing to say about that - WHAT A DICKHEAD!. I am so ashamed of myself, I should know better.

So that's where I am, I have to start learning how to deal with my problems in a more constructive way and not make the situation worse by my sabotage.

Today, I have started to journal what I eat and count the calories and stay away from all the crap - AMEN!

STILL GOING

It's day 9 of my elimination diet.

It hasn't really been to bad, just a bit monotonous. I jumped on the scales today just to have a peek and I have gained a little weight. I know this is not about weight loss at the moment but I know I have eating more than I probably need to. I think I am compensating for the deprivation I think I feel. It's a mind thing I know.

I have been experimenting with some recipes to try and liven things up, but there's only so much you can do with such a limiting regime. I made a gluten,dairy and egg free banana bread on the weekend which was good.

In celebration of Shrove Tuesday today (pancake day) I made myself some buckwheat pancakes for breakfast with maple syrup - very yummy. I did miss the whipped butter!!! lol

I still feel a bit blah, I don't think it has anything to do with my diet, maybe I have a virus or somehting as I'm head-achy and aching all over. If anyone thinks otherwise please let me know of your experiencers. As I'm doing this on my own accord I cannot refer to anyone, though my book dosen't say anything about any possible symptons from the diet.