ANGEL v THE DEVIL

It was such a relief this morning not to have to get up and get ready for work.I only have 4 days off but I'm determined to get some long overdue things done.Today hubby was off work as well and I convinced him to make a start on cutting down a nearly dead wattle tree we have in our front garden. While he did that I got on the mattock and fork and started weeding the garden. It was hard yakka I can tell you and I only managed to do half as all the bending over was taking a toll on my back.

After lunch I was umming and arghing whether to go the the gym or not, as I had planned to use this time at home to really get stuck into the exercise again.I had the Celtic devil on one shoulder telling me I shouldn't go that I had done enough exercise for the day and the Celtic angel on the other urging me to go. The angel won out thankfully, I just got dressed and went, did my stuff and came home.So simple really I don't know why I have to make it such a big deal.


My food today has been good I stayed within my calories and am very interested to see what I can pull off by sticking it to relgiously and exercising every day. Time will tell.

A DAY AT THE RACES

As mentioned in my last post hubby, mum and myself went to the races with my Aunt and Uncle to see our boy run.He ran a gallant 5th on a heavy track, showing a nice turn of foot in the straight (as he was last and six deep on the turn)

The photo below was taken of him in the mounting yard before the race.



Mum and me in the grandstand before the race



As you can see from the photos the track was dead,I've never seen it so empty which was a shame as the crowds create the atmosphere,anyway we all had a good day.

Ate way too much this holiday long weekend and am committing to myself to get back on track tomorrow, no excuses it will be done!!

RAINBOWS

Starting to feel a little better about things in general lately.I have been setting myself little tasks and goals this week which helps with the "swamped" feelings I have been having. Being able to see what I have achieved stops me from feeling overloaded and getting stressed about the enormity of things. My eating has been OK, nothing flash, I seem to go great during the day but crave something sweet after dinner and have been dipping into the choccy biscuits, I need to find something that satisfies my sweet cravings without totalling blowing my good work. Tonight my mum has asked us over for dinner, she's cooking a pork roast - Y-U-M, my favourite and there will probably be an apple pie for dessert, oh well I have a choice don't I.

I've got two new words I'm using at the moment:-

DISCIPLINE AND NURTURING

I'm making a consistent effort to reminds myself about them several times a day. I need discipline in my life on many ,many levels and I also need to remember to nurture myself because if I don't do it no one else will that's for sure.

Tomorrow were heading off to the horse races at Royal Randwick - our boy is running and were having a family day out with the Uncles and Aunt, should be a great day if the weather holds out for us. I'll try and take some photos of us swanning around with "beautiful people"

Oh and I changed my avatar,something I created in Photobucket just to kill some time,it's my alter ego, what do you think?

TAGGED

Ive been tagged by cactus to list my favourite TV Shows. It was a bit hard for me as I really don't watch much TV, but here goes.



Benny Hill re-runs on cable, Sunday mornings 8AM - yes I actually get out of bed early to watch this. A comic genius and the best comedian EVER in my opinion, I still have a great laugh watching him.



Deadwood - Why do I like this? I am still asking myself this question as I am not a fan of Westerns, the swearing is atrocious (they use the C word which I hate) but I'm absolutely hooked and cannot wait for series 4 to come. I threaten anyone with death if I'm disturbed when watching this show!! lol



Love this show - I suppose It's the dancer in me.I even tolerate the host Daryl Sommers ( a pain in the butt I can tell ya) because I love it so much.



Inspires me to greater things.



Big Brother (Australia) I know (Hangs head in shame) why do I start to watch these things. lol

ROUTINES

First of all I survived going back to work, It has been a little difficult as I've had several people ask me if I was alright as I know I seem like I'm dead from the neck up. I just want to do want I have to do and not get involved with any other issues.

Next Monday is a public holiday here - Queen's Birthday (Happy Birthday Lizzie) so I have decided to take the rest of the week off as leave so I can get my shit together. I just want some time on my own and try to get myself in some sort of routine again. Routines are good for people with depression.

In an effort to stick to the routine, I weighed in this morning, had a loss of 1.2kg so am glad to see I haven't gained as I haven't been too arsed about sticking to the plan of late. Maybe I need to have that attitude more often or maybe there are calories in tears.

THANKYOU

Thank you for all your comments of support on my last post. I want to let you all know they were much appreciated and helped make a grey day brighter. I also want to tell you I am still reading your blogs even though I'm not making any comments.

My weekend was a "forced" one. Just about everything I did I had to force myself to do it. I forced myself to go grocery shopping on Saturday, I forced myself to do some housework. If I hadn't done this I would have stayed in bed all weekend as I feel constantly tired and run down from consistent interrupted sleep.

I am absolutely dreading going to work tomorrow, think I'd rather get bamboo sticks shoved under my toenails then have to go, but I'll probably front up.

On a brighter note during my hiatus last week, my daughter celebrated her 16th birthday.We gave her tickets to see Pink in concert with two of her friends, they all said the concert was fantastic and she was very entertaining, so I'm glad she liked it. The photo I am posting of her was taken At her 4th birthday when she had a fairy party.As you can see I really created the atmosphere and was still finding freaking fairy dust everywhere for the next 12 mths. I love this photo it's one of my favourites.

THE BLACK DOG RETURNS

Iv'e written this post about 5 times,not counting the zillion times Iv'e tried to contruct it in my head. I have had a pretty stressful week of it,trying to juggle work and family committments. I suppose to the average healthy person it is just everyday living, for me at the moment it is like trying to climb Mt Everest with a pair of thongs(flip flops)on.

I think the black dog has returned, my depression has always been excaserbated by stress and this last week has been pretty stressfull.

At the moment I'm running on auto pilot, I have no jest for anything at the moment and everything is an effort, I feel like I "want to get off the bus" and find a nice dark cosy place to get through this.Depression is the pits, it's anger without the enthusiasm, it's a black bottomless pit, it is a disease that seems to lack hope.

As usual I'm trying to analyse why I'm feeling this way which of course brings up all the negative thoughts, so I'm probably better off not doing it.

On the way to work this morning I was travelling behind a truck on the Motorway and there was a slogan on the back which read "Disipline is the bridge to reaching goals and acheivements" it struck a chord with me as I lack it big time, in alot of areas in my life.