Starving

Today for some reason I am starving. I am so hungry I could eat the crutch from a low flying duck!!!! Can't find a reason for it - have been drinking my water. I ate my days snacks by 11am and I unfortunately succumbed to a custard tart when the coffee van came which of course I now regret.

Last night Dearly Beloved and I went to our daughters school as they were having a performing arts night. Our daughter had the lead in the Yr 9 Drama play which was a modern day version of the biblical Jonah and the Whale story (she attends an Anglican college).The play was written like a Phillip Marlowe detective story - you know where the detective narrates the story between scenes. My daughter was the detective and was on stage for most of the performance. I must say she was very good, she did the whole play in an American accent which did not falter throughout. I was amazed and surprised how well she did. It was the same a week earlier when I attended the debating final - I came away thinking she should be a lawyer now I think maybe an actor.

I have a couple of challenges over the weekend - food wise. I am still planning to get to the gym on Saturday, so fingers crossed I get there.

Onwards and Upwards

I have lost 17 kilos since May 06. I have achieved this by sticking to 1500 cal a week. Up until July I was going to the gym 2-3 times a week. I suppose my improved mood has helped stick to the plan as previously I couldn't stick to anything for longer than 3 days. Like most overweight people I had tried every diet known to mankind, I always knew what I had to do but just couldn't put the two together. It feels different this time, I can't explain why, it just does.
My goal for the next week is to start back at the gym again, as I know this will speed up the losses and in the long run make me feel physically better. But I must admit I am not looking forward to starting again as last time I couldn't walk or do anything for 3 whole days. Poor Dearly Beloved had to pull me up off everything as my quads were so painful. I think this time I will halve what the trainer tells me to do.

My Epiphany

After 7 long years struggling with my ever increasing weight, chronic pain that was getting worse feeling like crap all the time and trying to hold down a full time job and run a household, my GP very gingerly suggested I may be depressed. WELL HELLO ! This guy should be nominated for a Nobel prize!!!! Who wouldn't be freaking well depressed with all this going on. I suppose I have known all along I was depressed but we all think - NO, this is only temporary and I can't be depressed. Also the social stigma side of this illness, people see it as a weakness or something you don't admit to or talk about. I could not ignore it any longer, as I hated the person I had become, so I agreed to see someone about it. That was nearly 12 months ago and I must say the medication and more importantly the talking has helped enormously. That's one of the reasons I have started to blog, as I bottled things up and the pot was always bubbling over.

I decided last May to do something about my weight, so Dearly Beloved, my brother and me joined our local gym. Things were going well,when in July my brother was crushed to death at work. As you can imagine it has shattered our family, my poor, poor mother has been in a terrible way, trying to come to terms with this. I suppose it is made worse because we do not how it happened as there has to be an investigation. His death has been my epiphany, it has made me realise life is to short and we owe it ourselves and our families to fight for it and live to the max.

So dear Gavin, I will do this for you.

The Saga Continues

Before I start to waffle on - I updated my tracker today to show the 1 kg loss I had - WOOOHOOO!!! Isn't it a good feeling when we achieve something ( had almost forgotten and given up on having those feelings again)

OK , I was just reading back the second trilogy to my life saga and I realised I wasn't doing what my mantra ans my blog name is KISS - Keep it Simple Stupid. My attention to detail and perfectionist attitude has been part of the reason I haven't stuck to any diets or lifestyle changes before, Everything was black & white to me, there was no middle ground and if I failed I was my own worst critic. Well, no,no,no I'm now cutting myself some slack,being kinder to myself and since July 06 it is working. I sometimes go 2 steps back f.or 1 step forward but there is a light at the end of the tunnel (even though it is only a pinprick!)

I remember my life stages by what weight I was at the time. When I left school I started nursing and lived in at the Hospital, I gained about 20 extra kilos. Looking back it was the stress of leaving home, doing shift work and my beloved Nana passing on. Consequently I have fat 21st photos which I hate to look at. Around this time I discovered Duromine (a prescription appetite suppressant) and wow, did those suckers work - I lost the 20 odd kilos in about 3 months without trying and I did not feel hungry at all. The downside though was I couldn't sleep and had to stop taking them after I developed tachycardia(abnormally fast heart beat). Met my soon to be husband around this time, who'll I'll call Dearly Beloved or DB, we courted for 4 years before we married in 1987. My wedding weight was 85 kilos a size 16 and boy was I depressed about that. God what I would give today to be a size 16 instead of a 22/24. I fell pregnant 3years later and went on the biggest eating binge in history and by the time I was wheeled into the delivery room for a caesar I weighed 110 kilos, OMG did I feel like a Beluga whale or what. Thankfully within 6 months after the birth when I returned to work I had lost all the weight plus some to come in at 80kilos. Several years before I had given up Nursing and started to work for a steel company (yeah I know what a contrast). I had a phenomenal rise up the ladder with this company, becoming the first woman sales rep, centre manager and state branch manager - I really loved this job and the people there. One day in Sept 98 I was called in for a "meeting" to find I was being made redundant - what a slap in the face that was after 13 years of loyal service. It totally sent me in a spiral. I found out much later it was simply because I was a women and they were weeding the woman out of the business (There weren't many of us). So began my downward spiral which I might add I didn't know I was having until 7 years later. During this time I gained 51kgs, lost all self esteem (didn't have much to start with) and could not find a job similar to the level I was on. My first name can also be a man's name so I always got an interview,even had CEO's ring me, but as soon as they found out I was a woman that was the end of it. So when I did finally get a job it was at a lower level and much lower salary. Now don't get me wrong I'm not a bra burner or hard arse career gal, but I believe in equality for all and if people are capable and qualified to do a job, your sex, race ,size etc etc should play no part in it. So, the last 7 years have been a horror time for me, with weight,health financial issues. You hear people talk about rock bottom, well I always make an attempt to talk myself up, but I think I was pretty close to it, so much so there seemed no hope........ to be continued

I did it !

Woohoo ! I finally did my tracker. A big thank you to Cactusfreek for showing me how. My goal weight is my wedding weight, I think that is a good weight to aim for in the interim. According to WW my goal weight is 72-65 kilos ! - Yeah right last time I weighed 65kgs (I was 19) I looked like a biafran on steroids !!

Ok, lets start this thing.

I grew up in a loving family, the only girl with 3 brothers (2 older,1 youngter) I was a normal weight until thr age of 12 when the Juvenile Arthritis I had diagnosed at 2, worsened and I had to cease all forms of activity including my beloved Highland Dancing (Scottish). My mum bought me a piano, got me some lessons and virtually wrapped me up in cotton wool so to speak, as that's what the doctors told her to do. So began my career with the medical profession which still hounds me to this day. All this inactivity of course made me stack on the weight aggravated by the cortisone (steroids) I was on to quell the inflammation. Due to my condition I always felt different from everyone else and everything I did or wanted to do revolved around my "complaint". So from here on I always was "fat" and or thought I was fat. High School was a bit of a nightmare at times (though thank god I went to a all girls school) I hated going swimming and to dances and stuff every teenager loved to do. I did have though, 4 great friends who remain close to this day, BUT I was always the brunt of the jokes, like spreading my jam sandwich across my science book, or hanging my bra(after swimming) up the school flag pole etc etc. I did my best to laugh it off, but deep down it hurt like hell and I was always on my guard as to what would happen next. I always had this feelin of not being good enough and of course I blamed my weight and my health........... (To be continued)

Holy crap ! I've been sitting here for such a looong time not knowing where to start with this thing. So I thought after much soul searching I would start at the beginning. First though I would like to make a few notable mentions on how and why I've started this blog.

I've been an avid reader of a few blogs over the last couple of years and it was extremely comforting to me to learn that I was:-

1. Not alone
2.Other people were experiencing the same "challenges" in regard to weight loss and life.

I have been a EXTREMELY private person, I don't usually tell anyone how I'm feeling not even my family(hence why my arse is 10 pick hammers wide) so ,I thought I would not be able to do this. But, last July, my baby brother was tragically killed in a workplace accident and it has made me realise that this life is to short and should be lived to the max, as there are no second chances. So, here I am, this blog will be my therapy and I hope I make you laugh more than I make myself cry, my next post I will start at the beginning of how's and whys.

My Mantra

Bring out the marching bands, crack the champagne ! After much deliberation and procrastination I have started a blog. I have been an avid reader of several blogs(all mainly weight loss orientated) for some time now, so have now decided to jump on the band wagon.

I've named my blog after my current mantra, which I'm using to cut out all the crap and get straight to the issue.. I've got a heap of weight to lose and am looking for all the help I can get. I'm also a bit of a computer philistine so once I can work out how to do things, I'll post one of those weight loss graphs I see on all the other sites. If anyone has any suggestion I would appreciate your comments.

Ciao for now.