Friday 30 January 2009


Dear Celtic Girl

We your digestive system have tried to let you know how we are feeling, but you have constantly ignored our symptoms.

We are now resorted to write to you directly in an attempt to bring you to your senses.

Every time you overeat that niggly pain you get over your liver is a result of too much pressure in your new stomach pouch. For pete's sake girl, your new pouch is only big emough for 1/2 cup of chewed food. Half a cup of chewed food is NOT a 3 piece feed from KFC or a 300g T bone steak with sides.

Vagus Nerve in your stomach has tried to repeatedly communicate with your brain to tell you Stomach is stretched to capacity and you should stop eating. Alas,this has all been in vain, Vagus has even been reported as saying your brain was ignoring her, we hope that is not the case.

Those crampy pains coming from your small and large bowel are a result of the excess fat you are consuming in your diet.

Since you murdered our friend Gallbladder, you no longer have a place to store your bile, so all of us have to get a customed to that change, now when you eat high fat foods it throws us all in a spin and that's why you feel like the French have moved their nuclear testing from the Pacific to your colon.

You have been through a lot since you introduced Lapband as a new member of the family. We have come to accept her as one of our own even though she is not our own flesh and blood - why can't you do the same?

We have all discussed this and have decided if you do not start being sensible about your eating we will commence a class action challenge against you.

We have already discussed this with Rectum and she has agreed to shut up shop so to speak. Can you imagine what havoc that will do - the mind boggles.

We are sorry we have had to resort to this but desperate times deserve desperate actions.

We await your response

Your Digestive System


Tracey said...

very very appropriate.

For me too.

Hope my head listened as I read it.

thanks for blogging,

Margaret said...

oh dear sounds like you could be heading for trouble, you better get your brain to function!!!! and take note of that letter.

Carlton said...

I think that's a great letter...

Tania said...

LOL ... oh what a classic! And i'm sure lesson learnt, I can't wait for the response :-)

SuMarie said...

Funny, funny you!

Chris H said...

So... how's the rectum? lol
I had my gallbladder removed a few years ago, can relate to the problem of eating too much fat and the resulting rush to the loo!

Nola said...

I absolutely loved this!! It could have been written by MY body:)