GETTING A GRIP

I've given myself a couple of good hard bitch slaps in the attempt to knock some sense into my thick head.

I'm referring to my eating and attitude over the past week. I think I've finally realised I fall into a screaming heap trying to juggle full time work, a home and family while not feeling well. As soon as I start to feel unwell I medicate myself with food. I suppose I have really known this for a while, but the severity of it has hit home this week.

I have treated food as a friend and confidante,something to give me a quick fix of positive reinforcement when times are a bit tough when I feel I need something special to pick me back up again. I know I'm not alone in this , I think there are a lot of overweight people who experience the same thing. Finding a way to get out of the rut is the hardest.

ChrisH spoke of the lack of motivation on her blog last week, and I think I responded something like "if we all knew what the magic key was to motivation we would all make a fortune". If we follow the text books,goal setting is one thing that can help turn the tide. I've never been one to do this sort of this,as I want it now and not down the track.This is probably why I fail at a lot of things.

I've decided I'm going to give it a go,it's going to be basic to begin with and follow the golden rules of goal setting being

1. Have an Ultimate Long Term Goal

2. Have several mini goals to help with the motivation along the way

3. Make sure the goals are achievable.

I will put them in my side bar and add to them as I see the need.

Today has been a much better day and I already start to feel more in control of things.The band is still giving me good restriction - I now have to be extra careful with what I eat. Thick bread and rice are a definite no-no and some meats like pork are hard to swallow.My stomach get really sore now which is really a good thing as I know know when to stop shovelling the food in.

I'm keeping a food diary now and counting the calories again - 1200, I've also scheduled Mondays,Wednesdays,Fridays and Saturdays as gym days, this is something I really want to get into now. Watching The Biggest Loser again has brought home again I can do this.

I can do this - I CAN DO THIS!!

MAD COW SYNDROME

Have not been having a good week.

I've been suffering from "Can't be arsed syndrome" and "Eyes are WAY to big for my new stomach size syndrome"

Today I stupidly caved in and ordered chinese takeaway - Sweet and Sour Pork - my favourite. 3 mouthfuls in KAPOW! bad pain in my sternan and left shoulder,had to bring it all back up. I think it was the boiled rice, so I ended giving it to one of my colleagues who had been drooling over it.

The last 3 days I've indulged in my old favourites - The evil Caramel Tarts. I have had the worst cravings for these littler suckers and have caved in on all three occasions. Mercifully today my usual source wont be going out, so I cannot ask her to get me one.

I'm feeling really disappointed with myself with all the 2 weeks on and then off the diet merry go round.It is really soul destroying when it takes me 1 week to put on all the weight I have lost the previous week.

Thank god for the band because in my frame of mind at the moment at least it STOPS me big time in the quantity department. It is only my own stupidity that's stuffing up in the quality department.

Why do we this? I mean the self sabotaging. Some will say it's the quick fix reward.Is my life so sucky I need to do this to myself. I mean hey,I've got my problems like everyone, but really I have a lot of things I am grateful for.I know at the moment I'm a bit stressed out over a few things, so maybe it's my knee jerk reaction to that.

On other issues, I bought a new set of scales - Tanita - cost me a fortune but great scales.Tells me my weight,% body fat,hydration levels,bone mass,muscle mass,how many calories I need to maintain my current weight (2000 cals)and BMR age.

Got some interesting stats,my BMR age is 50 which considering my weight is not bad at all as I'm currently 47. 48% fat(I expected more) and I have a significant amount of muscle mass, oh and I'm dehydrated(ok I knew that one).The downside is they weigh 2kg heavier than my previous scales,but I'll get used to that.

Anyway, all I can do is keep on keeping on and try,try and try!

6TH 0F THE 6TH

Cactus has tagged me for the following.

Here are the rules of the challenge:

Go to your photo folder in your computer.
Go to the 6th folder of the photos.
Go to the sixth picture.[no cheating!]
Put the picture on your blog with a description. Invite six friends to join the challenge.Link them in your blog and let them know they have been challenged.
Here is my 6th picture from the sixth folder :o)



This is one of those chance photos. My daughter who was about 2 at the time was going around measuring everything with Granddad's tape measure. As she passed by her grandfather , she thought she'd do him a favour and measure his butt, he was totally clueless, it was very funny indeed!!!

I'm not tagging anyone, if you wish to partake please do so.

WEIGH IN

Today's weight is (drum roll please) 115.4kg.

That's a loss of 1.2kg(2.6lbs) for the week. My BMI is now out of the Morbidly Obese category - WOOHOO!

You know what though, I am a bit disappointed in that number,I mean considering that I've been eating sparrow rations since Monday and also taking into account what Iv'e lost in the loo I was expecting a bigger number.

Maybe it's the unrealistic expectations I always give myself that I'm disappointed but anyway - onwards.

Tomorrow I'm going to look for a new set of scales, the whizz bang ones that show body fat,water etc etc. Maybe I can get one that says - YOUR ARSE IS NOW 5 PICK AXE'S WIDE!!!! LOL!

TIGHTER THAN A..........

Feeling better today, woke up minus the migraine thank goodness.

Still sore in the stomach,but I'm not complaining because while it's sore it also means I have super-duper restriction with my band.

My band is tighter than a fish's arse at the moment and I'm loving every minute of it.

I was completely satisfied till lunchtime with 1 boiled egg and half a piece of toast for breakfast.Lunch was 4 crackers with a small can of WW baked beans.Dinner was 1 BBQ chicken wing,1/4 cup caesar salad and a few chips(Yes I could have forgone the chips) all totally 950 calories for the day.

This is how it's supposed to be, so I'm hoping this restriction will last much longer than the first one.

Now to get back into the exercise.My restart to the gym fell by the wayside since my colitis returned last week, so will have to get back into it. I'm sure I will experience much better weight loss once I start and be consistent with the exercise.

Today I got approached at work if I'd be interested in taking on a more National role. The subject of all my health issues came up naturally as I have had a heap of time off last year with one thing and another.They asked me was I planning anymore health related absences. OMG, like someone plans for that sort of thing,I suppose they have to ask.

Anyway the crux of it is I have accepted the position as of today and first job to to employ someone to take over the weekly wages which I do.I'll still be overseeing the payroll but most of my emphasis will be on credit risk analysis on a National basis.

I'm looking forward to the challenge only problem is I hope they give me the required resources to do it effectively.

There's no point climbing Mt Everest if they only give you a pair of thongs(flip flops) to do it in!!!!

JINXED

Seems I've jinxed myself again, after telling my Immunologist last week I have been feeling great health wise, I get a flare up with my Ulcerative Colitis.

Since Friday I have had two major attacks with bleeding involved (which I've never had before). So now it will mean a trip to the bum doctor and probably a colonosopy again - FUCK! I am so over this!

Had my second fill yesterday which was an experience I don't wish to repeat again.

The fill itself went OK it's just I had a colitis attack 30 mins before my appointment and was glued to the loo in agony. I had another 1.5mls put in the band taking me up to 6mls in a 12mls band. It is quite tight, it almost feels as tight as it was post operative.

To add to my woes, this morning I woke up with a thumper of a migraine. My whole day has been spent trying not to spew. I had a couple of chucks this morning which produced zilch, but I felt better for them even though my stomach is sore.sore sore.

I hope my head is better tomorrow as I have to go in and do the wages, I can work with the stomach pains but cannot handle it when my head is pounding.

Once again - I am so over being sick, I just want to have e good stretch where my health is good.

WEIGH IN

Thought I had better start the traditional weigh in day, so from now on Friday will be the day.

I suppose like most dieters I'm giving myself time to recover from any weekend discretions I may have.

Anyhow, todays weight is 116.6kg.

So a loss of 1.8kg as from my last recorded weigh in January. Actually I have lost 3.9kg this week as I had gained from the January weight so I'm really happy with the effort I have put in.

And yes it has been a challenge as my band restriction is somewhat lacking again so am looking forward to my fill on Monday.



This little girl was saved by this volunteer firefighter in the Victorian bushfire disaster she had severe burns to her paws and is now being cared for by wildlife volunteers. Thank god for these kind compassionate people who help all animals in need.

Have a great weekend everyone and be kind to your selves.

PIG IN SHIT

Ok, thanks to Cactus I can now link things ,so you can link my progress page HERE.

Woohoo it works!!!

Today I went back to me nutritionist and Immunologist for follow up visits. I had lost another 3 kgs since I saw them last, the biggest thing that I got a buzz out of was I have lost 10cm from my waist measurement since I started. That little piece of information was a great motivational shot for me.

The nutritionist agreed with me that I need another fill so I'm booked in again next Monday.He assures me once they get the fills right I'll stop feeling so damn hungry and start losing the weight more consistently.

My immunologist was also impressed with my weight loss to date and said when I lose another 10 kg's he going to start reducing my cortisone dose which will be great if we can as that is one of the main contributors to the weight gain side of things.So I have 3 months until my next visit so I think 10kg's in that time frame is achievable.

WHERETHEFUCKARWE!

UPDATE: The progress page is a new blog that can be accessed on my profile page, I'm such a techno wiz - NOT! and don't know how to link to thing.

IF ANYONE CAN HEKP IT WILL BE MUCH APPRECIATED!

PROGRESS PAGE

Previously I've been slack with taking photos and measurements so I don't really have that many but will start doing them noe every 10 kgs. I think they are a great motivator especially to look back onto when times are a bit tough.

ps I'd appreciate someone telling me how to link URL's in posts.

IT''S GOING TO BE ONE OF THOSE DAYS

LETTER OF REPLY

Dear Digestive System

I have sat here for hours trying to construct a worthy defence of my actions, but alas I am lost for anything credible that was not a big fat pack of excuses.

I seem to enjoy pushing the envelope in what I can eat, I mean in regards to the foods they say lapbanders can't eat like bread,red meat etc etc. I just seem to enjoy being able to say, "Yes, I bloody well can eat those things - see"!

It's the defiant Celtic Girl coming out, you know the one who likes to prove people wrong. Maybe I need everyone to tell me I won't ever lose my weight - a bit of good old reverse psychology may do the trick.

I have thought about it long and hard and I think it comes back to feelings of deprivation that food restriction brings.

Maybe it's my impatience causing all the grief, I always was someone who wants the quick fixes. Patience is not one of my virtues.

I am also "scared shit less" as we say here. I'm scared I really wont lose the weight and I will fail. I only told a few people about this but I feel there expectations overwhelming me. I know they are only being nice, but I hate it every time they ask me "How much weight have you lost now?"
I swear sometimes there is a look of "I told you so" in their eyes when I say "nothing this week".

Lapband and I are still in our honeymoon period, I must admit being a little disappointed she is not having the desired effect on my appetite.The first 3 weeks were bliss, I could have my half cup of liquid/food and not even think about my next meal, but unfortunately that was short lived.

I've booked in a another fill in two weeks, so hopefully I'll get closer to the green zone I'm supposed to be in.

Since your letter I have made some effort, I have steered clear of the high fat foods and limited myself to 1200 cal a day. I have even started back at the gym,if you check with Heart and Lungs they will collaborate my story.

I have further work to do, I need to cut out the carbs again but am having difficulty as they are my comfort foods at the moment. I mean to say when you have a choice of a piece of hot buttered raisin toast and a boiled egg, what are you going to choose really?

As for killing Gallbaldder well her demise was a by product of losing too much weight too fast, even the Dr said that so I cannot be held totally responsible for that one.

I can assure you Brain was not ignoring Vagus,it was simply a case of "take a message and I'll get back to you shortly"

In closing, all I can plead is that I'm trying I really am, your letter and my reply has really made me think - it's been good therapy.

I'm sure we will have more trials and tribulations to get through before things are fine tuned, but always be assured I'm on your side

forever yours

Celtic Girl

PS please do not follow through with your threat involving Rectum, getting her to shut up shop will only cause the buildup to come out of my other end. I suffer enough from verbal diarrhoea as it is.

PPS I did not eat a three piece feed from KFC