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Sunday 20 April 2008

IN MOURNING

DAY 6 126 KG

Spent the day shopping with my daughter today. I wish I wore my pedometer, I'm sure I would have done at least 10,000 steps. We were gone 6 hours and I'm exhausted to say the least.

The last shop we visited was a haberdashery store as I had to return the wool I had bought for my rug. It was all different dye lots and I could not get 30 balls in the same dye lot - pfttt!! What an experience that was, a huge store with 2 cashiers 10 people in front of me. 15 minutes later I get to the top of the queue and get told "I'm sorry we don't do returns here, you have to go to the other counter. The other counter is at the back of the store so after I trudge down there I find 8 people in front of me and it's taking twice as long to serve them. Ye gods,what has ever happened to customer service. After about 15 more minutes, I feel like saying "Excuse me, can you please call me an ambulance as I think I'm going to need it by the time I get served" as my legs were just throbbing.

Back to my title, I'm mourning the loss of my fertility.

I'm officially in menopause. I found out a couple of weeks ago,I knew it was coming but it was finally confirmed through blood tests.

I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE GOING THROUGH THIS, I'M ONLY 46 - ISNT THAT TOO YOUNG!

I must admit I have felt pretty down about it since I found out. Stupid I know, but for some reason I feel less of a woman. Now I know how woman who have mastectomies feel, as it's that same comment I have heard from them - less of a woman. I always hoped to have another child but it was put on the back burner for things like career,health issues etc and now it is to late.

I think regret is the hardest thing to live with.

4 comments:

CactusFreek said...

Menapause at 46? Wow! I thought it happened in our 50's unless we have a hystarectomy or something.
But hey, look on the bright side, pretty soon your period will be a thing of the past! WoooHoooo!!!
Try not to feel like less of a woman :o)

I didn't watch TBL tonight as we were having dinner. We taped it so i could watch it in the morning while on the treadmill.
It's very good to know that Cosi didn't get in though :o)

CactusFreek said...

... but i just looked at TBL website and noticed Micheal got knocked out too. As much as him getting rid of Sean annoyed me, i could've stood perving on him a bit longer in the show lol

Chris H said...

Every one is different when it comes to when they start menopause.. I started properly at 47... so you are not 'too early' .... and don't go thinking your monthly will stop any time soon... no doubt you will have years of on/off, on/off periods. I just hope you don't get them every 3 weeks like me with heavy flooding to boot! Maybe you will be lucky and they will stop! And I hope like hell ya don't get the hot flushes... they are the PITTS.

Nona said...

Regret IS the hardest thing to live with.

I think it's a good thing you are allowing yourself to reflect and acknowledge your feelings of sadness. That's probably the only way through.

{{{Hugs}}}