NEW WONDER DRUG

I wish there was a magic pill like the one in the picture, to take all our stress away and, have nothing to worry about. I suppose life would be pretty boring if we didn't have some sort of thing going on.
I am guessing now I haven't won Powerball (Lottery) tonight as I haven't had a phone call - no surprises there, it was $ 12 Million (AUD).Each week I play the same numbers and dream what I will do with it if I won. I know most people dream of cracking the big one, but would it really make them happy? I would think it would be a huge burden actually, I'm sure there would be a few relatives and friends come out of the woodwork. The major benefit for me would be that I could give up working full time because 1. my health would benefit from less stress and 2.my parents are getting to the age when they will need me more. I've also got an aunt I'd like to help out more who is virtually wheelchair bound and can't do things we take for granted like going shopping,cooking, housework etc.She's got three children who with the exception of one, do nothing to help her, they are as useless as tits on a snake.

At work we are having our annual audit ,and what a huge pain in the arse that is I can tell you, some of those auditors could do with a couple doses of this new pill,hmmmm I think a rectal dose would do the trick!!

Chunda Struck!

a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank">
Apologies now for the weak of stomach.

I feel absolutely dreadful after going out to dinner for my mum's birthday.We went to a all you can eat buffet and God it's repeating on me.I overate and chose all the wrong things, then came home and had some birthday cake(Marble Mud Cake). Now I'm paying for it. My stomach is gurgling and groaning and will probably keep me up for most of the night. Well if that's my penance I must accept it as I take full responsibility for the pig out. I suppose on a positive note my body is now telling me it doesn't like what I'm giving it, in the past it wouldn't have "batted an eyelid"
so to speak.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM

This post is for my mum, tomorrow (Tuesday) is her 72nd birthday.My mum like most mothers, is a very special person.She's probably the only person who knows what I am thinking and feeling without words ever having to be spoken. She is selfless to the core and would give you her last dollar or scrap of food if she thought you needed it. I really try to emulate her as she is such a good and kind person.The photo I have posted of her is when she was courting my father in the mid 50's taken at the in spot of the time in Sydney,"The Troc" short for The Trocodero.As I mentioned earlier she reminds me of Maureen O'Hara or maybe even Deborah Kerr.

Also as promised here is my Dad,with a unknown female friend,he is a great Errol Flynn fan, but I think he look more like Clarke Gable - what do you think?

THANKYOU ALL

Thank you all for your kind comments on my pictures. My only fear now is posting me as I am now,morbidly obese and a face ravaged by 10 years of cortisone use.I will soon though post a recent photo when I actually find one of me at my biggest 141kg.

I don't live in the past, I have a few regrets, but I look back at them to remind me I don't want to go there again.

Spider and Cactus, sorry I don't think I look like anyone, so don't know who you mean. I always thought my mother looked like Maureen O'Hara when she was younger and my Dad had a Clark Gable look about him (he has big ears too).I'll post a photo of them this week as a commemoration to their birthdays this month.

Also, Spider, I was a very alive and happy person once,was popular and had a lot of good friends.I'm trying to find that person again as she got lost and forgotten about over the past 10-12 years. She's trying to claw her way out of the black pit she'd fallen into. She's making some progress but has the odd stumble along the way.

My food this week has also had the odd stumble - I've been good for 70% of the week,there is some consolation the scales have not moved up and not moved down.This Tuesday is my mums birthday, we are going to a "all you can eat" buffet.The food there is the best buffet food I have ever had (which was last Tuesday for a co-workers farewell) The quantity thing is not the problem for me it's the quality.I know I will have the fried spring rolls, the potato bake, and honeyed chicken, oh and some pork crackling. And of course I must have some birthday cake.Then it's game on again until Easter which is only a week and a half away. Egad! I am not looking forward to Easter - I'm not a chocoholic but this year my mouth salivates like Pavlov's dog at the mere thought of all the Easter eggs I see and smell - so am really worried how I'm going to go.

This morning I went to Church with my daughter. I havn't been in such along time and was quite anxious about going.There is a new Minister now and the service was different from the previous Minister who was ultra conservative. I actually quite enjoyed it. The last song we sang was called "New Song in My Heart" it struck chord with me and as I left I felt more uplifted and free of spirit. I'd like to go back next week and see if it happens again. Anyhow I'm off to hit the sack as work again tomorrow - Yuk!

HOME ALONE

It's Friday night (yay) and I'm home all alone (double yay)with the dog.My daughter is at a sleepover and wont be home till Saturday night and my husband it at his poker night.I should say one of his poker nights - he goes 5 nights out of 7.He has been struck by the bug,playing the poker tournaments which are held at various clubs around where we live.It sometimes annoys me that he does it so often,but have reconciled to it as it doesn't cost anything to play and he's not out drinking while he's doing it. It has given him an interest which is good and he is always trying to get me to go with him, but it's not my cup of tea. The best he's done is 3rd out of 250, who knows it may lead to the professional circuit one day and mega bucks!!!! lol

My weekend is going to be filled with the usual, grocery shopping,washing and cleaning, consequences of having to work full.

At Spiders request I've replaced the virtual models with actual "skinnier" (and younger) photos of myself. It's funny but I used to think myself as fat back then - wish I was that "fat" now. The beach shot was taken by a girlfriend on one our many weekend fishing adventures, you'll notice I'm wearing a sarong as I hated showing what I thought were thunder thighs. The second head shot was taken by my husband on our honeymoon just before we headed off to dinner.I'm about 75 kilos in each shot. I will post a recent shot as soon as I get around to conning someone to do it.Anyway off the bed now as a busy day tomorrow.

WHERE'S THE WHITE KNIGHT WHEN YOU NEED HIM

I've had a pretty shite day today. I was either ranting like a banshee or crying at the slightest thing. I spent most of the day thinking how I was going to "vent my spleen" in this post,then I changed my mind and was going to do a "woe is me" post, then I decided I just wasn't going to post at all because I wasn't doing what I preach to everyone else, which is to stay positive.

After reading some other peoples blogs who are doing it tough I now feel a little better - strange as it sounds.Whether it's because I see things a little clearer now I don't know.What I do know is I need to make some big changes to my life but can't see around them at the moment due to my current focus of weight loss and overall better health.

When I was a little girl, I used to dream a White Knight would take me away from all the nasty horrible things - I think deep down I am still hoping he comes

YOU WANT WHAT AND WHEN ?

The only way is Up

Spider, this is for you. Yhe ONLY way is UP ! so pull your finger out and start getting there!

HAPPY 75TH BIRTHDAY DEAR COATHANGER

Our grand old lady of the harbour turns 75 today, she took 6 years to finish,cost alot of money and a few died while working on her.Paul Hogan from Crocodile Dundee fame even worked on her for some time as a rigger before fame came a knocking. The grand opening was held on 19th March 1932 and was to be opened by the NSW Premier of the time Jack Lang. Just as Jacky boy was to cut the ribbon along came the staunch monarchist - Captain Francis De Groot on his trusted stead and slashed the ribbon with his sword in the name of "the decent and honorable citizens of New South Wales.
What he really was protesting about was Jacky boy taking what previously has been a Vice-Regal honour.He copped a 5 pound fine and a eternal place in Australian folklore.
Being a Sydney gal, I love this bridge and am always in awe of her magnificence.Some of the photos I have posted are my favs, but I particularly like her the best at New Years Eve when they have all the fireworks, for any of you that watched the Olympics here in 2000 you will know what I mean.

WEIGH IN

Lost .400 grams (.880lb) this week. I am happy with the result considering all the stress I've had lately. Also, haven't really felt hungry probably due to not feeling 100%. I had a couple of incidents where I could of gorged my self on anything I could lay my hands on, but I was able to identify they wrere only me wanting a quick fix to my emotional problems.

Went to the funeral yesterday which I got through. It was so sad, but as I mentioned before such a relief as he is out of his misery. I also visited my brothers grave as it is now finished. It looks nice, but no where near good enough for the money my parents paid for it. They really take advantage of people when they are at their weakest emotionally.

Had my X-rays also, they were pretty straight forward and only had to be done once which is a nice change. Usually they have to do several times due to my "body habitus" that's medical talk for BEING FAT! Also booked my Bone Scan and told them of my concern, they took me in and showed me the machine and THANK GOD it is a newer version which means the machine only has to do one sweep and not two, so I'm more relaxed about that - I will still take some happy pills!!! lol

Anyway, my lunchbreak is nearly over - till next time.

DOING THE ROUNDS

Hubby and I had a day off work today as I had two specialists appointments.As I predicted in an earlier post, I have to go through the plethora of tests gain.Yuck! I had so much blood taken today I just about needed a transfusion and worst of all I have to have a Bone Scan.Now for 95% of people who have these it is nothing, but to me it's a nightmare. You see I'm one of those people who get C-L-A-U-S-T-R-O-P-H-O-B-I-C and the mere thought of it terrifies me.The last time I had one I had to tell them to stop as I was getting quite panicky. The Dr told me I may have to be admitted to get things under control but wont know until next week after the results are in.You see my immune system is playing havoc with my body at the moment and causing the arthritis and bowel inflammation.Also having bad night and day sweats which I thought were the start of menopause but alas no, so I have to record my temperature 4 times a day for a week.I'm normally a bit blase when it comes to my health, but I'm a bit worried as the Dr said it is serious.Anything to do with the immune system is a bit hit and miss as far as treatment is concerned.All I can do is try and stay positive.

Tomorrow my workplace is closing early so we all can attend a former colleague's funeral.Danny was only 55 and had Motor Neurone disease, he lasted 12 months longer than he was given and was tenacious to the end. He showed me (like so many others I have nursed) the incredible fighting spirit we as humans have when faced with adversity.It's ironic, his service will be held in the same Chapel as my brothers service was held last July and I am a little scared of going and reliving some of those emotions. One of those mourners was Danny, he struggled down the aisle on his crutches to pay his last respects, something my mother and I will never forget,tomorrow we will both be there for him. I am sad he is gone but relieved for him and his family, he is now at peace.

Makes my problems seem insignificant.

AWAKENING THE GODDESS

Today my daughter and I went shopping for some much needed new brassieres or as my husband calls them "Over Shoulder Boulder Holders".After trying on 15 or so styles that ranged from teeny weeny handkerchiefs(my daughters) to iron lungs(alas, mine) we both came away with our purchases and ego's inflated, as we both went down 2 sizes.

Whilst browsing in the shop I came across a brand we have here in Australia called Hestia, which we refer to as:-

Holds
Every
Size
Tit
In
Australia

For those who remember their Greek mythology, Hestia was the Greek goddess of the home and hearth.On my return home I researched more about Hestia and came up with the following:

Mantra: Simplicity

Affirmations: I walk in beauty
I am healthy and happy
My vital energy resurfaces naturally
I enjoy the food that is good for me
I am healthy in all aspects of my being
I have the power to control my health
At my centre there is a incandescent fire
I am in control of my health and wellness

You know I think I like this goddess and what she stands for, so much so I want her as my patron. I have a patron saint now I have a patron goddess.

WEIGH IN

I'm happy to record a loss this week of 1.1 kg (2.4lbs). The food plan is going well at the moment.Iv'e had a couple of moments this week when I nearly fell off the wagon so to speak, but I managed to talk my way out of it, so I'm am really pleased my old resolve is returning.If I take the time to think before I grab something and stuff it my mouth, I usually dont end up having it. Also reading other weightloss blogs definately helps me. The other night I was reading Livy's blog and was fighting the urge to have a corneto icecream, after reading a poem she had posted I decided against having it - so thanks Livy and all you other guys and gals.

The next thing I have on my list is the (whispers) e-x-e-r-c-i-s-e.Got to do some planned activity as I know it will help things along.I'm hangnig out for the weekend, it's been a stressful week getting ready for the auditors coming in later in the month. I am so over my job at the moment, I think I need a change, will have to add that to my list!

I'M ASHAMED - NOT

To all that left some comments thanks for playing the game. I'm the one on the far right, so for all that picked me well done. Oh and Mick, I have never been called cute so thanks for my little thrill ! lol. Chris H was correct in emphasing the word "few" in my description of the years. You know I'm a little embarrassed and a bit shocked when I actually counted back the number of years this picture was taken because inside I don't feel any different it's only the outside that shows the 20 year period. I chose this photo because it was one of the only ones I had in a group and it is such a happy photo with good memories.

Now I'll tell you why I titled this post as I did. I showed a colleague of mine who is female and older than me,this photo and why I was posting it. I had to tell her which one was me as she reckoned she couldn't pick me.When I pointed myself out she exclaimed in her shrill banshee voice "Oh, you ought to be ashamed of yourself." I let the first comment go, but she repeated it twice more.What she meant was "you should be ashamed of yourself for letting yourself go". Now because I've worked with this woman for 5 years and I know she always puts her mouth into gear before engaging her brain, I let her get away without showing my feelings. It sort of cut deep and of course I mulled over it for the next 24 hours.Now I will readily admit I know I DO NOT look like this now, as not only was it 20 years ago it was also about 45 kilos ago.Just to test her out I asked 3 other colleagues ,1 woman and 2 men and they picked me out straight away which of course made me feel better. So, am I ashamed of what I have become? - ashamed no - disappointed yes. Disappointed I have wasted so much time and disappointed at making detrimental choices.

ps. All I can say is this woman had better check her tampons carefully as I just might replace one with the self exploding type!!! he he he

I'M COMING OUT

I've decided to bite the bullet and post a photo of me. There is a hitch though, you have to guess which one is me.The photo is a few years old (no I do not want to tell you HOW old, leave me some dignity)It was taken at a friends birthday party and is of me and my four dear gal pals. So which one is me? To make it more interesting please give a reason why you made your choice.