HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL

Here I am striking my best pose taken only a few minutes ago during our Kris Kringle here at work - it was a lot of fun.

Sorry for my lack of posts have been extremely busy at work with the Xmas rush and also our companies financial year ends December, so it's been go go GO!.

Cannot wait for the week and a half break I can tell you.

Well I'm posting my last weigh in for the year, did it on Monday and it's the lowest I have been for a long while, though don't expect it to stay that way during the silly season, but still don't expect it to be massive.

Just think, this day last year I was in hospital having my gall bladder out - doesn't time fly by.

Today's weight 112.2 kg (246.8lbs)so a loss of 600 grams(1.32 lbs). I was secretly hoping to get down to 110kg for Xmas, but really am happy with my efforts since mid October, so am not going to beat myself up about it.

Anyway hope you all have a happy and safe Christmas and New Year.

WEIGH IN

Weighed in today at 112.8 kg (248.16) for a loss of 1.1 kg (2.42 lbs)

This has brought up a couple of firsts.

- Lowest weight since having the lap band
- Cracked the 20 kilo mark since my first appointment with the surgeon
- Lowest weight in over 10 years
- Under the 250 lb mark

That makes nearly 8 kilos lost since I had my last fill 7 weeks ago.

Can,t ask for anything better than that - I rock!!! (If I say so myself)

BUZZ CUTS AND FORMALS

Dog wonder is back home at last!

My boy came home last Monday quite a bit wobbly on his feet due to the medication, but at his loving best. He also have us quite a laugh sporting a new hairstyle that we nicknamed the Lobotomy Buzz Cut as shown below.



The vet bill came to a gobsmaking $4K but I'm relieved we now know what the problem is and not having to worry about more sinister things.

When the vet brought him in to us it took about 30 secs for him to register who we were and then he went nuts. I think he thought we had abandoned him. As you can see from the picture below I think Oscar's also happy to be home.



We also attended my daughter school formal. It as held right on the harbour under the Sydney Harbour Bridge - such a picturesque place.

She looked beautiful and here are some photos with her proud parents.





We stayed in a very swish hotel for the night and spoilt ourselves for the next 24 hours - oh the lifestyles of the rich and famous! lol!

GOODS NEWS AND IT'S A BANDANNIVERSARY!

Oscar the dog wonder is on the improve.

His MRI and brain fluid tests have come back negative for Pug Encephalitis I am so happy as the Encephalitis was the worst case scenario and would have been a death sentence as it's a progressive disease without any cure.

They are treating him for Epilepsy and adding some extra meds so if he responds well to them he may be able to come home tomorrow. He will need to be on these meds for the rest of his life but this is the best case scenario we could have asked for.

What a major relief to know my boy's condition is treatable. The vet told me this morning he is not handling life in cage (who could blame him) and look depressed and has been a bit snappy when they go to do something to him.

I can't blame him as I know whats its like to be poked and prodded and he doesn't understand they are only trying to help him. I can't wait to see him and get him home - I have really missed the little bugger.

I realised earlier that today is my one year bandanniversary - wow! It hard to believe this time last year I had the op and also the start of all my problems I had with it.

So to commemorate this auspicious occasion I had another weigh in today to record a weight of 113.9kg (250.58 lbs) with a loss of .800 kg(1.76 lbs) since my last weigh in 4 days ago - so am very happy with that.

I still think I made the right decision even taking into account all the problems I had after surgery and the up and down weight loss. Since my last fill 5 weeks ago I have had good losses and feel it's now adjusted to do what is supposed to do. I am no longer fantasising about what I can eat and am amazed at how little I'm actually eating.

All in all I'm a happy camper and will be even happier when I get my boy home!!!

MY BOY IS IN TROUBLE

Oscar my dog aka Fatty Boombalarta is critically ill in a doggie specialist hospital near the city.

Some time ago I mentioned he started to have fits and my local vet has been treating him for epilepsy.Things have been going ok up until now when started having fits every 2-3 hours then every 1 hour. It was so horrible to watch and I felt helpless.

We took him to the hospital early yesterday morning and he was admitted and given some sedation and meds to stop the fitting and give his wee brain a rest.

Initial testing (bloods( came back normal and tonight he is having a MRI to see if his brain is swollen or there is some other nasty, pending that they will then do a Spinal Tap as the Dr thinks it may be Pug Hydrocephalus.

I'm a bit of a mess at the moment as my dog is like a child to me and I love him to bits - he's the one that loves me no matter what I do and I missed his little pushed in face and all the kisses he bestow on me.

Say a prayer for my boy and hope there is nothing sinister.

ON A ROLL

On a roll in regards to the weight loss.

Weighed in today at 114.7kg (252.34lbs) so a loss in 6 days of 1.2kgs (2.64lbs).

Obviously the restriction is going well, but now I'm also finding I'm not craving the crap so much, I even declined a Magnum (Chocolate Covered ice cream) the other day and knocked back some Lindt chocolate - strike me pink! - that's never happened before - lol!

In regards to the sleep or lack of it, my Doctor said it will eventually pass so I just have to ride it out,she gave me some other tablet to take which once I found out what is was I decided against it.

My overall mood has been good and I certainly have more motivation to do more tasks now, lets hope it also helps with public enemy number 1 - procrastination.

I hope to post some more progress photos soon, maybe take some next week at my daughter's end of school formal. They are having it at a reception venue overlooking Sydney Harbour, we have all booked in to a nice hotel in the city so am looking forward to that.

Anyway must away and get ready for work - adios amigos!

WEIGH IN

A quick visit to record my latest weight.

115.9kg so a loss of .700 kg (1.56lbs) Happy it is still having a downward trend.

Back at work now and it has been hectic, hence my lack of postings and blog reading.

Having some trouble with my sleep at the moment. Have been averaging 5 hours of sleep a night due to a change in my anti-depressants for the past 3 weeks.Going back to see the Dr on Friday as I cannot go on like this as I am taking a sleeping tablet so god knows what it would be like without it.

Dr changed my meds as this is a new drug which they have had good results with people who have chronic pain like me. The first two weeks coming off the old meds and introducing the new ones were hell I must say. Pain was so bad I had to get some crutches to walk and was very teary.

The mood now is better and I feel like I have more get up and go and more importantly I'm taking less pain meds so in that regards there has been an improvement - it's just the damn sleep issue, so will have to wait and see.

Anyway better go work awaits!

WEIGH IN - WOO HOO!

Weighed in today at 116.6 kg (256.52lbs) which is a loss this week of 1.5 kg ( 3.3lbs) - go me!

The best part of all is I didn't feel deprived or hungry once and was able identify when I'd had enough. Fingers crossed I've found my sweet spot in regards to my restriction level.

So that's a total of 3.9 kg (8.58 lbs) since 12th October and I haven't even started to exercise yet.

Unfortunately my holidays are over and today was my first day back at work which was quiet, thank goodness due to my boss being away. I'm sure that will change once he returns on Monday - bugger!

Well I didn't cross much off my holiday to-do list but hey I must have done something right as everyone was telling me today how great I looked. I think my new hair colour and cut may have helped with that.

My daughter is continuing on with her final exams, she only has one left - drama and not until 12th November, so now it will be a wait for her results then to see what universities she is offered a place at, what see needs to do now is get a part time job.

Anyhow time for bed as I'm exhausted - ciao!

A WEIGH IN

My new restriction is working well I weighed in today at 118.1kg (259.8 lbs) recording a loss of 2.4 kgs ( 5.2 lbs).

Had a few problems with food getting stuck but really is my own fault as I didn't chew it properly on one occasion and then scoffed the food down because I was upset on another occasion.

I'm learning that taking the time to chew properly and saviour food has helped with the head hunger issue,as previously after eating my cup of food I would feel I haven't had enough to eat even though my stomach felt full.

As mentioned previously I want to get back to the gym these holidays but am finding I'm waking up with a serious headache every morning which dosen't go until mid afternoon, so don't know why that is, might have to get my blood pressure checked.

Anyway better go and start my ironing - dang!

FLUFFING AROUND

Since I started my holidays on Monday I have been fluffing around and not achieving all the great and wonderful things I planned to do.

My week so far has gone like this

Monday - Visit to Lap band surgeon and fill - 3/4 day

Tuesday - Fluffing around at home (not really doing anything) then afternoon with
the Tax Accountant.

Wednesday - Take daughter to school to attend study sessions,visit the shops and do
some groceries.Pick up daughter from school.

Thursday - Go into work for 3 hours (Yes I'm a sucker for punishment) then drop by
Tax Accountant to pick up our tax returns and find out how much we are not getting back - ha!

Friday - Go back to shops to try on this gorgeous top I saw, then come back home
to contemplate my navel rather than do some much needed housework.

So my first week is nearly over - egad!

Must be better prepared for next week this is what I want to achieve

1. Start back at the gym
2. Investigate aqua aerobic classes
3. Start my spring cleaning for Xmas
4. Go to the movies with my daughter
5. Spend some time with my mother
6. Visit my Aunt(who has been unwell)

On band news I'm happy to report my band is



I am now satisfied after my smaller meals and am not constantly thinking about what I can eat next. The downside is I cannot eat steak anymore as I tried some last night and no matter how small a mouthful I took and chewed the crap out of it, it still got stuck. So really for me it's a small price to pay for having the desired restriction. I have already started to drop some weight so all in all I'm happy with it.

Better be off and get dressed for my fluff around today - have a good weekend all.

NO WONDER I COULD EAT HALF A COW

Went back to see my Lapband Surgeon for a follow up visit - I have gained nearly 5 kilos since my last visit.

Then went and had a fill to find out I didn't have 6 mls in my band as thought but only 4 mls which explains why I have been so darn hungry all the time and gained some weight.I now wish I had done something about it earlier as February was the date of my last fill.

I now have 7 mls in a 10 ml band and feel very tight, which is what I want. I need to get into the "tough love" space again. It works for me.

I now have to be extra, extra careful with taking smaller mouthfulls and ensuring I chew,chew,chew(having said that I'm currently having trouble with a slice of toast I havn't chewed properly)

I'm currently on holidays and I plan to use this tiome to get back into the gym again but wont be going to today as I have a monster headache and am supposed to see the tax accountant later on.

Better go I feel like I have a brick in my chest - time for a PB!!!

HAPPENINGS

Life has been much the same - trying to stay "normal".

Booked myself in for a fill today as I'm able to eat too much of what I'm not supposed to eat - like steak for one thing. Will have to wait until the 12th Oct though.

I want to have the same restriction I had when I first got the band , I want it tighter than a fish's arse!! And you know that's watertight!!! lol!

Darling daughter has only three days of school left before she leaves - sigh! Where has the time gone. Then she's off on a HSC Study Conference for a week run by the Anglican Church.These conferences are designed to provide students with around 30 hours of supervised study for the week without any distractions like the TV,computer or games etc. This is a relief for me as it takes the pressure off me nagging her to "do some study"


I think this is a great idea for students to do before their final exams and I hope she gets alot out of it as she can stress out a bit over exams.

When she gets back I'm having two weeks off work before her exams start to make sure things are running smoothly, so I am counting down the days for that.

Anyways off the bed now to read my book - a Jodi Piccoult novel which is my second one I've read of hers and a little - ho hum I must say. I'm really more into mystery's and thrillers. My mum has lent me the new Dan Brown novel so cannot wait to start that.

HAS IT BEEN THAT LONG

Wow! Where has the time gone, I can't believe it's been so long since my last post.

We are still having issues with the insurance company, they want to pay us out a paltry amount and on top of that we have to organise trades people to fix the problem. The problem is because the job is a repair no one is interested in doing
the work - and there's supposed to be a recession on! The only company that gave us a quote wants to charge $6.5K to replace 1 x.900 (3ft) cupboard and 4 doors - WTF!!!

The second problem is we cannot match the existing doors and the insurance company is saying they wont replace all the doors so they match as they only repair or replace a "reasonable" amount. My argument is a kitchen is one of the main rooms of the house, right and having 4 doors which don't match the rest of the kitchen is unreasonable as it will devalue the house if ever we want to sell it. It's not like a bedroom or even bathroom that is not the main living areas.

Does anyone have any suggestions, because it's at a stalemate at the moment.

Since my last post,my eating has been up and down. At the moment it's good, I lost 3.8kg in a week, only trouble is since my last weight (refer the side bar) I gained 3.2kg, so even though happy with this weeks effort, I'm disappointed in myself for putting on in the first place. Fuck when will I ever learn.

The thing that has helped me this week is my daughter. She is doing the shakes again, having one for breakfast, and having protein and salads/veges for lunch and dinner,so I have stopped buying all the crap like ice cream and chocolate biscuits. Having someone else in the same boat definitely helps, so I hope we can spur each other on.

My daughter leaves school in two weeks,13 years of school are soon over. I cannot believe it has gone so fast.Her final exams are in Oct/Nov so she is busy with study etc. She wants to go to University and do a performing arts degree, so I hope she gets into her first preference, but it depends on her exam marks which wont come in until mid December.

Just a small comment on the band, it's coming up to nearly a year now and while I admit to working against it during some of this time, it definatley has helped me with the eating binges I used to have pre-band and I have lost 18 kilos and kept it off (apart from the small ups and downs) so all in all I still think I made the right decision.

Now I'm going to admit to something I wasn't planning to, but this blog is after all "my therapy". My depression has returned - to be honest it has never left but at the moment it's re tuned with a vengeance. It takes all my efforts to get up and go to work, I'm exhausted with acting out that nothing is wrong and I'm on top of things.I'm in the black bottomless pit and no one know I'm there. I think I know why I'm like I'm am but just can't see a way out at the moment - I need help!

BITS AND PIECES

We are having a battle with the insurance company,they don't want to fix the kitchen cupboards, they want to pay us a paltry amount and leave it up to us to organise a cabinetmaker to come in. Also if he charges more than they give us it is just bad luck, I'm, not happy and am going to look into it as this is one of the major insurers who have a "new for old" policy.

The carpets are all dry and salvagable, so the carpet people are coming tomorrow to replace the underlay,refit the carpets and give them a steam clean,so will be glad when that's done as there is crap all over the house and I hate mess and clutter.

On the weight loss front I have lost .900 grams (2 lbs) since I last weighed in and though not great it's a loss and to be frank I have been off and on with my eating all week.

It's my birthday on Wednesday - two years off from the big 50 which scares the crap out of me. Funny how we let numbers rule our lives - weight,age,bank balances! lol!
I'm really not one to hide my age but 50 is BIG for me I remember feeling the same when I turned 35 - ha!

Anyways better go and finish the weekend housework.

WATER LOGGED

Came home Friday night to be greeted with the kitchen and family room 4 inches under water.

Seems the hose on one of the kitchen taps split and water was gushing out for at least 2.5 hrs,luckily all this room is tiled, but some water did get into the carpet in the loungeroom and one of bedrooms.

What a mess, I can tell you, we were all up till midnight mopping up floors, using towels to soak up the carpet and cleaning out the kitchen cupboards. I'm going to call the insurance company on Monday as we have water damage to the cupboards and my large rug I had in the family room is totally ruined. I'm also worried about the damp carpets as they are only three years old and I don't want any mildew to set in.

Yesterday I went to the races as our boy was running,we had a lovely lunch in the Members Stand with my mother,aunt and uncle but it was marred by me being tired from the previous nights episode, also the boy didn't win or place,he was top weight and it got the better of him. He did give it his best as always - such an honest horse, you can't ask for anything more than that.

Suffice to say I'm knackered today, joints and muscles aching like hell and Iv'e got a mountain load of ironing to do.

Food has been good, though I did have three courses and some champers yesterday - very nice indeed.

D DAY

Well here it is - 116.8kg (256.9lbs),up by 3 kg's since the last time I recorded my weigh on this blog.

Not surprising for me BUT at least not to bad as preband it would probably be 10 kg's.

This morning I had 1 boiled egg and half a small pit pocket bread toasted with a cup of tea (will work out the calories later)and still feel very full after 2.5hrs

Lunch is some crackers with tuna,tomato and low fat mayo. I will post my cals later on here.

Pandora,your comment re my water intake - yes I agree with you I should be having 2 litres but since being banded I just cannot consume that quantity as it overfills my stomach and I then have some troubles with eating food. I will though try and work out ways to increase this maybe spreading out the drinking more as I tend to scull liquids all in one go , maybe should try sipping more frequently. And I also agree on the calories as well, as bodies go into starvation mode when calories are drastically reduced shutting down metabolism.

MOOD/SATIETY METER

Breakfast
1 x boiled egg
1/2 Pita Pocket Bread
Skim Capp
Cals 214

Mood - good
Satiety - good

Lunch
4 x 98% FF Premium Crackers
125g Tuna in S/Water
2tbsp Low fat Mayo
1 med tomato
Tea with S/Milk
Cals 312

Mood - Good
Satiey - Over Full & uncomforatble(Must try and not drink with meals)

HOW LOW CAN I GO

I watch a program from the UK on cable called Supersize v's Superskinny.

It's where two people are brought in for a weeks residential - one is grossly underweight and the other is grossly overweight.They then swap their normal diets for the week ie the superskinny gets to eat all the crap the overweight persons normally eats the the overweight person eats the minuscule portions of the superskinny.

It's interesting seeing what some people eat and in last night's episode the skinny person ate 800 calories a day and the obese one ate 4100 cals a day, for one meal alone she had 30 (yes thirty) sausage rolls, which made the skinny girl gag at the thought of it (must admit it made me gag as well).

After the week is finished they then get given diet sheets individually tailored and come back in 12 weeks for an assessment, it's quite an interesting show.

Anyways I'm diverting, it bring me back to my title,how low can I go, I mean of course in relation to calories. Could I survive on 800cals while trying to lose weight.

As the Lapband bible tells us, we should aim to eat between 1000 - 1200 cal and only eat 3 meals a day - no snacking between meals, they even condone missing meals if you can, claiming the lapband makes you forget about food and feeling like you want to eat, which between you and me is a crock of shit as I'm constantly thinking about what I can have next.

You probably are aware as I'm not posting my weight I'm not losing any - and your absolutely right - I have swapped quantity for quality which means I eat less food but it it usually the crappier option, like butter,standard cheese, chocolate, biscuits etc

So I have decided I'm going to do some research and self testing, I'm going to see what is the lowest calorie value I can survive on. The rules will be as follows

1. Must eat 3 meals a day
2. Must eat low fat
3. Must eat good quality foods
4. Eliminate simple carbs, like the cakes,choccies etc
5. Drink 1.5 litres water a day
6. Record all food and most importantly record hunger and mood levels.
7. Must weigh in weekly and be accountable on this blog

So tomorrow is the day, I'll weigh myself and start from there.

HOME - THANK GOD!

Came home today with a diagnosis - praise be to the Lord!

Seems I have Diverticulitis to add to by bow of complaints.

For those you don't know this is a condition of the large intestine where pockets form in the bowel.It is a by product of being constipated,so for all you lapband gals and any body else for that matter,don't ignore being constipated like I have.

Anyhow problems start when waste material (poosies) get trapped in the pockets and they get infected causing pain,fevers and generally feeling like shit.Being regular stops the pockets from filling end getting infected,so the aim is to be regular.

Also I have to steer clear of anything with seeds,nuts grains as these can get caught as well.

So armed with some antibiotics, laxatives and ampoule's of a anti spasmodic I have to inject when I get an attack I was happily discharged this afternoon.

I'm happy to have a diagnosis as I was getting sick and tired of bouncing off various Doctors with my complaints.

Being in hospital when you really are not sick sucks, the days drag on and the highlight of the days are when my meal come.

Speaking of the meals Chris asked me if the food was good. The food is magnificent especially for hospital food. Today at lunch I had Fillet Mignon with herb butter. Very yummy indeed,last night I had a Chicken and Mango Salad which had the most divine orange mint dressing.

My tactic was to have what I wanted but I only ate half of everything, so I did not feel deprived. I stayed away from the snacks in between, as there were things like individual pecan pies, date scones,triple chunk chocolate cookies which looked yummy.

They also made the best hot chocolates and cappuccinos, really the food is restaurant grade and always came hot which is one thing I'm fussy about, I like my food and not lukewarm. So considering all of that I'm happy how I handled the eating side of things.

I'm going to stay home tomorrow and go back to work on Monday.

On Saturday I will be going out to lunch with 5 of my high school friends. It will be the first time in what 25 years we are all together for a reunion.My bestie is heading off the live in Singapore as her hubby is a merchant banker for a Canadian bank and his job has been relocated there - boohoo!

You know even though we only see each other a couple times a year I will miss her as she is the only other person who really knows and understands me - the other one is my mother, so it will be a sad day - for me anyhow.

So that's it for me - catch you later!

COMING TO YOU LIVE.......

Yes, we are live from my hospital bed, feeling a little battle fatigued.

I had a colonoscopy and gastroscopy yesterday,boy did that pack a punch or what. I lost 5kg's during the bowel prep alone, gives a new meaning to being "full of shit" dosen't it.

Results were good though, no colitis,no nasties.

Today had an abdominal ultrasound targeting my liver, and gave enough blood to feed Transylvania for a week. We are patiently waiting for a no 2 sample to happen, why they did not get this while I was having the bowel prep I don't know.

I think the upshot of all this is they just have no idea what the f#ck is wrong and I'm starting to feel like a fraud as I haven't had a bad attack for two weeks now which in one way is good)but I would have liked to have had one here so they could witness it first hand.I see the $200 man again tomorrow, maybe he'll just give up and send me home.

I have a private room and a nice view of the City skyline, room faces west and gets bloody hot in the afternoon, so hot I need to have my fan on (and it's supposed to be winter here!)

To be honest I haven't been on the laptop much mainly because I don't want a lot of people seeing me on it as there is no place to lock it away and I would hate to get it nicked, if you remember my last visit here I had my purse and mobile phone stolen.
Also haven't really has the time and felt much like sitting on a computer, so really it was a bit pie in the sky thinking I would do heaps of work on it.

Anyway better go and settle down for the night - cheerio folks!

HORSES FOR CAUSES - OF COURSE OF COURSE

Well, I'm silently praying I get a phone call telling me they are postponing my hospital stay in favour of keeping beds free for Swine Flu patients but I don't like my chances as I'm going into a private hospital.

I'm really NOT looking forward to having to spend more time in hospital but what can I do about it.

I have been working flat out like a lizard drinking at work trying to tie up loose ends before I go, I convinced them to buy me a laptop so I can log into our system through remote access and do some work, so I'll have plenty of time on my hands to read every one's blogs now.

Remember a few weeks ago I told you about my doggie having a seizure, well on Sunday night he had 3 in the space of 10 hours - very scary. So off to the vet's we went and he is now on tablets for epilepsy to see if they help. I have been letting him sleep with me the last two nights,as he usually sleeps in the laundry but I'd hate for him to have a seizure and no one is around to help him if he got into trouble, as he stops breathing while having them.

This is just what I need now as I'll be so worried for him while I'm in hospital as hubby and daughter panic when he has one and don't do anything to help him. I'd be devastated if anything happened to him while I was away - the little bugger is like my other child.

Other news, my uncle's horse won today at Randwick at 25/1 odds - WOOFREAKINHOO! Pity I didn't have more than my usual $10 on it.Couldn't get there had to listen to it on the radio at work and nearly screamed the office down and will be definitely staying up late tonight to watch the reply on Sky Channel.

Anyway bye for now and I hope to post before I go in.

GOING WITH THE FLOW AT LEAST TRYING TO

If I was an animal I'd probably be put down, unless of course if I had me as an owner - Ha!

I had my appointment with the Immunologist on Tuesday to be told I was being admitted straight away as things have gone a bit pear shaped.I had a time convincing him I could not come in straight away due to work commitments (my boss is away O/S and I'm the money lady)so we agreed on the 26th July and I'll be there at least a week!

For f*cks sake - here we go again,you know it will be a year to the day when I was admitted last year and that was a two week marathon of getting things shoved in every orifice and cavity I owned. It was that admission where I was advised to get a lap-band and had my first consult with the surgeon and we all know THAT story afterwards - who could forget!!!!

What can I do though, I know I have to go in and get things sorted and I also need to try and stay calm and go with the flow as it's just not worth worrying about things I cannot change, but it hard I can tell you. Consequently my band has been sooooo tight and even the tiniest amount of food is getting stuck and hard to get down.

Well at least this time my weight will not be 134kg, so maybe I'll fit into those gorgeous gowns better and wont be flashing my derriere as much.

The weekend will be spent looking for new pj's as all the ones I'm wearing at home are just about falling off me and could be mistaken as tarpaulins or something from rent-a-tent!

Darlings,if I'm going in to the lions den I need to look glamorous!!!

PFTTTT!!!

Well another wasted $90.00 and half a day after my specialists appointment yesterday.

Can't tell me why I'm getting these blimin pains he does not think it is related to the band (which I tend to agree with him) suggested I go and have another Colonoscopy and a Gastroscope so he can be certain there is nothing wrong with the band an check on my colitis, my reaction to that is a big fat - F@#K!.

I have to see the Immunologist next Tuesday so will wait to see what he says as these two Dr's are partners in crime - Ha!

Anyways, moving forward, I am going to tackle this myself by making sure I stick to the rules rigidly. I mean I'll be the first to admit I have been self sabotaging the band with eating the wrong foods and quantity of. So from now on I'm keeping a food journal, sticking to no more than 1200 cals and reduce the amount of fat in my diet, so no more butter and eating the fat off the meat.

Got to start moving again, but let's get the eating right first, otherwise I know I'll be bombarded and then succumb to the pressure.

So that's it, one positive from yesterday - I stilled recorded a loss - only 1 kg but hey my record with weigh in with him is still still on the downward trend - yay me!(

Motto for today: Always play to the positives!

GETTING BACK ON TRACK

I've been working up to this moment for a while now.

It's time to give myself a kick up the backside and get things moving again on the weight loss front.

Enough wallowing in self pity and excuses, I'm the only one who can change the course of my life from now on.

Thanks to those who commented on my last post, and I agree with you all, the past is the past, learn to live with it and move on. Shit happens, not just to me but to everyone, how we handle the shit is the key. So from now on my shit will be handled as a life experience,something to learn and grow with.

I have a lot of things to be grateful for, I've been given a wonderful tool (Lapband)to help me beat the obesity, so it's time to start giving it and myself the respect they deserve.

I see the surgeon on Wednesday, so I hope all my test results are good, so we can move forward from there.

I'm going to start my weekly weigh ins again, I think they help with the focus and accountability. Anyways will check in again once I have been to the surgeon.

WEIGHTLOSS UPDATE

As this is supposed to be a weightloss blog, I thought I had better report in on how I'm going.

The fact of the matter is I haven't,I've been on a self sabotaging mission for the last 4 weeks or so.I've been using my stress as a piss poor excuse to eat whatever I like. Mind you the quantities are small it is more the quality of my choices that is appalling.So to give you an example my cholestrol has gone from a reasonable 5.3 to 7.4 since having the lapband.It's all my own fault though as I started to reintroduce butter into my diet again, saying to myself "Oh now I'm not eating as much I can spare a little butter here and there. Of course I didn't mean butter so thick it looks like a slice of flippen cheese!!

Oh and I should not forget the chocolate either!

So my weight has been yo-yoing for the past month. The reality of all this is coming home to roost though as I'm feeling pretty craptastic and most of all disappointed in myself.

My therapist asked me last week what did I fear most in losing weight. She knows the answer but I cannot bring it out into the open with my family and the people responisible after all these years - it would kill my parents.How do I deal with a tramatic event in my life without telling the world about it?????? How do I expalin to my husband and daughter why I'm like I am - it terrifies me.

So that where I'm at fighting the demons,it's a shame this lapband dosen't come with a Brain Band as well.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

As previously mentioned my one and only child turned 18 last week, here's tribute of photo's over the last 18 years.


8 weeks old and I thought you were most gorgeous baby ever


Aged 3 and on our way to see Disney on Ice (I just loved dressing you up)



Aged 8 taken at your first National titles of Irish Dancing (I was so proud of you)


Aged 10 With Nan & Pop on your first day at a new school


Age 16 before your school formal


18 (At last!)

BAD BLOGGER

I've been a bad blogger of late haven't I.

I have been so caught up with work at the moment I feeled totally whacked to find the time and inclination to do anything else at the moment.

My world seems to fall apart when I'm under stress, or more aptly I let it fall apart. Also my weight loss efforts have been in vain as I've been doing some pretty hard emotional eating of all things bloody chocolate. My daughter had to sell two bloody boxes of Freddo Frogs and Caramello Bears, guess who ate the most - we did and I'm not even a big chocolate lover.

Speaking of my daughter she turned 18 last week,gosh that time has gone fast, I will put together a post for her with some photos to commemorate the big event.

I had my CT Scan last week and it should nothing, which is good, but still leaves why I'm having these periodical bouts of pain. I think I'm going to keep a diary of my food etc and see if their is any pattern there.

Yesterday we had a scare with our dog Oscar (the Master of Disaster) he was asleep on the lounge when I heard some grunting, I found him having some sort of convulsion, his little body was rigid and jerky like he was having a fit. He was also frothing at the mouth and clearly not breathing.

I put him on the floor and started rubbing him to try and stimulate him to no avail,I screamed out for my daughter to get something to wipe his mouth as I was prepared to give him mouth to mouth!! While I was waiting for her I started pumping on his chest and he thank god started to breath. He initially could not stand and seemed to have trouble with his coordination which lasted about 5 minutes, then he seemed OK.

I think he may have had a hypoxic episode maybe caused by sleep apnoea.I decided to keep him inside for the night and we both slept on the lounge, which I'm glad I did as the poor little bugger had to go out twice during the night to have a spew, so something is amiss. I'll take him tho the vet's tomorrow.

I suppose you all think I'm crazy sleeping with him and being prepared to do CPR, but I really love my dog and I treat all my animals like another family member, besides he's the only one who loves me UNCONDITIONALLY.

We had a long weekend here to celebrate the Queens Birthday, it's also the time they hand out the Queens Honours to deserving Australians, - I was quite shocked to discover I did not receive anything - HA! You think I could have been awarded something like "Her great contribution to eating Freddo Frogs and Caramello Bears - WhAAAAAAA!!!!!

HELLO - I SAY HELLOOO!

Sorry for the hiatus, I've been flat out like a lizard drinking,so much to do so little time to do it in.

Everything just seems to be hitting me at one time, as I mentioned my assistant left 2 weeks ago and as I expected they have only replaced her with a part timer who has no experience in this field and I'm having to teach her from scratch. Nice lady but awfully slow and forgetful - I'm pulling my hair out.

I haven't had my CT Scan yet, had to cancel it twice already due to work commitments, I have another booking next week so will just have to get there no matter what.The stress sure doesn't do anything for my overall health I can tell you.

My eating has been "on the run" things for the past couple of weeks and I consequently feel like shit and have gained weight, too much bloody chocolate I know.Also, scoffing down fast meals has not done my band any favours with PB'ing being a frequent occurrence.

Oh well, I can only do what I can and remember to breathe.

F*CK ME DEAD!

My visit to the specialist yesterday really didn't give me any answers which I suppose I knew already.

I've got to have a CT scan of my abdomen and provide a stool sample, here we bloody go again. He said if we don't find anything with that I'd have to be admitted again -my answer to that was NO BLOODY WAY AM I COMING BACK IN HOSPITAL AGAIN.

He hinted again at it being a rejection (of the band) so that's really great news after all I've gone through. I'd be devastated if I have to get it removed.

To add to this my assistant has put in her resignation and there are not going to replace her, so I'm super stressed with this and every other bloody thing at the moment.

HORROR WEEK

Sorry I haven't been around here and to all your blogs.

I've had a horror week with work and health issues.

My assistant was on a weeks leave and everything just went BANG! at work all at the same time. I work in Credit and we had quite a few large accounts hit the wall which of course means huge losses for us. I don't think I want to relive that again, but unfortunately due due to the economic times it's gong to happen again.

So to really cap it off on Tuesday morning after drinking a cup of tea I had these really bad pains around the neck of my stomach. So bad I had to excuse myself from one of the crisis meetings and sit in the loo until it passed 10 mins later.

I had a wrap for breakfast which I ate in the car on the way to work and thought maybe I didn't chew it enough and it was stuck, so I played it safe at lunchtime.

About 4pm I was so thirsty I grabbed a can of Pepsi Max and sculled maybe 1/4 of the can, them WHAMMO! it hit me - the pain was I think the worst thing I have ever experienced. I felt like my stomach was about to burst,after 45 mins I thought I better get try and get home,don't know how in hell I drove the 15min trip, I was in agony all the way.

To make matter worse my husband and daughter were not at home so I staggered next door to the neighbours and promptly collapsed.They rang an ambulance I was taken to Emergency.The worst thing though is I kept telling them about the Lap band and everything else and they were treating me for a bloody heart attack.

So 7 hours later,feeling worse for wear and an arm black and blue from them trying to put in a cannula I was released and told I had a Urinary Tract Infection - yeah right! That must be the Clayton's diagnosis when you don't know.

I still feel a bit dodgy and have to be very careful with the diet as I'm still getting the pains, so I'm going to try and get back the the specialist tomorrow. Let's hope it's nothing serious.

FIGJAM MOMENT

I make no apologies for this "Figjam" moment.

My lap band surgeon is extremely happy with my progress and actually chided me for feeling my weight loss has been poor.

He said as I started from a low weight ( since when is 134kg a low weight) AND taking into account my daily steroid medication, I'm doing a "wonderful" job and he is more than happy with everything.

My waist measurement has gone from 132cm to 117cm - so a loss of 15cm AND he is noticing a difference every time I come in for a consult.

I have to be happy with that! Phew a relief I must say.

Yes, once again I'm doing alright!!!!

COUPLE DAYS OFF

I'm having two planned days off work.

I decided to have these at the last minute as I have a Dr's appointment today with the lapband surgeon and it's school holidays here,so thought my daughter could do with some company.

Yesterday we went shopping and I bought a nice top and vest from my favourite store Taking Shape, some wool to knit a throw and some tyres for the car. There goes my Government Stimulus Package. For those of you who may not know the Federal Govt here is handing out a maximun of $900.00 for taxpayers in an attempt to get the economy "stimulated" again. My husbands and mine will go on our cars, new tyres for both and long overdue services - boring!!!

Last week I put some clothes on Ebay - 7 items all from Taking Shape (of course).
They all sold and I earnt $260.00, so not a bad effort. I've got a few more to list just need to get the time to do all the leg work.

In the past month Iv'e had this desire to start knitting again. I mean I usually knit every winter, but never seem to finish anything. I have a jumper and a cardigan to do. I'm on my last sleeve of each so I will finish these damn things once and for all then start on my throw.

The knitting helps me to keep my hands out of the pantry and fridge of a night. I still get the snack attacks after dinner even though my stomach is full, how long does the sugar cravings last for!!!

Anyhow better sign off and let the "Master of Disaster" (dog) out for a pee - until next time.

WEIGH IN

I know I said on my last post I was going to cut back on my weigh ins, but to tell you the truth since I made that decision to cut myself some slack coupled with my mini epiphany of finally feeling positive about my efforts has done wonders for my head issues.

Sounds dumb I know but the last few days I have felt less stressed which has had a major effect on the food I have eaten. I know I'm an emotional eater but there is definitely a direct correlation between my negative feelings and overeating.Though now with the band it's more eating the wrong foods as I'm unable to eat the quantities I did before.



Move over Dr Phil cause he comes Dr Celtic - mwaaaa!

So here are the numbers

Weight today: 114.6kg (252.12lbs)
Weight lost: 1.1kg (2.42lbs)
Total weight lost: 19.2kg (42.24lbs)

WOOHOO!

DOING ALRIGHT

Hope you all had a great Easter.

Mine was quiet which is just how I like it.

I had my folks over for Sunday lunch, I cooked a Maple Syrup Glazed Ham which was very nice and also a White Chocolate cake with White Chocolate Ganache.

It looked divine but tasted crappy. Even though I followed the recipe directions precisely the cake came out too hard and you needed a jackhammer to cut the damn thing.



Consequently I only had one piece which I suppose in the long run was a good thing.

My request for no chocolate was taken and I only received one small bunny which I gave to my daughter. I did though have a hot cross bun on Good Friday.

I have been thinking about cutting out my weekly weigh ins and maybe extending them to fortnightly or even monthly.I think I'm putting too much stress on myself as I have been comparing myself to others who are achieving more weight loss than myself over a similar period and feeling a bit letdown.

I mean all of our circumstances are different right, but it's hard sometimes not to bash yourself around the head when your not doing as well as the others.

My biggest hurdle is my head,and today after thinking about some things I actually told myself "Your doing alright".

I've managed to lose nearly 19kg, I'm feeling a lot better than I've felt in a long time.I hold down a full time job which is not just a 38 hour week, but can go up to 50 hours oer week. I run a household, I organise my family.

All this while dealing with Depression and a Auto Immune Disease causing chronic pain, yes Celtic Girl is doing alright!

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE

Won't be around for the next few days so I hope you all have a happy and relaxing Easter.

Weigh in will have to "weight" until next week. Determined to make my stomach a chocolate free zone, but will partake in a hot cross bun on Good Friday - yummy.

Here's an oldie but a goody - take care everyone!

THOUGHTFUL REFLECTIONS

One of the guy's at work recently commented on how much weight I had lost and how it was "really noticeable".

It was one of those casual off handed comments which took me a little by surprise - a nice surprise I might add. It made me think about how things have changed for me since losing the 18 odd kilos to date.

So I decided to jot the main things down so I can look back on these and hopefully add to them as I go along.

1.I can do a day's worth of housework now where before I'd be lucky to get half of it done before feeling shattered.

2.I have more energy than I did before

3.Even though I still get down or depressed there is a light at the end of the tunnel attitude now and I rarely feel like I'm back in the bottomless pit.

4.I am calmer at work and not getting frustrated at minor things like I used to.

5. My joint pains are improved - not gone but improved.

6. I have dropped a couple of sizes in clothes

7. My shoes are looser and some have to be thrown out because they are way to wide now for my feet

8. I no longer have to contort my body in weird ways just to cut or paint my toenails - woohoo!

9. My fortnightly massages are becoming enjoyable and relaxing and not torture as they once were due to all the excess fat.

I still have a long way to go (as my surgeon keeps on telling me - no shit Sherlock!)
but I'm getting some runs on the board.My areas for improvement are definitely exercise,being more consistent with the food AND getting the waste works working properly.


I WISH!

WEIGH IN

Wow, it's been 3 weeks since I last recorded a official weigh in - where does the time go.

Today's weight is 115.7kg (254.54lbs) so a loss of 1.3kg (2.86lbs).

Eating has been under control, my restriction is still good but I think I could manage some more in my band.

My hunger is pretty much in control most of the day though I still have some sugar cravings in the late afternoon and after dinner.

I've been having those Nescafe Skim Cappuccino sachets with some sweetener in the afternoons which help out and at night when it's bad I nibble on 1 ginger nut biscuit.

The bowels are still not great and it's now been 5 days without going again so I may just have to bite the bullet and get the Movacol.

Hey that's a idea - bullets - you know the chocolate covered licorice ones - now they sure make me go!!!!!

WORKING ON THE HEAD

The constipation has improved as long as I remember to take the Benefibre.

I didn't weigh in last Friday just really could not be bothered. My motivation at the moment is pretty pathetic, I know why, it's only taken me 40 something years to work it out.

I'm dealing with a fair amount of stress at the moment at home and at work and have been turning to the old favourite and enemy number one - food . I had a pretty scary moment last week at work where I medicated myself with something and 30 minutes later had my head down the bowl felling nauseous as hell and dry retching.

Suffice to say it did not do my band any good as I had bad pains in the stomach all afternoon and have had to really go back onto mushie foods again.

While rummaging around for one of my psychology books on Cognitive Behaviour Therapy I found my old Dr Phil's Weight loss book. This book is based on CBT so have started reading it again and will do the exercises as well which was one of the reasons I never finished the damn thing cause I couldn't be arsed at the time to do the work.

The other reason I gave up on it was because I read the book in Dr Phil's southern drawl and it was driving me crazy!!! lol Funny thing now I'm not doing it - go figure.

Exercise has been pretty much non existent due to my usual aches and pains and next week I have to help hubby in our part time cleaning business as his offsider is away so am really not looking forward to that - NOT

I mentioned a few weeks ago I was given a promotion at work, well we hired someone to take over my payroll duties for two days a week. I still have to oversee the wages but it will be good once the new person is up and trained. I hope that cuts out some of my stress as Wednesday's are the pits.

So my mission for the week is to concentrate on the head,getting my thoughts pattern right and working on changing the undesirable eating behaviours - that should be easy right?

THURSDAY FUNNY

GOLD - I SAY GOLD!

Things are a bit better in the ablutions department, not great but at least the "seal has been broken" - ha ha !

I bought some Benefibre after I found out the Movacol (not Movalon as I mentioned in my last post - wishful thinking) was a tad expensive at nearly $40.00.

I have been sticking fairly close to home as I have taken so much laxative material I expected it to come with a G force high enough the crack the sound barrier!!!!!

So will have to wait and see what eventuates as there is over a weeks worth - damn beavers!!!

A SHITTY FRAME OF MIND

I'm constipated.

Sorry if this is a bit too much information but it causing me a lot of grief.

I've tried everything, prunes,psyillium(spelling?)husks,suppositories to name a few.

Weigh in has been cancelled his week as I know I will show a gain as I'm bloated as hell and feel fat,fat FAT.

I'm also carrying huge amounts of fluid from all the extra water I'm drinking to try and shift the blockage. Maybe I've had a beaver take up residence in my bowels and the little bugger has built his dam across my colon!!! lol!

I've never been this bad before. The next thing I will try is a product called Movalon - so I hope it does what is says and MOVE IT ALONG!!!!!

Failing this the next step is getting some country to switch their nuclear testing to my colon!!!!!

WEIGH IN

Weighed in today 117kg (257.4lbs) for a loss of 400 grams.

Although small its still a loss and takes me to 2 losses in a row.

Exercise can still be better. I forced myself and booked a reassessment at the gym which I did last night. The stats were better than when I had my last one in July 08 which I expected anyway, but its good for the mind to see downward numbers on the form.

I did a 20 rep circuit on the machines then 25 minutes on the treadmill and must admit felt good after, so I will put that positive feeling into my memory bank and recall it when I have any reservations about going again.

I still need to work on the food plan,will try and sit down tonight and do it so I can go armed to the shops on Saturday.

MOVIES & MUTTS

Went to the movies today and saw - Watchman.

I was looking forward to it as that super spunk Jeffrey Dean Morgan was in it. For those who watch Grays Anatomy he briefly played Denny the patient who was dying and marries Katherine Heigel's character on his death bed - sigh!

The movie is based on the DC Comics of the 1980,s about a group of superheros called The Watchmen. I must admit I didn't really know much about it as my daughter had to fill me in. I'd give the movie 7/10, it was entertaining though a little long at 160 minutes.



This angelic face is currently out of my good books at the moment. He had a bit of a scrap with his mother and mummy came off second best.

I was trying to retrieve a bone from the little bugger and he's very possessive about his bones.As I was holding him by the collar so my daughter could retrieve it, the little bugger tried to get away and sunk his teeth into my hand. I made it worse by pulling my hand out of his mouth which did all the damage, so had to make a trip to the Emergency Dept last night and have it looked at as there was quite a bit of meat hanging out and bleeding badly.

I know he should not do this, but I think he felt cornered by me and my daughter, I should not have pushed the issue, but used a diversion tactic to get it. He knew straightaway he was in TROUBLE and hid under the table and has been trying to suck up to mum ever since - the little shit!

He's not a vicious dog by any means, I mean I can take any food away from him and there's not problem, it's just his bones he gets territorial about, oh well a lesson well learnt I can tell you and no more bones for you buddy!

WEIGH IN

Weighed in today 117.4kg(258.2lbs)with a loss of 2.4kg(5.28lbs).

Just shows what you can do when you do the right thing.

Things I did well with this week were:-

1.Eating within my 1200 calories

2.Staying away from the evil Caramel Tarts for 6 out of 7 days,even when I would have given my left arm for one.

3.Making a consistant effort to maintain a positive attitude and using the "fake it till you make it" strategdy

4.Having more wins with my mind over what I shoved into my mouth.

5. Being kinder to myself

Things I need to improve on

1. Exercise - did not get to the gym as planned. Work has been hectic and having to stay late, by the time I get home and cook I just am too tired to go. Yes an excuse, need to just make myself go.

2. Meal planning could do with some work, particulary dinner,this would also help with getting to the gym as well.

So, that my wrap up for the week, all in all I'm pleased with how I handled situations over the week having some wins and acheiving some small goals I set for myself, so overall a good week.

WEEKEND OVER

Spent the weekend hard at work around the house.

We have a council clean up this week so was madly pruning shrubs (my mother calls it raping them as I'm not much of a gardener!!! lol),cleaning up garden beds etc.

Plenty of raking,bending and sweat provoking work,boy you sure know what muscles you don't normally use the next day.Also, fighting with the bloody dog,who wants to drag everything off the pile I so neatly put, then cock his leg and pee on every pile I had raked up. Lucky for him I love him so much!!!

Food wise this weekend has been good, the scales are coming down so am hoping for a good loss this week.

GETTING A GRIP

I've given myself a couple of good hard bitch slaps in the attempt to knock some sense into my thick head.

I'm referring to my eating and attitude over the past week. I think I've finally realised I fall into a screaming heap trying to juggle full time work, a home and family while not feeling well. As soon as I start to feel unwell I medicate myself with food. I suppose I have really known this for a while, but the severity of it has hit home this week.

I have treated food as a friend and confidante,something to give me a quick fix of positive reinforcement when times are a bit tough when I feel I need something special to pick me back up again. I know I'm not alone in this , I think there are a lot of overweight people who experience the same thing. Finding a way to get out of the rut is the hardest.

ChrisH spoke of the lack of motivation on her blog last week, and I think I responded something like "if we all knew what the magic key was to motivation we would all make a fortune". If we follow the text books,goal setting is one thing that can help turn the tide. I've never been one to do this sort of this,as I want it now and not down the track.This is probably why I fail at a lot of things.

I've decided I'm going to give it a go,it's going to be basic to begin with and follow the golden rules of goal setting being

1. Have an Ultimate Long Term Goal

2. Have several mini goals to help with the motivation along the way

3. Make sure the goals are achievable.

I will put them in my side bar and add to them as I see the need.

Today has been a much better day and I already start to feel more in control of things.The band is still giving me good restriction - I now have to be extra careful with what I eat. Thick bread and rice are a definite no-no and some meats like pork are hard to swallow.My stomach get really sore now which is really a good thing as I know know when to stop shovelling the food in.

I'm keeping a food diary now and counting the calories again - 1200, I've also scheduled Mondays,Wednesdays,Fridays and Saturdays as gym days, this is something I really want to get into now. Watching The Biggest Loser again has brought home again I can do this.

I can do this - I CAN DO THIS!!

MAD COW SYNDROME

Have not been having a good week.

I've been suffering from "Can't be arsed syndrome" and "Eyes are WAY to big for my new stomach size syndrome"

Today I stupidly caved in and ordered chinese takeaway - Sweet and Sour Pork - my favourite. 3 mouthfuls in KAPOW! bad pain in my sternan and left shoulder,had to bring it all back up. I think it was the boiled rice, so I ended giving it to one of my colleagues who had been drooling over it.

The last 3 days I've indulged in my old favourites - The evil Caramel Tarts. I have had the worst cravings for these littler suckers and have caved in on all three occasions. Mercifully today my usual source wont be going out, so I cannot ask her to get me one.

I'm feeling really disappointed with myself with all the 2 weeks on and then off the diet merry go round.It is really soul destroying when it takes me 1 week to put on all the weight I have lost the previous week.

Thank god for the band because in my frame of mind at the moment at least it STOPS me big time in the quantity department. It is only my own stupidity that's stuffing up in the quality department.

Why do we this? I mean the self sabotaging. Some will say it's the quick fix reward.Is my life so sucky I need to do this to myself. I mean hey,I've got my problems like everyone, but really I have a lot of things I am grateful for.I know at the moment I'm a bit stressed out over a few things, so maybe it's my knee jerk reaction to that.

On other issues, I bought a new set of scales - Tanita - cost me a fortune but great scales.Tells me my weight,% body fat,hydration levels,bone mass,muscle mass,how many calories I need to maintain my current weight (2000 cals)and BMR age.

Got some interesting stats,my BMR age is 50 which considering my weight is not bad at all as I'm currently 47. 48% fat(I expected more) and I have a significant amount of muscle mass, oh and I'm dehydrated(ok I knew that one).The downside is they weigh 2kg heavier than my previous scales,but I'll get used to that.

Anyway, all I can do is keep on keeping on and try,try and try!

6TH 0F THE 6TH

Cactus has tagged me for the following.

Here are the rules of the challenge:

Go to your photo folder in your computer.
Go to the 6th folder of the photos.
Go to the sixth picture.[no cheating!]
Put the picture on your blog with a description. Invite six friends to join the challenge.Link them in your blog and let them know they have been challenged.
Here is my 6th picture from the sixth folder :o)



This is one of those chance photos. My daughter who was about 2 at the time was going around measuring everything with Granddad's tape measure. As she passed by her grandfather , she thought she'd do him a favour and measure his butt, he was totally clueless, it was very funny indeed!!!

I'm not tagging anyone, if you wish to partake please do so.

WEIGH IN

Today's weight is (drum roll please) 115.4kg.

That's a loss of 1.2kg(2.6lbs) for the week. My BMI is now out of the Morbidly Obese category - WOOHOO!

You know what though, I am a bit disappointed in that number,I mean considering that I've been eating sparrow rations since Monday and also taking into account what Iv'e lost in the loo I was expecting a bigger number.

Maybe it's the unrealistic expectations I always give myself that I'm disappointed but anyway - onwards.

Tomorrow I'm going to look for a new set of scales, the whizz bang ones that show body fat,water etc etc. Maybe I can get one that says - YOUR ARSE IS NOW 5 PICK AXE'S WIDE!!!! LOL!

TIGHTER THAN A..........

Feeling better today, woke up minus the migraine thank goodness.

Still sore in the stomach,but I'm not complaining because while it's sore it also means I have super-duper restriction with my band.

My band is tighter than a fish's arse at the moment and I'm loving every minute of it.

I was completely satisfied till lunchtime with 1 boiled egg and half a piece of toast for breakfast.Lunch was 4 crackers with a small can of WW baked beans.Dinner was 1 BBQ chicken wing,1/4 cup caesar salad and a few chips(Yes I could have forgone the chips) all totally 950 calories for the day.

This is how it's supposed to be, so I'm hoping this restriction will last much longer than the first one.

Now to get back into the exercise.My restart to the gym fell by the wayside since my colitis returned last week, so will have to get back into it. I'm sure I will experience much better weight loss once I start and be consistent with the exercise.

Today I got approached at work if I'd be interested in taking on a more National role. The subject of all my health issues came up naturally as I have had a heap of time off last year with one thing and another.They asked me was I planning anymore health related absences. OMG, like someone plans for that sort of thing,I suppose they have to ask.

Anyway the crux of it is I have accepted the position as of today and first job to to employ someone to take over the weekly wages which I do.I'll still be overseeing the payroll but most of my emphasis will be on credit risk analysis on a National basis.

I'm looking forward to the challenge only problem is I hope they give me the required resources to do it effectively.

There's no point climbing Mt Everest if they only give you a pair of thongs(flip flops) to do it in!!!!

JINXED

Seems I've jinxed myself again, after telling my Immunologist last week I have been feeling great health wise, I get a flare up with my Ulcerative Colitis.

Since Friday I have had two major attacks with bleeding involved (which I've never had before). So now it will mean a trip to the bum doctor and probably a colonosopy again - FUCK! I am so over this!

Had my second fill yesterday which was an experience I don't wish to repeat again.

The fill itself went OK it's just I had a colitis attack 30 mins before my appointment and was glued to the loo in agony. I had another 1.5mls put in the band taking me up to 6mls in a 12mls band. It is quite tight, it almost feels as tight as it was post operative.

To add to my woes, this morning I woke up with a thumper of a migraine. My whole day has been spent trying not to spew. I had a couple of chucks this morning which produced zilch, but I felt better for them even though my stomach is sore.sore sore.

I hope my head is better tomorrow as I have to go in and do the wages, I can work with the stomach pains but cannot handle it when my head is pounding.

Once again - I am so over being sick, I just want to have e good stretch where my health is good.

WEIGH IN

Thought I had better start the traditional weigh in day, so from now on Friday will be the day.

I suppose like most dieters I'm giving myself time to recover from any weekend discretions I may have.

Anyhow, todays weight is 116.6kg.

So a loss of 1.8kg as from my last recorded weigh in January. Actually I have lost 3.9kg this week as I had gained from the January weight so I'm really happy with the effort I have put in.

And yes it has been a challenge as my band restriction is somewhat lacking again so am looking forward to my fill on Monday.



This little girl was saved by this volunteer firefighter in the Victorian bushfire disaster she had severe burns to her paws and is now being cared for by wildlife volunteers. Thank god for these kind compassionate people who help all animals in need.

Have a great weekend everyone and be kind to your selves.

PIG IN SHIT

Ok, thanks to Cactus I can now link things ,so you can link my progress page HERE.

Woohoo it works!!!

Today I went back to me nutritionist and Immunologist for follow up visits. I had lost another 3 kgs since I saw them last, the biggest thing that I got a buzz out of was I have lost 10cm from my waist measurement since I started. That little piece of information was a great motivational shot for me.

The nutritionist agreed with me that I need another fill so I'm booked in again next Monday.He assures me once they get the fills right I'll stop feeling so damn hungry and start losing the weight more consistently.

My immunologist was also impressed with my weight loss to date and said when I lose another 10 kg's he going to start reducing my cortisone dose which will be great if we can as that is one of the main contributors to the weight gain side of things.So I have 3 months until my next visit so I think 10kg's in that time frame is achievable.

WHERETHEFUCKARWE!

UPDATE: The progress page is a new blog that can be accessed on my profile page, I'm such a techno wiz - NOT! and don't know how to link to thing.

IF ANYONE CAN HEKP IT WILL BE MUCH APPRECIATED!

PROGRESS PAGE

Previously I've been slack with taking photos and measurements so I don't really have that many but will start doing them noe every 10 kgs. I think they are a great motivator especially to look back onto when times are a bit tough.

ps I'd appreciate someone telling me how to link URL's in posts.

IT''S GOING TO BE ONE OF THOSE DAYS

LETTER OF REPLY

Dear Digestive System

I have sat here for hours trying to construct a worthy defence of my actions, but alas I am lost for anything credible that was not a big fat pack of excuses.

I seem to enjoy pushing the envelope in what I can eat, I mean in regards to the foods they say lapbanders can't eat like bread,red meat etc etc. I just seem to enjoy being able to say, "Yes, I bloody well can eat those things - see"!

It's the defiant Celtic Girl coming out, you know the one who likes to prove people wrong. Maybe I need everyone to tell me I won't ever lose my weight - a bit of good old reverse psychology may do the trick.

I have thought about it long and hard and I think it comes back to feelings of deprivation that food restriction brings.

Maybe it's my impatience causing all the grief, I always was someone who wants the quick fixes. Patience is not one of my virtues.

I am also "scared shit less" as we say here. I'm scared I really wont lose the weight and I will fail. I only told a few people about this but I feel there expectations overwhelming me. I know they are only being nice, but I hate it every time they ask me "How much weight have you lost now?"
I swear sometimes there is a look of "I told you so" in their eyes when I say "nothing this week".

Lapband and I are still in our honeymoon period, I must admit being a little disappointed she is not having the desired effect on my appetite.The first 3 weeks were bliss, I could have my half cup of liquid/food and not even think about my next meal, but unfortunately that was short lived.

I've booked in a another fill in two weeks, so hopefully I'll get closer to the green zone I'm supposed to be in.

Since your letter I have made some effort, I have steered clear of the high fat foods and limited myself to 1200 cal a day. I have even started back at the gym,if you check with Heart and Lungs they will collaborate my story.

I have further work to do, I need to cut out the carbs again but am having difficulty as they are my comfort foods at the moment. I mean to say when you have a choice of a piece of hot buttered raisin toast and a boiled egg, what are you going to choose really?

As for killing Gallbaldder well her demise was a by product of losing too much weight too fast, even the Dr said that so I cannot be held totally responsible for that one.

I can assure you Brain was not ignoring Vagus,it was simply a case of "take a message and I'll get back to you shortly"

In closing, all I can plead is that I'm trying I really am, your letter and my reply has really made me think - it's been good therapy.

I'm sure we will have more trials and tribulations to get through before things are fine tuned, but always be assured I'm on your side

forever yours

Celtic Girl

PS please do not follow through with your threat involving Rectum, getting her to shut up shop will only cause the buildup to come out of my other end. I suffer enough from verbal diarrhoea as it is.

PPS I did not eat a three piece feed from KFC

LETTER FROM YOUR FRIENDS

Dear Celtic Girl

We your digestive system have tried to let you know how we are feeling, but you have constantly ignored our symptoms.

We are now resorted to write to you directly in an attempt to bring you to your senses.

Every time you overeat that niggly pain you get over your liver is a result of too much pressure in your new stomach pouch. For pete's sake girl, your new pouch is only big emough for 1/2 cup of chewed food. Half a cup of chewed food is NOT a 3 piece feed from KFC or a 300g T bone steak with sides.

Vagus Nerve in your stomach has tried to repeatedly communicate with your brain to tell you Stomach is stretched to capacity and you should stop eating. Alas,this has all been in vain, Vagus has even been reported as saying your brain was ignoring her, we hope that is not the case.

Those crampy pains coming from your small and large bowel are a result of the excess fat you are consuming in your diet.

Since you murdered our friend Gallbladder, you no longer have a place to store your bile, so all of us have to get a customed to that change, now when you eat high fat foods it throws us all in a spin and that's why you feel like the French have moved their nuclear testing from the Pacific to your colon.

You have been through a lot since you introduced Lapband as a new member of the family. We have come to accept her as one of our own even though she is not our own flesh and blood - why can't you do the same?

We have all discussed this and have decided if you do not start being sensible about your eating we will commence a class action challenge against you.

We have already discussed this with Rectum and she has agreed to shut up shop so to speak. Can you imagine what havoc that will do - the mind boggles.

We are sorry we have had to resort to this but desperate times deserve desperate actions.

We await your response

Your Digestive System

WEIGH IN AND FILL UPDATE

Weighed in this morning at 118.4kg which is a loss of 1.2kg for the week.

The restriction from my fill last week was not what I expected. Although it has cut back the quantity of food I'm able to eat, it has not stopped me thinking about food all time.

According to the lapband bible, its supposed to provide a level of satiety where you don't even think about food.

My answer to that is BOLLOCKS!!!! lol!

Ok, I know this is my first fill and the tweaking takes some time.

I'm constanting thinking what delicacy I can have next, suppose this is proof I have not eaten out of sheer hunger in the past but am a taste eater, savouring the flavours and textures good food brings.

For anyone that thinks a Lapband or WLS is the easy way out it's not I can assure you. You still have to have the motivation and do the hard yards to make it work. It has not miraculously turned my taste buds off all the high fat/high sugar crap I used eat and still crave.

Having said that I'm not sorry for having the procedure, just learning things along the way. Apart from the cravings the other big hurdle I have is my perception of what I can eat now compared to what I ate - quantity wise.

For example a pre Lapband lunch would be a sandwich made from turkish bread 4 inches thick with filling,a tub of yoghurt and a can of pepsi.

The reality now is I couldn't manage half of the sandwich let alone anything else, but I still have this perception it is not enough. I tend to overfill my plate and when I'm full I stop eating, then go back to it and pick it till it's all gone and I feel uncomfortable.

I think my combat strategy will have to be once I've had enough get up straight away and throw out the leftovers so I don't pick.

I have had a few minor problems with reflux since the fill, though it has only happened when I had some extra fat, like butter on my toast or after 2 squares of chocolate, so in one way it's good I have reacted that way as it will make me think twice about having the naughty stuff.

Today is Australia Day - my daughter and I went to see the movie Australia at the movies but alas it was booked out - I was disappointed, so we had to settle for Twilight. My daughter is a huge fan and has read all the books, this was her third time.The movie was good it kept me entertained, I might even start reading the books myself once I get through my Xmas pressie's. I'm about to start the Dawn French bio -Dear Fatty which I'm looking forward to.

Any way that all for today tomorrow is work again - YUK!!

FIRST FILL - COMPLETE !

I spend most of the morning sulking with the thought of having to travel into town and have my first fill done in the Radiology Dept.

I rang them in the morning to reconfirm my appointment and make sure I did not have to do any special preparation. I was then told I would need to pay at the time of treatment and nearly fell off my chair when she said it will be $300.00 - FARKING HELL!

I was in complete shock and said is that The price for every fill - yes came the reply, so I am trying to calculate just how many of these things I would need and nearly had a coronary in the process.

The procedure in general went well, I was taken into the room and they put me under the machine to see where my port was. The I met the lovely Dr who explained everything in detail,after a local anaesthetic in my belly (which did not sting by the way)he put the needle straight in (no pain or discomfort) and put in the 4 mls my surgeon ordered.

I then had to swallow the clear dye that tastes like a mixture of camel piss and yaks droppings to see what the restriction was like,which turned out to be too loose.
So he put in another ml taking it up to 5ml, had another swallow, this time too much, as I was refluxing it back up my oesophagus.

So he tries 4.5ml, had another swallow and BINGO - Bobs your uncle.

He then told me to go down stairs to the cafe, have something solid to eat and if I had any trouble to come straight back, suffice to say my fruit salad was enjoyable and went down well.

So now I am the converted and think it was a very good $300.00 spent, because if it had of been done in the surgery by the surgeon without the X Ray machine I would probably have gone home without the required restriction or having to up chuck everything until I got it sorted.

I'm all for doing things once and not ten times, so all in all I'm happy with the outcome.

The restriction is great again, I had 1 salmon rissole with a extremely small salad and about 5 potato wedges (made with a spray of oil) and fitting nicely on a bread and butter plate.

So I'm back in the game

One thing the Dr told me never, never to do is try to bring up any food (PBing) he said it weakens the oesophagus and has seen many cases where people have split their oesophagus's and died or nearly died, pretty scary I must admit.

I am all enthused again and rearing to go - WHOOPIEEEEEE!!!

FIRST FILL TOMORROW

Had my post op (gallbladder) visit with the surgeon today who also did the gastric banding. Everything is going well, no cancer in my gallbladder (not that we thought that) just inflammation.

The incision in my belly button has not closed up,it's been like it for over a week now. I haven't mentioned it to anyone as I was quietly waiting(holding my breath) until I saw the surgeon, in case I had to go in again and have it closed surgically.

It's about 2cm wide and 6-7 cm deep,lucky for me it just involves the fascia (blubber).I have been flushing it out with normal saline, then packing it with gauze strips soaked in saline, as was the treatment back in the middle ages when I was nursing.

Anyone watching me would think they are watching a comedy act, standing in the bath in the buff, squirting a syringe in my navel, then running back to my room to start the dressing, semi lying on the bed trying to look over Twin Peaks and Mt Everest to see my navel,so I can stuff in the gauze, quite a sight I'm sure.

Anyway I must be doing something right as he complimented me on my work and said the wound was nice and clean and keep doing what I have been doing - amen!

I was pleased and relieved I had lost 3 kg's since my last visit as I was worried I would show a gain. I am though 1 kg down from my last home weight of last week.

I had to laugh as he asked me was I able to eat solid food like scrambled eggs!! I mean scrambled eggs were done and dusted beginning of week 3, I said yes with a smirk, then he asked me could I manage a sausage again I said yes, then he asked me what is the hardest food you can eat, I think he nearly fell off his chair when I said I can eat just about everything, even steak!!!

Yes, old cast iron guts strikes again!!!

I don't think I have seen anyone get his referral pad out as quick as he did to write me a referral for my first fill - very funny!

So I'm booked in tomorrow to have 4ml put in a 12.5 ml band, I am a bit disappointed that I gave to go elsewhere for the fills.They are done in the XRay Dept as they are done under Fluoroscope,then I have a Barium Swallow to check there are no leaks.

It's just a pain in the arse as I have to make a separate appointment and make another 1 1/2 hour trip to the city, not to mention the fact it will be additional cost as this mob charge like wounded bulls, no bulk billing here.

One good thing re the cost of all of this is I was not charged anything for my gallbladder surgery, they put it through as a "No Gap" procedure to my health insurance, so was relieved I didn't have to cough up another $2K.

Any way better go and psyche myself up for tomorrow, I must admit though I am looking forward to having some restriction again and losing some more blubber - wish me luck!!